Page 21 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“Oh, yes, Miss Jamison,” the maid perked up, smiling.
“You must be terribly bored,” Victoria noted.
“You have no idea,” she replied.
“Has anyone come for a bite?” Victoria laughed, nodding to the pastries.
“No one at all. Now and then at these parties there are those snoops who wish to wander the estate and I stand here for them, but this evening I’ve not had any such encounters. Even Miss Marian has not been a problem,” Miss MacDonald replied.
“Then would you mind terribly if I indulge a bit? I fear I did not eat as much as I might have at dinner,” she requested apologetically.
“Please, take some,” Miss MacDonald insisted, holding out the trey.
Victoria took three pastries, not caring if it was greedy.
“Thank you,” she said, nodding to the maid.
She looked down the staircase and saw the shape of Mr. Smith walking with a gentleman towards the door. He was leaving; that was good news at least.
“Do you know anything about that man? The landowner?” she asked.
“Very little. Other than the fact of his wealth, I’m afraid he has never made himself known to us,” Miss MacDonald remarked.
“Oh, well, no matter,” Victoria sighed. “Thank you again.”
With that, she retreated once more to her room where she would have the privacy of her shame and continued berating herself for the thing which she had agreed to.
Sitting at the chair at her desk, thinking that she ought to write to her mother, but then deciding against it, Victoria thought about her childhood. Yes, this night had certainly been a reminder and she would not wish to relay it to her mother and put her through the pain of reliving her father’s unfaithfulness.
A night had come once when Victoria had caught her father with one of his mistresses. They had been alone in his study and she had gone in, wanting to show him that she had finally memorised a poem that he had insisted upon her learning.
But her father had been in a chair, coupled with a woman. She had been fully clothed, but her dress was pulled up to her knees and it appeared that there was certainly more to come between the two of them.
Victoria had been shocked and her father embarrassed to have been seen in such a position by his daughter.
The mistress had rushed away and Victoria stood numbly, wondering what was happening. She had been so young that she did not quite understand the gravity of it all.
“She is a dear friend, nothing more,” her father had insisted.
“Is she also a friend of Mummy’s?” Victoria had asked.
“Not yet. Perhaps one day, but your mother is not at home so I do not have the pleasure of introducing them just now. But this new friend is a surprise so you must not tell your mother,” he had urged.
Victoria had been confused, but she had agreed to do what her father requested. Now, remembering that moment, stuffing her face with the first pastry and bitterly recalling how her family fell apart, she was angrier than ever.
As she had grown, she had heard more and more about her father’s indiscretions and had caught him again, but he always told her it must be kept a secret and that it would upset her mother. He urged her to remain silent and she had agreed; she had been obedient to his wishes despite herself.
Victoria had lived in the shame of that for years until her mother learned the truth and she finally confessed having known about it all. Her mother had been deeply understanding of her daughter’s actions. She still felt horribly guilty for it, but it didn’t change the fact that her mother had been forgiving.
Victoria’s father had been a good one. While he was a terrible husband and an immoral man, he had always shown her the sorts of fatherly affection that a child might desire.
He had been loving towards her, caring for all of her needs. He had been attentive and gave her his time as freely as he was able. He had always shown his pride in her, telling her what a brilliant child she was and encouraging her in her studies in a way that parents often did only with their sons.
Yes, he had always been supportive of her. Victoria had never forgotten that and she thought she never might. It was only after he had been disgraced that he drifted away from her and lost interest in trying to maintain his fatherly duties to her. Although he had continued in his pursuits of winning her mother back, he had ceased trying with Victoria.
But it was that loving father whose secrets she had agreed to keep. And she had regretted it every day since that first when she knew that there was something her father had been hiding from her.
And now, here she was, back in the situation of keeping a secret for an unfaithful woman. She knew that the marriage had not yet taken place and she could spare the Earl the pain of being wed to a woman who would not remain true to him.
