Page 55 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
Victoria felt like a specimen for study. She could not have imagined that anyone would ask her about this or have even picked up on the change. and yet Miss Franklin knew well of it.
She also knew that while Miss Franklin was her friend, gossip spread like wildfire in estates like this one. Maids loved to gossip. And if Miss Franklin did share anything with even one maid, it would soon be known throughout the households of London near and far.
Victoria could not bear the thought of that. She wished only for all of this to go away. She was doing all she could to protect herself as it was, and thought that there was no need for anyone to notice or care about how she and the Earl interacted.
She cared not even for how he perceived their interactions anymore.
“It is nothing, really. I am simply choosing to remember my place in this household,” she reasoned.
For a moment Victoria wondered if she might be able to share everything with Miss Franklin, but then remembered herself. She could not tell the full truth without exposing both herself and Lady Ingles. A profession of love for her employer was shameful enough, but sharing the secret of another was equally dire.
Miss Franklin eyed her with worry, but accepted the answer. Victoria felt bad keeping things from a woman who had become a dear friend so quickly, and yet she knew that it was the right thing. She had no other choice.
“And your place in the household means…what exactly?” Miss Franklin pressed, ever so gently.
“That I am a governess and not the friend of my employer. I must keep that distinction lest I find myself recalling the status of my former self and allowing that to be a part of my behaviour and interactions with him,” she said.
It was true and it felt a relief to say, even if it was not the full reason behind her change of behaviour.
“You mean you think that you might forget that you are no longer considered an esteemed member of society? Do you think that the Earl even cares about that? He has shown that he has a great deal of respect for you. I do not think you need worry that he would view you poorly for simple interactions,” Miss Franklin reasoned, trying to understand the situation.
Victoria nodded, not wishing to go into further detail.
“It is a strange thing to be knocked down from the heights of society. I wish I could express it better, but one must remember their place and constantly remind themselves of it. And I should like to be no more than a governess and an employee of the Earl,” Victoria declared, hoping that would lead to the end of the conversation.
It had been a relief to discuss these things even vaguely with Miss Franklin. Victoria knew that letting it all out was the only way in which she could learn to accept the pain that she was in, but there was only so much that she could allow herself to say.
But it was only a day later when she was on her way to teach Marian that she found herself once more stuck in a situation of having to explain herself. Only this time, she could hardly tell the truth even in its simplest form.
Victoria arrived in the school room to discover Marian in one of her moods. Unwilling to participate in any of her studies, it was when she threw one of her books from the desk that Victoria decided she had had enough of Marian’s temperament.
“Alright then. That is enough. I shall not teach you if you are in such a dark humour. Whatever has you so bent up, you had best get over it and I have little choice other than to leave you here, on your own, until the day is over,” she decided.
“Of course that is your answer,” Marian hissed.
Victoria turned and looked at her, not having expected such a reply.
“What do you mean by that? I have done nothing to deserve your attitude. It is not my behaviour that has called for this, but your own. If you insist on treating your governess in such a way, you must expect discipline from her,” Victoria warned.
“But you are not simply a governess. You were my father’s friend. His best of friends. But you have changed, turned without a word. I have seen how he is downcast when you walk away from him, unwilling to speak for more than a word or two,” Marian said, sharing the observation that she had made.
Dumbfounded, Victoria stared at Marian. She had forgotten how intelligent the child was and could scarcely believe that even this had been noticed.
“Marian, you must not make assumptions. First you assume that I am the dearest friend of your father and now you make the grand leap of saying that I am unwilling to speak with him?” Victoria challenged.
“Is it not true? You have become indifferent with him. It makes me sad when I see that the two of you do not speak as you did before,” she said.
“And how did we speak before?” Victoria asked, scoffing as if nothing had changed in the slightest.
“You spoke comfortably, as friends. Why are you questioning me as if I am wrong? I saw you two together. And my father confessed that he had spoken to you and enjoyed your wit. So why do you keep asking me?” Marian asked, innocently.
Victoria took in a sharp breath and let it out slowly. She had not realised how evident her affection for the Earl had been and was ashamed that so many had noticed it.
“Miss Marian, your father is a good and decent man. He is myemployerand that is enough for him to be. I shall remain respectful and grateful to him. When you are older, you shall understand that this is the way of things. A governess and a Duke may interact only as employee and employer,” she explained, slowly and steadily.
Marian did not seem to accept it, but she remained quiet, still as stone.
Victoria tried once more to resume their lecture but it was clear that the child would not participate, leaving her no option but to return to her room.
