Page 54 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“Yes, I hope that she shall,” Victoria said.
“You care very much for the child, yes?” he asked.
“A great deal,” she agreed.
“And…perhaps…if it is not so wrong of me to ask, you care a great deal for the Earl as well?” he questioned.
Victoria looked at him in surprise that he would dare to ask something so personal. She had no idea how to respond to that, thinking how anything she said could be construed in a way that might be reported to Lady Ingles as though she were trying to take the Earl from his betrothed.
“I care for my employer as any employee might. I care to see him prosper and succeed in all things, including his marriage. And if he should not, I would find myself devastated on his behalf,” she answered, feeling that it was the only appropriate thing to say.
Mr. Smith nodded this time, as if understanding that she could hardly confess anything further.
But he had confirmed everything that she had suspected about the feelings that existed between the Earl and Lady Ingles. There was no love between them, not really. There was only the matter of a shared convenience within the marriage. There was only the fact that it had all been arranged to mutually benefit them both.
Truly, Victoria and the landowner shared the same fate. Mr. Smith was no less human than she. The shame in which she had once caught him was understandable as he explained his love for Lady Ingles.
She felt a deep sense of relief knowing that she was not alone in this. Her pain, the pain she had tried so desperately to ignore, was not unfamiliar. Others around her knew the same agony. They knew the same desire.
Her eyes found the Earl along the side of the ballroom floor, standing next to his betrothed and engaged with her guests in conversation.
Victoria would never be a part of that again. She would never be restored to her former status or have a position of marrying the man that she had come to love. But Lady Ingles would not have that either. For her, the station into which she had been born was the curse that she had to bear.
Mr. Smith took a glass from a tray that passed and downed it in one gulp. His pain was familiar and it was deep. He was evidently in great pain over the situation.
And no matter what Victoria tried to do to overcome her pain, she was not alone. And in many ways, that mattered more than anything.
Chapter 26
Victoria knew that she must protect her heart. That had to be her first priority. It had been a challenge to be around the Earl and she could no longer handle it.
It had seemed as though every single time the two were near one another, a conversation would occur in which she shared too much of herself. He had come to know more about her than she might have otherwise been willing to share. But alas, he was quite easy to speak with, which had led her into a closeness that she could no longer place herself in a position of keeping.
It seemed unwise to allow such things to continue. With that in mind, Victoria made every effort throughout the following week to keep her distance.
Yes, in order to protect her heart, Victoria had little choice but to be a wall. She had to keep as much space and distance around herself as possible and it could, at times, even mean being distant from others within the household.
A day had passed in which the Earl had seemed interested in engaging her opinions. He had been wondering about further potential opportunities for Marian in her riding.
With great eagerness he asked her opinion, wondering if Marian was old enough to begin formal lessons or not. He had reasoned that he could either protect her by keeping her away from horses or he could protect her by teaching her how to ride well and how to handle dangerous situations.
But with as much grace as she could muster, Victoria pushed him away through her excuses. She told him that she was hardly the right person to ask and wished she could help but perhaps the groom would be a better man to inquire of.
Initially, it had seemed as though the Earl was hurt by her rejection. But that no longer mattered to her. She simply had to protect herself. And when two more occasions passed in a similar way, Victoria noticed that he was not coming to her as frequently with the questions that he had or the issues that he wished to discuss.
One evening, while dining in her room with Miss Franklin, the maid inquired about it rather unexpectedly.
“There seems to have been a change between yourself and the Earl,” she noted. “Is everything alright? Has something terrible taken place?”
Victoria looked at her with shock, not having realised that others had noticed the difference or even that the two had been rather conversational prior to that.
“Whatever do you mean?” Victoria asked. A panicked laugh escaped her lips, the sort that made it very clear that something had happened which she did not wish for anyone to know about.
“Well, before the two of you enjoyed one another’s company, did you not? But it would seem that you have avoided him of late,” Miss Franklin continued in her observations.
“I see…” Victoria replied, vaguely.
“Has something passed between the two of you?” she prodded again, curious about any incident that might have taken place.
