Page 18 of Loving a Noble Gentleman
But as she stepped down from the carriage with the help of the driver, she was not convinced at all. All of a sudden, nothing felt quite right anymore.
***
Mary felt exhausted as the carriage drove her away from Gloria’s house once more, returning her back to her own house. She had been pulled, twisted, measured, and prodded for hours on end. She had felt so many different fabrics and discussed so many colours that it left her feeling dizzy.
“You did not seem to enjoy yourself today,” Daisy commented as she cocked her head at Mary. “Do you not enjoy dress shopping? That seems like something I would think would be very enjoyable.”
Of course, that was something that Daisy had never experienced, which was just another thing for Mary to feel guilty about. Daisy only had her work uniform, as far as Mary knew. “Oh, y ... yes,” she stammered. “I guess I am just not quite myself today.”
Daisy did not push it. She could just tell that this was something her friend did not want to talk about. She watched her out of the corner of her eye instead, searching for a moment where she would look more approachable, but her expression remained closed off and sad all the way back home. Mary did not even make the effort to look out the window again; it was almost as if all she could see were her feet.
Mary barely even knew where she was anymore; a cold sensation had her gripped as her brain whirred rapidly. The choice that she had in front of her was becoming increasingly difficult with every passing second. It should have been simple; she did not love or even like Duke Edmund Smith, so she should not have to marry him, but that was not the way that the world worked.
Maybe I will end up like Charlotte after all. Maybe we are both destined to end up miserable and stuck.
What would her father think if he could see their sadness? Would that have caused him to change his mind? Maybe if he could see the terror in his eldest daughter’s eyes, he would help her to escape her marriage, even if that was unheard of. Maybe he would allow Mary the choice if that happened.
Why did you have to die, Father?she thought morosely in a way she had not done in years. All of this had dredged up the sadness and loss she felt that he was gone. It was as if the last five years had not even happened, and the funeral had only occurred the day before.I wish that you were still here, Father. I miss you a lot.
Once they pulled up outside the house, Mary felt washed out and ready for some alone time in her bedroom. She was upset that she had dragged Daisy along to the dressmakers with her when she had not spoken with her much, but she hoped that her friend would understand. All Mary needed was some time to think.
Unfortunately, that was not going to happen.
“Where have you been?” Walter snapped at her from just inside the front door. “I have been waiting for you for over thirty minutes.”
Mary resisted the urge to huff at his very unwelcome presence. This was the absolute last thing that she needed today. “I went to visit my dressmaker,” she told him coldly. “I was not aware that we had an appointment today.”
“We do not, but there are things that we must discuss, do you not think?” Walter pumped his fists by his side. He grew weary of Mary and her indecision, and it made him want to do something drastic just to punish her. “I have sent out the letter to the Duke, as discussed, but since we have not received a reply yet, I believe we need to start considering other options.”
A spark of hope filled Mary’s chest; this had to be a good sign that things were potentially looking up, did it not?
“I went to the dressmakers to get a garment made for me to attend some society functions,” Mary replied confidently. “So if His Grace does not see fit to reply, I can marry someone else. I shall still inherit the house then, shall I not?”
Walter scowled. “You have done that without discussing it with me?”
“I did not know I would have to discuss everything with you.” Mary felt stunned; this was not the reaction that she expected from him. She assumed he would be happy that she was not being difficult for him. “I apologise for stepping out of line.”
Walter shook his head as he tried his hardest to keep the string of expletives inside. “I do not see what choice we have. Like I have said to you before, your father was not specific about many details. Maybe that is something I should have pushed for when he was alive, but it is too late to worry about it now. We must just work with what we believe ourselves. I presume if Edmund does not respond to our communication, and if he does not wish to marry you, then I assume we can find another more suitable person for you.”
Mary nodded, waiting for happiness to surge through her. This was what she wanted, what she was hoping for, so why did she not feel better? Was it simply the moroseness she had been experiencing all day continuing, or was it something else?
“So let us talk; we need to plan exactly what we intend to do.” Walter returned to an ‘all business’ mode. “Now that everything has become much more complicated, we have to decide how to make this work. Do you not agree?”
“Yes,” Mary whispered. “I agree.”
