Page 84 of A Bride for the Icy Duke
“I remembered…” he breathed, his thumb brushing across her rain-soaked cheek. “I finally remembered. And when I couldn'tfind you, when I realized you might have come back here—” His grip on her tightened, almost painful. “God, Lydia, I thought history was repeating itself. I thought I would find you in the water again, and this time I would be too late.”
A sob broke from her throat, and suddenly she was crying in earnest, her hands fisting in his wet shirt. “You remember me,” she choked out.
“How could I forget?” His own voice was thick with unshed tears. “That girl—you—you were so afraid, so lost. And I held you, and I promised you everything would be all right. I promised…” He pressed his forehead to hers, his breath ragged. “And then I failed you. I married you and abandoned you, just as broken as you were that… that night.”
“Alexander…”
“No.” He shook his head, fingers threading through her wet hair. “Let me say this. I saved you once, and then I abandoned you. I took you from your home, gave you my name, and walked away. What kind of man does that? What kind of man makes a promise to a frightened girl and then breaks it the moment he becomes responsible for the woman she grew into?”
A sob tore from her throat—raw and broken. “You didn't remember me,” she choked out, and the words nearly brought him to his knees. “All this time, I thought I had been nothing to you...”
“You were never!” The anguish in his voice made her chest ache. “I should have known. Thoseeyes—your eyes—I should have known. And instead I left you here, alone and grieving, just as I found you all those years ago.” His hands trembled against her face. “When I realized where you must have gone tonight, I—” His voice broke entirely.
“I wasn't going to…”
“How could you think, now that I have discovered happiness, that I would throw it all away?!”
Her brows came together, and her eyes searched his. “I-I don't understand.”
“What can I say to make you understand? You must be freezing. Come with me. I'll take you home.”
She pulled free from his grasp. “What do you mean, Alexander?”
“I mean, I would never have left if I had the chance!” he cried. “If you tell me to go, that is one thing, but I could not leave you alone. Lydia, do you know what you mean to me?”
“I,” she whispered, and he noted with concern that her lips were blue. Without thinking, he bent and captured her mouth with his own.
In that single kiss, he sought to convey everything he felt, all the confused and overwhelming and messy emotions in his chest.How relieved he was she was here; how angry he was that she had put herself in danger; how foolish she was to think he could ever voluntarily leave her!
How much he needed her…
After a moment, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Urgently, fervently, and he thought he felt some of what he offered her reflected back at him again. How relieved she was he had come after her; that he cared for her just as deeply; that she was hurting and he could put an end to her pain.
He broke away before he wanted to, spurred by the chill of her skin. “We—we must get you somewhere dry,” he shuddered in the chill, passing a hand over her wet curls. “Y-you are frozen. Then we can talk.”
Her fingers found his chin, tilting his head back to her. “You came after me…” she whispered, still half-wondering, as though that had ever been in question.
He caught her wrist, holding on tight. “The moment I knew you were gone. I thought you went home, but when I couldn’t find you, I came back. I will always come back for you, Lydia. You have given me light when I thought my life would always have none. You gave me hope. I was a dead man walking when I found you.” He bent so his nose brushed hers. “And now I’m alive. Whatever else happens, that will be true. So long as I don’t lose you forever…”
She nodded, pressing both hands to his cheeks and kissing him one last time, her lips hungry. “I… I thought I already said goodbye,” she exhaled as she released him.
“You willneverneed to say goodbye.” Bending, he scooped her into his arms, the lantern dangling from one of his hands, and strode back through the undergrowth in the direction of the house. Lady Harrogate would send them back with a carriage.
“This is what I ought to have done that first time,” he growled. “I should have walked back with you and spoken to your father directly.”
She shivered, curling up against his chest, her face pressed against his neck as though she sought to sink into his warmth. “You did more than you needed.”
“And yet still less than I should have.”
“Y-you pulled me from the water.” She sniffled. “I’ll never forget the way you embraced me.” After a hesitation, she added, “Nor the way Helena helped me.”
For once, the mention of her name did nothing to unsettle him. There was no deep ache of loss in his chest, or a sense that he had missed out on the future he so desperately wanted. Her death had been a tragedy, and perhaps if it hadn’t happened, it would have been happy. But ithadhappened, and in ruining him, it had given him all the tools to be whole again.
Because of it, he had met Lydia again, and he could never regret that.
“She was kind,” he said, and felt nothing at that statement, either.
Shewaskind. And her memory would forever be cherished. But it would never replace his wife.
