Page 34 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“Miss Jamison,” he started again, not looking at her directly.
“Yes, my lord?” she responded.
“I have spoken freely with you. Perhaps that was not wise, but it is something I am comfortable with. I ask, of course, that you understand my situation but also that you know I should not speak this way with those under my employ,” he acknowledged.
“Yes, my lord, I do understand. And I wish for you to be confident that I shall not share a word you have said to me with any other. Not only that, but I should like for you to know that I would never show any sort of disapproval. You are doing something very good for your daughter,” she told him, knowing it was the expected thing.
He finally met her eyes and she was struck by the grey sea within them. Victoria wished that she could tell him the truth then more than ever, that she could make him see what was truly happening with Lady Ingles and that the engagement would be broken off.
But once more, she felt guilty. That desire did not come from her wish to see him separated from an unfaithful woman. No, that desire had come from her own wishes regarding the Earl and that was a thought she could not allow herself to enter into.
For the moment, she had to be content with having been his confidante. After all that had changed for her, Victoria had never imagined that an Earl would be willing to speak so openly with her about his own personal matters. It meant a great deal to her that he had.
A connection seemed to have formed between them. It was not the sort that Victoria found herself wishing for, but it was something and that was enough for her. The Earl was a kind man, something she had noted many times about him.
She wished only that he could see others for their true selves as she did. She wished that he could figure out on his own that Lady Ingles was not the woman she appeared to be.
Or perhaps she was, Victoria reminded herself. She had caught the woman in a compromising position, but maybe it really was a one-time mistake. She had to consider that, even if she suspected that there was something more with Mr. Smith than a slip up of old passions.
Whatever it was, she knew that it was not her duty to tell the Earl. She had made certain of that. For now, she would allow him to confide in her and she would share about his daughter, but her position was clear.
She could not betray the commitment she had made to keeping the secret, no matter how conflicted she felt about it. Even if that conflicted feeling was growing stronger than before.
“I thank you for having listened to me,” the Earl said, looking relieved to have got a few things off his chest.
It was a good moment to distract Victoria and bring her back to the conversation at hand as opposed to continuing her self-justification.
“And I am glad to have been trustworthy for your thoughts,” Victoria replied.
“Indeed, you have. I am pleased that my daughter has a governess who is so wise and able to understand the world around her,” he noted.
Victoria was humbled by that compliment and blushed a little bit. She wished she could tell him what his words meant to her but she found herself confounded and unable to respond.
The Earl leaned back in his chair and sighed before taking a sip of brandy. Her own throat caught and Victoria knew she ought to get some water.
“Is there anything else you wish to discuss, my lord?” she asked.
“That will be all,” he replied.
“Then I wish you well and bid you adieu for the evening,” she said with a smile.
“Oh dear, are you going to be teaching my daughter French when her English must be improved upon?” the Earl chuckled.
“I assure you that her English shall be impeccable before I press her further with the other European languages,” she promised with a grin.
Departing from the room, Victoria fought off the weight that had resettled upon her shoulders. She was not comfortable at all with the secret she was keeping and now, more than ever, she wished to be rid of it.
But now, more than ever, she understood the importance of Lady Ingles in the life of Marian and the lengths to which the Earl was willing to settle to ensure that his daughter had a mother.
And with that knowledge, Victoria contented herself to the reality of the situation. No matter how much she knew, she too, had to put Marian first.
Chapter 16
Another day had arrived and Victoria sat Marian down for her next lesson. The two had been getting on swimmingly, certainly far better than in their initial interactions.
Time seemed to be going by rather quickly. Victoria could scarcely believe that she had been at the estate for such a short period. Relieved to be settling in despite the dramas that had occurred, she was delighted that Marian had been listening far better that morning.
From those in the house who had seen Marian’s behaviour previously, Victoria continually heard how astounded they were. She would nod and agree that the child had improved and that she had not been a great student just over a week prior.
