Page 60 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“There is nothing to forgive. Unless you are referring to the fact that you are a woman who has faced a great deal of sadness today and have little more to show for it than the pressures of a woman for whom the future has been decided,” Miss Franklin laughed, bitterly. It was a fate they both shared.
“What do you know?” Victoria asked, softly. She wondered how much Miss Franklin had deduced by now and wished that she could explain it all away more easily.
“Well, I was just dismissed by the Earl and Lady Ingles as they wished to discuss their marriage in confidence. But prior to that, it was very clear that she was shocked by the fact that he wished to set a date despite the fact that this has been arranged for quite some time,” Miss Franklin began, speaking about the couple.
“But as for the rest, I have only deduced that there is something which has passed between yourself and the Earl of Hanover. And I must guess that it is a feeling which you both have for one another but understand that you may not act upon as we live in a society that cannot allow for such a thing between a governess and her master,” she added.
“I assure you that it is only I who feels that something might pass between us. The Earl should deem himself fortunate to marry a woman like Lady Ingles. But I fear that despite appearances, despite whatever feelings he may have for her, their marriage shall not be a happy one,” Victoria alluded.
Miss Franklin was quiet but gave Victoria a confused expression.
“Miss Jamison, I must ask you two questions. The first is whether or not you truly believe that he cares for Lady Ingles when it is rather clear that there is no love between the two of them? The second question which I must ask you is why you believe they shall have an unhappy marriage?” Miss Franklin wondered.
“I have no answer to your first question. There is something which brought them together. There must have been something between the two of them that caused him to love her and I can hardly say what it might have been, but it is undeniable,” Victoria said.
“How is it undeniable? Marriages happen frequently without either party wishing for them. They come about out of a mutual benefit, and rarely out of love,” Miss Franklin pointed out.
“But that benefit still means something. And it would grow into a sort of affection. Therefore, I can hardly justify saying that they have no feelings for one another because the Earl made a decision not only to marry her, but to set a date now for their wedding. He is being wise and he is doing the right thing. There is nothing more to it than that,” Victoria declared as final.
Miss Franklin waited, but Victoria did not continue or address the second point. She understood that the silence was meant for her to fill, but she hoped that her friend had forgotten all about it.
And yet, luck was not on her side.
“What for the second question? What reason do you have for believing that their union shall be an unhappy one if you are so determined that they have chosen to be together and care for one another and all the other nonsense you have mentioned?” Miss Franklin challenged.
How could Victoria tell her friend the full truth? It seemed unwise, and yet she knew that it would bring her peace. Peace was the very thing she lacked the most.
“I cannot say. It is just a feeling that I have. Or perhaps it is my own selfish desire as I care so deeply for the Earl that I wish for him only to have happiness with me,” she reasoned.
“I do not accept that. You are not a selfish woman and I can’t believe that you would feel that way. Even if you did, I do not think that you would project unhappiness onto the two of them,” Miss Franklin noted.
“Perhaps I am a worse woman that you give me credit for. Perhaps I am actually quite cruel and I do not like to think of others having joy in their lives,” she replied.
Miss Franklin scoffed.
“You are the last woman in the world who would ever treat others that way. Stop being so foolish. You and I both know that you simply do not have that character in you. Now, tell me, what is really behind it all? What is your reason for thinking they shall be unhappy?” she asked again.
How was it that Miss Franklin seemed so confident in her ability to read Victoria? It was clear from her words that she knew Victoria was keeping a secret. But Victoria had committed to silence and could not tell even her dearest friend.
“Whatever it is, it does not matter,” Victoria said, giving Miss Franklin a look that was both kind and firm. With that, her friend knew that there would be no more word spoken on the issue and she ought not to continue asking.
“I do not know what I should do,” Victoria then continued. “I cannot bear the thought of remaining and simply sitting back and allowing the wedding to happen before my own eyes. But the idea of leaving is equally terrible. I love my position here and I enjoy being a governess for Miss Marian. What am I to do?”
Miss Franklin was taken aback that the question was being asked and her expression showed Victoria that it horrified her to think of her dear friend leaving.
“I cannot bear to see it happen, Miss Franklin. I know and I understand that it shall proceed and there is nothing that I might say or do about it. It would be terrible if I even tried. But I am aching at the thought of having to watch it all occur,” she confessed.
“I can give you no advice, but I wish that I had even a single word of wisdom for you,” Miss Franklin said.
“Wisdom would be ideal, but for the moment I simply need the ear of a friend, and that is what you provide for me that none of the others seem able to do,” Victoria replied.
After a moment of silence, she continued to voice her concerns.
“I fear that the Earl expects his family to be completed through this marriage and I cannot see that happening,” she confessed.
Victoria thought again about her option of simply telling him the truth about Lady Ingles and confessing that she had held onto this secret for the woman’s own sake. She could tell him how she fought within herself between honesty and loyalty and how she could best help the situation.
But it could so easily damage Lady Ingles forever. Certainly, the two of them would both be free of their commitment to this engagement that seemed to be a mere convenience, but if it destroyed the reputation of Lady Ingles, even potentially destroying her livelihood, it could not be the best choice. Could it? Would that ever be the right solution if it ruined another person?
