Page 23 of The Lord who Captured Her Innocent Heart
Was Tatiana even capable of understanding the darkness that seemed to lurk within Ella’s soul?
Tatiana rapped on Ella’s door moments later. Throughout the day, the sisters had had very little to do with one another. Ella knew that the gap between them had grown thicker, that they were no longer linked in a similar capacity. Surely, Tatiana would recognise this soon, unless she already had.
“What is it?” Ella asked, her voice strained. She felt as though it was trapped in her throat.
“Ella, please!” Tatiana sighed. “I want to speak with you before we sleep.”
Ella blinked several times, allowing silence to pass. Finally, she blurted, “All right. Come in.”
Tatiana burst into the bedroom, a storm of chaos and light. Her black hair had been taken from its updo, and she seemed frenetic, alive. Ella remained on her back, gazing at her sister.
“Are you just going to lay there, without undressing?” Tatiana asked. “It’s really not good for the fabric of the gown, you know, to sleep in it.”
“Are you going to continue to boss me around like this, even into your marriage?” Ella asked, her tongue a bit sharp.
“Darling girl, your moods have been rather unfortunate as of late, haven’t they?” Tatiana asked, arching her brow. She knocked her hip into the door and forced it closed, making them alone, together. As she stood, a little wrinkle stitched itself between her eyebrows.
Again, Ella had the thought that of course, of course Peter loved her. Wasn’t she just a thing of beauty? Hadn’t Ella always regarded her sister precisely this way, as though she was the quintessential human on this planet?
“What is it?” Tatiana asked, the side of her mouth quivering. “I dare say I’m anxious you’ll never speak to me again. Your eyes seem to gaze directly through me.”
Ella sighed and pulled herself up, allowing her shoulders to fall back. She brought her feet to the side of the bed and swung them to and fro, feeling like a much younger child. Tatiana sprung towards the window, stringing her fingers through her hair.
“You can talk to me about anything, Ella,” Tatiana said, her voice a bit breathy. “Whatever chaos is in your head, you can spin it towards me. It’s what I’m here for.” Her eyes glittered back towards Ella, filled with some sort of sense of — what? Expectation?
“What is it you think I’m upset about?” Ella decided to ask, drawing the strength from her inner belly.
Tatiana drew back against the edge of the window, her face glowing with rapture. She looked as though she’d won. “I’ve waited for this day for years.”
“What day?” Ella asked.
“The day you find your suitor, darling.” Tatiana sighed. “I imagined it. What it would feel like to see you alongside the man of your dreams. What I would feel when he looked at you like you were the only woman in the world. And finally, today, I spotted it. It hit me like a punch in the stomach, darling. I finally understand what you must be feeling, about my engagement with Frederick. How very strange it is to give one another to others, when we spent so very long alone with only each other to hold onto.”
Ella blinked several times. For a long moment, she struggled, unsure about precisely what Tatiana was speaking of. Tatiana held her gaze steady, almost daring Ella to break. It felt like the most intense face-off.
Then, the realisation struck Ella immediately, and she allowed her head to fall back with laughter. She guffawed and then lurched up from the bed, drawing her hands around to the back of her neck to begin the long process of unbuttoning. As she uncoiled herself from the dress, she beamed at Tatiana, saying, “Oh. I see. You’re speaking of Lord Holloway, aren’t you?”
Tatiana arched her brow. “Of course. He’s obviously falling in love with you.”
“That’s absolutely untrue,” Ella said. She stepped out of her pink gown, drawing it towards the wardrobe. Bits of fabric stuck out from between the doors as she tried to stuff it back in with the other dresses. Her heart felt achy and strange, but her mind surged, trying to find another path to what she desired the most.
“That’s not to say that Lord Holloway isn’t an incredibly stellar man,” she said, trying to busy herself with the process of preparing for bed. She dropped her fingers into the basin of water, sweeping droplets across her cheeks and forehead. “This evening, when he positioned himself at the pianoforte, I felt sure I would find it endlessly boring. Just another waste of time.”
“It is what you generally think, isn’t it?” Tatiana said. Ella could feel the grin in her voice, despite not glancing her way.
“But he played with more emotion than I knew could linger behind music,” Ella continued. “He’s artistic, handsome. Everything a woman should dream of. Don’t you think?”
At this, she turned back towards her sister. Tatiana’s eyes were enormous, like those of a doe. Ella pressed forward, hopeful that she’d begun on her trek of convincing her sister that Peter was everything she, Tatiana, could possibly dream of. She imagined Peter listening in on them, hearing her various compliments. He had better appreciate it, she thought now.
“I suppose so,” Tatiana said.
“Imagine having a man like that. A man willing to spend hours and hours a day on the pianoforte. A man apt to weep at the beauty of a painting. Yes, he’s certainly arrogant, or can be. But he also sees the world the way you see it. Don’t you agree, Tatiana?”
“And I dare say it’s always been my life’s goal, making you see the world in precisely this way,” Tatiana said. She swept forward, draping her arms around Ella. She hugged her tight.
Ella staggered back a bit, suddenly conscious that perhaps she hadn’t tugged the conversation in precisely the right direction.
“Certainly, he sees beauty in ways that Frederick doesn’t,” Ella said, but her voice was muffled a bit in the hug.
