Page 40 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“I am glad that you understand,” Victoria said in a small voice.
“It was the right decision and you knew it. I am glad to have a governess who cares enough for my daughter to put herself in a difficult position. You did something on her behalf even though it was not entirely safe for you to do so. Even though it could have gotten you in a great deal of trouble, you cared enough for her to push for it,” he said.
“It is difficult not to care for Miss Marian,” Victoria confessed.
The Earl laughed. “I am glad to hear you say that, for there have been many governesses who have felt differently. I know she is a good child, an intelligent and innocent one. She has a very sweet side to her. But it has been masked by her difficulties. You have managed to break through some of that,” he noted.
“It pains me to know that others have not seen her potential,” Victoria noted.
“I believe they were all quite defiant as a result of her behaviour. When she…when we lost her mother, much changed. Marian was young and she could not understand it. She became bitter when she was far too much a child to understand what bitterness meant,” he remarked.
Victoria nodded, understanding that this was a logical response for a child.
“But she shall have a mother again soon,” he added as an afterthought.
She looked up at him, trying to decipher what was in his voice at having said that. It was not joy, but it was also not sadness. He stated it as a mere fact, something he had to accept for what it was.
“Yes, she shall,” Victoria nodded.
They watched Marian again as the path continued from the open yard into a small grove of trees. They passed an apple tree and Marian’s horse stopped to munch on one, causing the rest of them to laugh.
“Papa, she’s hungry,” Marian noted with a giggle.
“Let her eat for the moment. Perhaps then we can get on with our journey,” he replied.
Soon, they moved forward and got through the grove to the other end where they could walk the horses beside a beautiful pond which was still non the estate grounds, although Victoria had never seen it before. She wondered how much land belonged to the Earl and if she would ever see the whole of it.
“This is beautiful,” she observed.
“Yes, during summer it is. In the spring it is a mess of mud, but now it is rather lovely. There are other parts of the grounds you must see as well. I fear you were right about my daughter needing more time outdoors, but I think it would be good for you as well,” he commented.
“Oh?” she asked, looking at him in surprise.
“It is unfair that you should be locked up always simply because she is. Please know that you have my permission to wander the estate as you like. So long as my daughter has finished her lessons, you are free to enjoy it as your own home,” he said.
Victoria nodded, glad that he had said that. She had been feeling quite at home, but couldn’t deny that she missed the fresh air and opportunities to be outside the home. It reminded her of her youth when she had the freedom to enjoy the grounds of her own estate.
Her mother and father had been far less strict about her comings and goings than the Earl was regarding his daughter. She had been fortunate, she now realised. But seeing how he was being so agreeable on the matter now, Victoria felt confident that the Earl would allow Marian more freedom to do the same.
“Where was your home?” he asked her, quite suddenly.
Victoria looked at him once more as her eyes widened in surprise. She hadn’t expected him to care much about her life prior to this. After all, it was a part of her that no longer existed and most of society had long forgotten it.
But she imagined the estate in her mind, remembering the beauty of it and how the flowers bloomed in the gardens. She remembered her old room, which was at least triple the size of the one in which she now stayed, not to mention the wash room and all of the other rooms in the home where she was allowed to go and play and do all manner of mischief.
It had been quite the wonderful house and Victoria’s heart mourned for missing it and she wondered if she would ever have such a life again. Not that it mattered all that much. She was happy now, contented. At times, she felt a sense of unease that she had lost so many luxuries and she would miss those things, but in general, she had grown happy with what she had.
“We were in Surrey. Our land was not as grand as this, but I cannot say that it was much less. And we rode often,” she answered him with a sigh.
“Do you miss it?” he asked.
Victoria nodded before she spoke, trying to find the right words to express it. She could not very well tell him the fullness of her thoughts, but there were other things she could share. She could be honest with him without allowing herself to wallow. If there had ever been something Victoria wished to avoid, it was wallowing in the misery of what she had lost.
There was too much of life to live to remain stuck in the losses of the past.
“It would be difficult not to. I miss the freedom, although I imagine that would have lasted only so long until my parents found me a match in a husband. My father gave me a great deal of freedom and that is something I would not have had within society,” she acknowledged.
She had been fortunate as a child that her father raised her to be independent. Once she had debuted in society and been searching for a husband, she would have lost some of that luxury. She would have been urged into a tameness that she had little desire for.
