Page 47 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“Excuse me, I must take my leave,” she said rather quietly, in a rush to depart from them.
“I shall see you tomorrow,” Lady Ingles called after her and Victoria bowed her head and smiled in acknowledgement before departing fully.
She felt the eyes of the Earl linger on her for a moment, but soon heard his voice mingling once more with Lady Ingles’. They were enjoying their conversation and she had no longing to hear them out. No, Victoria needed to be free of whatever was occurring between the two of them. She needed to escape their flirtation, or whatever it might have been.
One thing she knew well was that no matter how little they seemed to care for one another, they did interact quite well at times and it threw her into a fuss all over again wondering whether or not they were in love.
Victoria couldn’t handle it. She needed to be away from them and that meant departing to her room or anywhere she might go to allow her thoughts an escape from everything going on around her.
The ride had been too perfect and she ought to have remembered that. There was nothing else that should go as well again. No, Victoria had to accept the truth.
She would never enrapture the Earl as well as a woman who could not be faithful.
Chapter 22
Victoria reached her room, passing by the floor where Marian was being readied for dinner by Miss Franklin and one of the maids.
When she threw her body on her bed a knock came at the door, and Victoria sat up in dismay that she would not have the privacy she so desired in that moment.
“Yes? Who is it?” she asked.
“It’s me. May I come in?” called the voice of Miss Franklin from the other side of the door.
Victoria’s shoulders sagged. If anyone was to come, she was glad it was her new friend. But she still could not deny the fact that she wished she could have time alone and not speak with anyone in that moment.
“Come in,” Victoria called despite herself. She would have to handle this and allow for it no matter how difficult it was. She could not simply do away with the woman who had grown to become a dear friend, and she wished to continue their friendship no matter what it meant in that moment.
Miss Franklin entered the room and had a look of concern on her face. Victoria was sitting up in her bed and tried to paste a smile upon her own face, although it felt false and she was certain that Miss Franklin could see through it.
“What is it, Miss Jamison?” the housekeeper asked.
“Whatever do you mean?” Victoria replied, not wishing to allow anything of her emotions be seen further.
“I believe you know exactly. There is very clearly something the matter, will you not tell me what it is?” Miss Franklin pressed.
Victoria didn’t want to continue the conversation. She wanted to tell Miss Franklin to leave, to allow her to wallow in her own misery all by herself, free from expectations.
But she knew that she simply couldn’t do that. It would be far too unkind and she could not treat her friend that way. Instead it was easier to pretend, to lie and say that everything was alright.
“Good heavens, forgive me for making such an impression. I am well. And how are you? How has your afternoon been? I wish you could have come riding with us,” Victoria offered, trying to steer the conversation in a direction she could control without having to worry about the truth slipping out.
“Miss Jamison, please do not pretend that all is well when it is not. I can see in your eyes that something has happened that has upset you. My afternoon was fine, thank you, but I do believe that there is something else which we must discuss,” Miss Franklin remarked.
Victoria knew that she was caught. She could not hide her emotions any longer and Miss Franklin was going to push her until she confessed what truly was the matter. She would not be able to lie forever.
“Miss Franklin, it is difficult for me to discuss things that I do not like to discuss. I am uncomfortable sharing certain truths. However, I should very much like for us to be friends and if you wish, I can tell you, but know that I do so with a full heart of shame,” Victoria confessed.
For a moment it looked as though Miss Franklin might have been regretting her decision to push. Perhaps she did not wish to know the truth, after all. Victoria hoped that she would say this, that she would go back to her own quarters and leave her alone.
But Miss Franklin was a better friend than that and she remained firm.
“You had best just tell me and be out with it. I’m not going to simply leave and allow you to hurt when I see that you are upset,” she remarked.
Victoria took in a deep breath and nodded her head, conceding that she had little other choice than to tell her friend the truth of what she was feeling.
“Alright then. I suppose you should know. You see, I have been struggling a great deal of late with a petty jealousy. That is an emotion which brings me a great deal of shame and grief, you see. I hate to feel jealous. I hate to confess that I am bitter when someone has more than me or something that I should very much like to have for myself,” she confessed.
“And what is it that you are jealous for? Who has what that you should like?” Miss Franklin inquired, innocently.
