Page 33 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
If he was so unwilling to share his thoughts, she only wondered more about their relationship.
But just as she thought to give up on her questions the Earl’s face took on a change, as if there was something he did not wish to say but might not be able to hide from her.
“Forgive me, but is something of concern to you?” Victoria asked.
Immediately, the mask was back up. But in the moment that he had allowed it to slip, she saw her chance. She would be able to learn the truth after all, and if he did not love his betrothed, perhaps her agreement to hiding the truth would be justified.
A sound from the Earl’s throat sighed of resignation. He looked at her with an appearance of vulnerability.
“Do you believe that the reason for my daughter’s insecurity in her standing is the lack of a mother?” he asked, beginning what Victoria knew would be a very important conversation.
“Most certainly,” she nodded. “I did not wish to blame it on the matter, my lord. But yes, a child needs her mother and life without one can be very difficult.”
“Yes, that is what I thought. And I wish for Marian to have a good mother. Lady Ingles shall make a fine mother,” he said, as if the words were practiced and rehearsed in his own mind.
Victoria wondered if that was truly the only reason for the union, for Lady Ingles had said much the same in order to persuade her into silence. But even if it was, she could not ignore it. It was a good reason, after all.
Marian clearly needed a mother and Victoria thought she ought to simply be relieved that the Earl of Hanover could recognise that. He was not marrying for his own desires but for the sake of his daughter, and that was noble and good of him.
Unless there was something she had not seen between himself and Lady Ingles, Victoria wondered if she could be content with so few reasons for the union. It was none of her business, but she couldn’t help feeling as though she were losing out on something important.
“Your daughter certainly does deserve to have a good mother, my lord. And if you believe Lady Ingles to be that then I am very happy for the both of you,” she said, keeping quiet about her own opinion of the woman.
“My top priority must always be my daughter. She is a good child, as you have noted. But I do worry for her a great deal. She needs the love of a mother and I worry that her behaviour might drive a wedge between her and Lady Ingles. That is partly why I have been so relieved by your tutelage of my daughter. This unexpected change has come at the best of times,” he noted.
“I am relieved to hear that, my lord. And I do indeed hope that all shall go well between the two of them,” she replied.
Victoria was trying to keep herself quiet about her own feelings, but found herself wishing that she could scream at him for allowing that woman to take such advantage. She wondered if there was something else that had caused the Earl to marry Lady Ingles.
Was there any love between them? That had been her question all along and it was yet to be answered. She simply wanted to know if there was something that she could learn that might give her clarity about the secret she was keeping.
“Is it only Marian’s happiness you care for, or also your own?” she asked, understanding that it was a rather forward question for a governess to ask her employer.
But the Earl did not look at her with disdain for the question; rather he seemed at peace with his answer.
“My daughter must always come first. Her happiness is my own. I cannot be satisfied with anything unless I see that she is and I confess that I am willing to make any good match which is suitable if it means that she will be taken care of,” he finally said.
And with that, Victoria saw the truth. The Earl did not love his betrothed and he expected no love from her in return. This was a union based entirely on his need for his daughter to have a mother and it was noble.
Victoria watched how he seemed to struggle with confessing that, perhaps guilty that he could not say that it was a union of love. But she was relieved to know that he was not in love with the woman, as it meant that she was not so guilty for keeping from him the fact of Lady Ingles not loving him in return.
A sense of vulnerability was written upon his face and Victoria was coming to recognise that he was not as shy as many men in revealing this level of honesty. No, he seemed rather comfortable with her seeing the truth in his heart and that impressed her.
The Earl was quite unique in this, different from most men to be sure. And she couldn’t help but appreciate it.
“Lady Ingles is an excellent woman,” he remarked then. “We have known each other for a while and she is a good match. I believe she shall make my daughter and I both very happy.”
It had seemed he said this an attempt to convince himself more than it was for Victoria’s sake and she wondered if he would come to regret the union in time. Certainly, if he learned the truth of what had occurred the evening of the dinner, he would not deem the match so ideal.
But how could she tell him of it?
It was true that Marian needed a mother and if the Earl saw that Lady Ingles would make a good mother—and if that was his greatest priority—then what did it matter if she had engaged in one small dalliance with an old love?
Even as she asked the question in her mind, Victoria’s gut twisted. She knew that the Earl ought to be made aware of the truth, but she convinced herself that now was not a good moment to tell him.
As a mere governess, there would never be a right time for Victoria to tell him the truth. And she had to accept that because no matter what he deserved to know, she had made a commitment to silence and was unwilling to break that for the sake of this conversation.
The conflict she felt was uncomfortable and disheartening, but she would not give in to it.
