Page 97 of A Duchess to Fight For
Chapter 25
The next morning, Jacobs knocked on Percy’s door to inform him that Cecil and Kent were eating in the breakfast room. He further explained that they were told he wasn’t accepting visitors and they didn’t care. They specifically wanted him to know that, “If I am fired, one of the others will hire me.”
Percy rolled his eyes and told Jacobs to call for the valet.
Dressed and put together better than he had been in the last three days, Percy entered the breakfast room, chose food from the buffet and sat. He poured himself coffee.
“You two don’t mind if I join you?” Percy said dryly.
Cecil answered, “No. No. Not at all, be our guest.”
Percy mumbled that they were his uninvited guests, which got a snort out of Kent.
They ate in silence. Cecil and Kent looked at each other. They would need to talk first since they could tell Percy wouldn’t.
“What have you been doing the last three days?”
“Contemplating my navel. And you?”
Cecil said, “Not contemplating my navel. Is there a particular reason you are contemplating your navel?”
Percy sat back, coffee in hand. He rolled his eyes. “Oh, Cecil, if you thought about it for more than thirty seconds you would figure it out.”
“I want to hear it from you,” Cecil said softly.
Percy gathered his thoughts. “I heard from you,” looking at Cecil then at Kent, “and from Amelia, that I turned into a different person since my marriage proposal was rejected. A person who was not particularly pleasant to be around.
“I have been sabotaging my relationship unknowingly while I wallowed in self-pity. I still can’t believe I was that bad, but if you two and Amelia said so, it must be true.
“So, for the last three days, I’ve needed to cut off all outside influences I rely on and look inside.
“I read about it once in an ancient Chinese book on meditation. I barely read the book. I’m not cut out for meditation. But I thought I’d give the introspection part of the exercise a try.”
“You are the last person who I think could meditate. Stick to running in the park,” Cecil suggested.
Percy poured himself more coffee. He looked at Cecil then Kent. They seemed eager to hear him. He got the sense they wanted to hear something that would make it all better.
“I wanted to see if I could reconcile the external me with the internal me.” Percy shrugged. “I know I sound ridiculous even saying such a thing, but even I know I can, at times, get overstimulated by the world around me.”
“What did you find, I mean besides you still can’t meditate?” Cecil asked.
Percy blew out a long breath. “You both are right. I have not been pleasant to be around. If I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t keep company with me either.
“I have two choices. I can become the version of Percy that I was before I proposed to Louisa, or I can pave a new life for myself. I can’t backtrack. Deep down, I’m a good person. I know that.
“If Louisa doesn’t want me, I will go to America and work with Hobart in the import and export business. He and Frederick are finally going to send a ship to Boston. I hear I might enjoy it there. New. Growing. Exciting.
“That’s if Louisa doesn’t want me. I’ve been in the marriage mart with you. You both have had great fortune in finding women who you can spend the rest of your lives with. I have not. There’s only the one for me.”
Percy shrugged and sat back. A footman began clearing his breakfast plate.
Cecil and Kent looked at each other in astonishment. “You haven’t been that bad. Not enough to go to America or to think you would ever find a woman who would put up with you.”
“I don’t want to find a woman to put up with me. I want to find a woman to love, who loves me.
“If I leave my townhouse for any other reason than to go to White’s, Gentleman Jackson’s or to run around St James’s Park, I will eventually run into her and her husband. I will hear that she has given birth to a child. I will hear how happy she is that her life turned out so well.
“I can’t watch it. Maybe I’ll have to settle for a woman who puts up with me when I’m living in Boston. But I won’t have to be afraid of crossing paths with Louisa and her husband. In Boston, I can leave my house with no fear of seeing her and having another piece of my heart carved out.”
