Page 59 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“A…a date?” Lady Ingles echoed.
“For the wedding. I believe we must choose the date upon which we are to become man and wife and it must be decided swiftly. What do you think?” he inquired, allowing Lady Ingles to share her own thoughts on the matter.
For a moment, the woman spluttered, as if unsure what she ought to reply with. Victoria felt her own heart drop into her stomach with a disappointment and sadness that she could hardly begin to conceive of.
How was she to handle such emotions that came over her with this sort of fervour? How was she to handle the thought that the man for whom she felt a deep, honest affection was going to be married to a woman who loved another and was unable to deny that love when faced with it?
Once more, Victoria wished that she had exposed the secret affair long ago. But once more, she had that wish for selfish reasons and she reminded herself of all the things that had led to her keeping the promise thus far.
She still wished to protect the Earl from the scandal of his betrothed being unfaithful. She wished to protect the reputation of Lady Ingles. And she wished for Marian to have a mother. These were reasons enough, she told herself.
“I-I cannot say, my lord. I suppose you are correct. A decision must be made,” she answered, sounding very much as though she would rather have said anything but the words which came out of her mouth.
“Does this come as a surprise to you?” he asked, appearing somewhat nervous.
“No, of course not,” she answered with a shrill laugh of discomfort, the sort that accompanies a lie of any type.
“I had thought that our intent to marry was quite clear,” he said to her.
“Of course it is. Our engagement began some time ago. Forgive me, I was simply not prepared to have this discussion today, but certainly, it must be had,” she replied.
“Then it must be soon. The date must be swift,” he said with determination.
The look of shock upon the face of Lady Ingles was nearly comical. Or so it would have been if Victoria had not mirrored it herself.
But hearing that he wished to set the date felt as though a dagger had been struck straight into her heart. Victoria could not bear the thought of him marrying a woman who did not love him.
She could not bear the thought of him being with anyone except for her.
Struggling to take a breath in, she could not remain in the room. She had to escape if there was to be any hope of saving her dignity.
Victoria knew that remaining in the parlour meant risking the tears spilling out in front of them. She could not let go of her dignity so willingly. There was no other choice but to escape them and retire to her room without another word.
But words had to be spoken and an explanation had to be given. That, she knew for certain.
Victoria steadied her emotions, clenching her jaw against the pain in her throat that strangled her cry. She held herself steady, formed her mouth for words that she knew might unlock the dam of her weeping if she were not careful.
“Forgive me, but I feel unwell. Thank you for your kind hospitality and I wish the two of you a wonderful day,” she managed to say as she stood.
Victoria ushered herself from the room as quickly as she was able, desperate to be free of any lingering thought. She had not been formally dismissed, nor had she asked for it as she ought to have. But she cared not in the moment. It didn’t matter. She had to be gone from the room and that was all that concerned her.
Perhaps the Earl said her name as she left, but she did not listen. It was rude and inappropriate, but it was all she could do. The hall seemed long as she fled it, and the stairs seemed too high. But she rushed as quickly as she was able.
And the moment she was alone in her room, the tears began to flow.
Chapter 28
From her room, Victoria descended the stairs quietly. She could no longer hold herself hostage in that small space. Air was the very thing she needed.
With her heart completely shattered and no direction in sight, she began to make her way across the grounds surrounding the estate.
As she tried to compose herself, she heard the voice of a dear friend calling after her.
Victoria was surprised to see Miss Franklin coming her way with a sense of sincerity and concern.
Silently, the maid sat beside her, allowing the quiet to remain and not feeling the need to force conversation where it might still be too difficult. Miss Franklin simply took Victoria’s hand in her own and gave it a comforting squeeze.
“Forgive me,” Victoria sniffed, using her other hand to wipe the streaks of tears from her cheek.
