Page 58 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
Victoria silently did as she was told. She took her place in the empty space on the sofa beside Lady Ingles and waited. There was still no reason at all that she could think of for why she had been called to join them, and wished desperately that they would dismiss her to return to her room.
“There is no honour, I simply enjoy your company,” Lady Ingles replied. “It is my own honour that I might be able to entertain your company for a brief time.”
The words she said were all the polite and correct remarks to make, but it did not change that Victoria felt uncomfortable. As if her own skin did not fit quite correctly, she wished that she could jump out of it and run away to another room.
But alas, she was stuck here for the present. And for the present, she could simply remain with them and wonder why she had to suffer this strange community when she would have been far better off in her room, daydreaming or preparing lessons for Marian.
And she wondered, as well, if Marian ought not to have been invited to join them. After all, Lady Ingles was soon to be her mother and yet Victoria had scarcely seen the two interact. Marian seemed not to care for the idea of her new mother, but Victoria had seen how picky the child could be about those with whom she interacted.
For quite some time, not another word was said. The three adults simply sipped their tea as Miss Franklin stood nearby in the corner, waiting until more was needed. Now and then, the maid would bend forward and pour a glass, letting that be the only sound made in the entire room.
There was a heaviness to the silence of the room, almost as if each member held their own secret and wished for none of the others to hear it whispered through their thoughts.
Victoria was already aware of the secret kept by Lady Ingles. And certainly she know of her own secret, the one that she shamefully held in her thoughts. The affection that she had brewing for the Earl, who was soon to be wed.
“How is your daughter?” Lady Ingles managed to remember to ask in the midst of the silence.
Victoria was relieved that she had thought to ask about Marian. For a long time she had wondered what her thoughts were about the impending motherhood, but the two had been so distracted regarding the marriage that motherhood had scarcely come up in their brief conversations.
Aside from both believing that Marian needed a mother, nothing more had been discussed.
“Marian is very well,” the Earl said, too quickly, as if it were a lie he was desperate to recite. The words had fallen from his lips without any real consideration to how she was and Victoria knew that things had not been well between them, nor had they been peaceful with her studies.
“And she is still learning quite well?” Lady Ingles inquired.
At this, both she and the Earl turned to Victoria who placed her tea on the table with as much grace as she could muster.
“Certainly. A child as intelligent as Miss Marian can learn quite easily. It is convincing her that such a thing is the best use of her time that one must struggle against,” she replied with a gentle laugh that sounded entirely false.
Once more, quiet descended as the Earl nodded his head in agreement, staring into the corner of the room. Lady Ingles took another sip of her tea and seemed to be fascinated by it as her only means of distraction in the midst of the awkwardness.
But each of them made every effort to push forward anyway, continuing their discussion through brief sentences and trying to remember polite questions to ask.
For whatever reason they had asked Victoria to join them, she was entirely miserable and wished that they would dismiss her at once. She would have greatly preferred that over this.
There was such a burst of awkward tension in the air that Victoria wondered if the others felt it as well. Was it only her? Or was Lady Ingles aware of the discomfort?
Victoria glanced at Miss Franklin more than once and the two seemed to share an understanding. Once more, Victoria was glad to have such a dear friend amongst the staff.
It was clear that Miss Franklin had managed to catch the situation for what it was. She gave Victoria a look of sympathy and grace. In fact it seemed as though Miss Franklin might have even understood that Victoria had feelings for the Earl, and that was something she had not been prepared for.
The way the maid’s eyebrows met in sympathy and then glanced at him was a silent message. She understood. She knew what Victoria was trying to deny, what she was seeking to avoid and the pain that this was causing.
Victoria gave her a wan smile, as if to say that she was handling the situation as best she could, but without denying the truth that was coming through. Somehow this unspoken conversation was easing her sadness and enabling Victoria to better handle what was truly going through her thoughts.
She had long wished to share with Miss Franklin the feelings that she held for the Earl, but it had not been an option. This was the only way in which she had been able to share the truth and yet keep Lady Ingles’ secret as well as her own.
She thought that perhaps, later, she and Miss Franklin might discuss at length the reality which she had been trying to ignore and deny. But until then, she would have to sit patiently.
“Lady Ingles, might I interject for a moment?” the Earl said with a sudden fervor.
Victoria looked at him and he glanced back at her, a look of apology in his eyes from which she could not tear her gaze. In addition to this, Victoria could not quite gather exactly what he was interjecting into where there was no conversation to be had at the moment.
“Certainly, my lord. What is it that you wish to discuss?” Lady Ingles asked, her delicate voice nearly shaking.
Victoria wondered if she had noted the look between herself and the Earl. Did Lady Ingles suspect that she had shared the secret? That the Earl was going to scold her or address the affair?
“We have been betrothed to one another for quite a length of time. I wished to discuss with you that I believe we ought to finally set a date,” he suggested, his own voice sounding somewhat frail as the words came out.
