Page 15 of The Lord who Captured Her Innocent Heart
Then, it came time for Frederick to take his leave, a bit after his parents had both kissed Tatiana upon her perfect, angelic cheeks. Ella imagined, stupidly, that each of them was filled with the promise of this new daughter-in-law, this gorgeous, fast-talking, illuminating human. As Ella had always had her in her life, it was difficult to imagine NOT having her. How grateful they must be in this moment – realising their strange, bookish son wouldn’t be alone, after all.
When the crowd had dissipated, Frederick turned his full attention back to Tatiana. Ella forced herself to watch, hoping to pick up some sort of clue, some kind of crack in their foundation. Frederick slipped his hand across Tatiana’s shoulder, squeezed it, then dropped his lips to her ear, murmuring something.
What on earth could he possibly say that he hadn’t said already?
Ella swallowed hard. When Frederick drew back, his face was sombre, as though he’d just whispered his vows. Tatiana nodded firmly, then reached up on her toes and dropped a kiss on his cheek. It seemed that Ella’s parents had decided not to notice, had busied themselves in personal conversation a few feet away. Ella realised she’d forgotten to breathe for several moments and gasped, trying to draw in as much oxygen as she could.
Within seconds, Frederick pulled himself up on his horse, delivering another stellar goodbye to Tatiana and Lady and Lord Chesterton. Ella imagined he was playacting a very different character, one from a book they’d surely shared. One in which the hero spent his final moments on horseback, gazing out across the moors or the cliff sides or the ocean itself, pondering the weight of his existence, or the love in his heart.
Surely, this was what Frederick was doing, just now. Ella knew him far too well. Far, far better than Tatiana ever could.
But there was little she could do about that just now. Not as the night settled itself over the estate, casting long shadows across the grass, turning her parents’ eyes towards the ground, hinting at bedtime.
Ella stretched back towards her bed. Her stomach clenched with hunger. She remembered that she hadn’t bothered to eat much for dinner, nor for breakfast, and felt soggy with wine. The world cranked to and fro. Her dizziness was to blame, but she couldn’t help wondering if, now that the rules of her life were altered, the rules of nature had shifted, as well.
Outside, she heard the familiar shuffle of Tatiana’s feet. For a moment, Ella prayed that Tatiana wouldn’t knock, wouldn’t link herself with Ella. But then, for a second, Ella thought that Tatiana wouldn’t find her – and this felt more wretched than everything else. Ella hadn’t spent many days of her life without a final conversation with Tatiana in the evening. Somehow, it grounded her to reality.
“There you are,” Tatiana sighed at the door. Her voice was girlish, almost sugary.
Ella rolled to her side, blinking at her sister. She offered no smile, although she desperately wanted to. Tatiana ambled towards her, her own smile falling. She pressed her hands atop the mattress, bouncing them a bit.
“What is it, dear sister?” Tatiana asked, her eyebrows furrowing. “I’ve hardly seen you all evening. I was looking for you during the toasts. Especially the one Frederick’s mother made. It was absolutely wretched. You would have loved it. It seems that Frederick’s literary personality didn’t come from her.”
“I’m afraid I must have stepped out,” Ella murmured, rubbing at her eyes. “I’m sorry to have missed it.”
“You must have missed all of them, then!” Tatiana said, sweeping herself to the edge of the bed and allowing her dress to billow out before her. She stared at the corner of the bedroom. “I don’t suppose you’re going to miss the wedding, as well. Are you?”
“Don’t be silly,” Ella said, her throat tight.
Although, in the back of her mind, she thought now: there was a mighty possibility that there never would be a wedding.
“You should see the way Frederick’s handling all this attention,” Tatiana said, clearly trying to pull them through this difficult, tense conversation. She swallowed hard. “He’s always squeezing my elbow, trying to tell me he’s uncomfortable. I just shrug to him, tell him there’s very little I can do about it.”
“Right. You’ve always been the life of every party,” Ella offered, leaning a bit tighter towards her sister. “It must be difficult, handling his introversion.”
“Of course.” Tatiana nodded. “But then I just remember what it’s been like to be your sister over the years, and everything feels right as rain again.”
“Ha,” Ella said, rolling her eyes back. “What an insult.”
But Ella recognised this as her very initial opening. She waited for a long moment, listening as her mother and father crested the steps outside, creaking along the floorboards.
“I suppose you know this, but there are plenty of men who would love the attention, far more than Frederick,” Ella said.
Tatiana flipped her black curls down her back. Her eyelashes gleamed in the moonlight, long and thick. She looked every bit a fairy, a specimen cultivated in the pages of a book.
“What do you mean, Ella?”
“I just mean…” Ella began.
“He’s really very sweet,” Tatiana whispered. She popped back on the ground, giving Ella a demure, soft expression. “I know you’re worried about me, but I’m very certain about this. I love him. I love him more than I’ve ever loved the others.”
Ella sniffed at this. She’d never, never in her life, considered loving anyone else BUT Frederick. And the fact that Tatiana had been allowed to be in love countless times, before finally “arriving” at Frederick? That was preposterous.
“Of course,” Ella said instead, shoving down the swirling chaos of her own mind. “Of course, I understand that.”
“Good night, Beanie,” Tatiana said, taking final, light taps towards the door and pausing in the crack. “May flights of angels bid thee –”
“To thy rest,” Ella echoed back, her heart dipping lower in her chest. “Good night.”
