Page 20 of The Precious Secret of a Loving Governess
“But if that ever changes, please know that anything is yours. Jewels, a fine gentleman, anything at all. I shall make every effort to make your wishes a reality,” she said in a flood of relief.
“I only wish for you to refrain from ever behaving in such a way again. The Earl ought to be respected,” Victoria noted.
“I agree, wholeheartedly. And I shall,” Lady Ingles replied again, tears in her eyes while she was trying to make the promise that Victoria was unsure if she believed.
“I think it is best if you return to the party,” Victoria suggested.
“Oh yes, I agree. Let us return together,” Lady Ingles insisted, taking Victoria’s hand without her consent.
She had no desire to return to the party. She wished only to retreat to her room. And yet, she could hardly escape the grasp of this woman whom she had grown so greatly to dislike over the course of the evening. First for her self-absorption, and now for this unfaithfulness that proved her to be a wanton woman with very little character to keep her going.
But once they entered into the party room again, Victoria realised that the same things might be expected of her. Only now, Lady Ingles was trying to pull her into conversations.
A moment came when the Earl noticed the two of them having entered once more. His eyes did not go to his betrothed. Rather, Victoria noted that they landed directly on her. She blushed, uncertain if the lies and secrets were spilling from her face or if she could hide them from him.
It was too difficult to be around everyone now that she was harbouring this horrible betrayal against the Earl. Why had she agreed to it in the first place? Oh, she couldn’t look at him.
And yet his eyes drew her in.
Victoria willed him in her mind to look to his betrothed, to see through her the things which she was trying so desperately to keep from him. She hoped that he might notice that Lady Ingles was not faithful to him, that she had scarcely paid him a moment’s mind the whole of the evening.
But the Earl seemed oblivious to it and Victoria once more wondered if there was any love between them at all. It was confusing and strange to watch the two avoid one another’s company and to know that Lady Ingles was keeping secrets. Victoria wondered what at all was there between them if they had no desire to interact and all of this was going on beneath the Earl’s very nose.
She didn’t want to keep this secret. Victoria wished that the Earl had been the one to stumble upon them or that she had screamed that the two might be caught. She wished that anything had happened save for what did. She had become an accomplice in all of this.
Mr. Smith stood in a corner, talking with a group of men in a way as if he were hiding. Victoria’s eyes caught his and she glared at him, but he seemed content that she would remain silent. How would he know that?
“Miss Jamison, how is it?” Miss Franklin asked quietly, coming up behind Victoria where she stood on the outskirts of a conversation that Lady Ingles was hosting with a group of women.
“Terrible,” Victoria whispered back.
“Oh, really? I think it is one of the grander parties that the Earl has hosted,” Miss Franklin said back, somewhat disappointed.
“Yes, perhaps, but I am feeling unwell,” Victoria replied, only half lying.
“Oh dear, why do you not get some rest then? I am certain the Earl will understand. If you are ill then it is better that you recover before you resume lessons with his daughter,” Miss Franklin suggested.
“Indeed, I believe you are right,” Victoria replied.
With that, she nodded to Lady Ingles and, before she could be stopped, departed from the room.
She made her way quickly up the stairs and escaped into her bedroom where she collapsed on the bed and allowed herself to be angry for her weakness in agreeing to such a terrible secret.
Chapter 10
Victoria’s eyes opened again. She had been trying for what must have been an hour to get some sleep, but all of her thoughts continued to crowd in. Why had she agreed to keep this secret?
The question haunted her over and over and over again. It seemed nonsensical that she would be willing to concede to the wishes of this woman she had only just met. A woman who, earlier in the evening, had alluded to her misfortunes and who had been less than kind to her.
Not only that, but Lady Ingles had even tried to bribe her with jewels and gentlemen which was certainly not the sort of thing that Victoria would ever fall for. She was better than that, stronger. So why had she agreed to it?
Victoria knew why. It was the best option for Marian. The child needed a mother and Miss Ingles had guaranteed her that she would not behave in such a way again. She seemed true, genuine in her promise. And whatever the arrangement between the Earl and his betrothed, she believed that they both understood the need for Marian to have a mother.
Victoria moaned and rolled over again, wishing she had eaten something more at dinner or from the pastries at the party. She realised now that she had barely touched her food for all the discomfort of the evening.
Stubborn, but unable to ignore the hunger, she snuck out of her room quickly and went down to the floor on which Marian slept and found the maid who stood, bored, with a tray of food, just as Miss Franklin said she would be.
“Miss MacDonald?” she whispered.
