Page 56 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“That is all, then. You may sit here until the time has passed and your lecture ought to have been over. But I shall give you no attention for this behaviour. You must know that it is improper for a young lady to act so disrespectfully,” Victoria declared as she left the room.
Later that afternoon she found herself in one of the halls, needing to go to the library to check something for a future lecture in English. As she passed by one of the rooms, she overheard the voice of Marian, raging and furious, speaking to her father.
“But, Papa! It must have been something that you did. I cannot imagine why she is so sad now, or why she will not explain herself,” Marian demanded.
“My dear, do calm down. I have no idea what you are speaking of,” the Earl replied with as much patience as he could muster.
Victoria flattened herself against the wall, curious, but not wishing to be caught listening. She wondered if Marian was giving him the same lecture she had given her earlier in the day. But whatever was happening, she knew that it would be uncouth to be discovered listening to the conversation between them.
“You must have hurt Miss Jamison somehow,” Marian insisted.
“I cannot think of what it might have been,” he answered, calmly.
“But you pushed her away. Somehow. Will you not speak with her? Can you not ask her what it was? The two of you were the dearest of friends not so long ago and now you hardly speak. I see that you look unhappy when she walks away, but it must have been something you did,” Marian pushed again.
Victoria remained impressed with the child’s intelligence and observational skills. She was stubborn and that was quite a problem, but Victoria could see that it was sheer concern and determination that held her so intent on discovering the truth. There was an innocence in her pushing, as if she did not realise how improper it was to speak back at the adults in her life.
“My dear, please calm yourself. I am not sure why you are accusing me of these things, but I wish for you to know that Miss Jamison is a wonderful young woman who loves you dearly. She is entirely devoted to your studies,” he explained, slowly.
Victoria listened closely to his tone of voice and wondered if there was anything in it that might mean something for her. Could he possibly care for her? Would that ever be a hope that she could experience for even a moment?
No. He was engaged. It was foolish to hope for anything else, for anything more. And in the meantime, she had to continue in her concern for Marian’s best opportunities. Marian was the one that mattered.
Victoria slipped away quietly, returning to her room once more without the book that she needed. She had to leave the hall before she was found and she figured that there would be time to lesson plan later.
For now, she simply had to ease her heart and nurse her wounds.
The following day, Marian was much the same. She was angry and tired and in quite a foul temper. It would do them no good to keep pushing her when she was unwilling to behave with any sense of peace about her.
But Victoria tried to push her a little bit more than the previous day. Useless though it proved to be, she made every effort.
“I have nothing more to say to you until you tell me what my father did,” Marian remarked.
“Miss Marian, I have two things that I must say to you,” Victoria insisted in a stern voice that she had never before used with Marian.
The child looked up at her with a glint of fear in her eyes, not being prepared for such a temper.
“The first thing I must insist upon is that you cease in this senseless prattle about your father doing something against me and I being neglectful of him. You are wrong. There is nothing changed between us. He is still the master of this house and I am its governess. So you may stop in that reckless speech of yours,” Victoria seethed.
“The second thing which I wish to address is how you speak to your superiors. Until now we have focused on intellect, but right now I must discuss manners with you because that is an area in which you are appallingly behind where you ought to be,” Victoria continued, allowing her anger to speak instead of her compassion.
“I understand that you have been through a great many difficult things for a young child. But that is no excuse for how you speak to your father or to me. You must show us both respect, as well as any other adult that comes into your life.
“Until you learn how to speak with your elders, it is best that you do not speak at all. For you are shaming those who love you and causing us to look as though we are terrible guardians. Do you understand me?” she asked.
Marian silently nodded her head, saucer-like eyes still open with fear. It made Victoria feel terrible to know she had allowed her anger to speak, but they were things she knew needed to be said.
Marian looked as though she might genuinely cry, but instead she simply picked up her pencil and began to scratch the work onto her paper. She was working in a way she never had before; the scolding had been effective.
Victoria took a deep breath. It was deeply unsettling to know that her decision to protect herself had created a distance with her charge. Things had been difficult enough early in this position as a governess. But now, it seemed nearly impossible.
Marian was furious with her. Nevertheless, Victoria knew that it was best. The pain that she was feeling from this distance was exactly how it had to be.
And yet it hurt deeply to distance herself from the Earl for whom she cared so much. Not only that, but losing the progress that she had made with Marian was deeply distressing.
Throughout this time, Victoria had received and written to her mother and also her father.
It had felt strange at first to correspond with him, but she was learning to forgive him for the things that he had done. His change seemed genuine and that was more than she could have asked for.
