Page 24 of Quiver of Cobras
Lunaria rolled her eyes. ‘You’re incorrigible.’
My grin widened. ‘I know.’ I looked her up and down. The flowery dress I’d insulted earlier had been replaced with a boring jeans and T-shirt uniform. It was depressingly identical to my own outfit. ‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Rubus is in a foul mood and I don’t feel like I’ve had any fun for ages.’ I pursed my lips. ‘I can’t ever remember havingrealfun. Isn’t that depressing? I definitely need some retail therapy.’
She clapped her hands. ‘Great! I was thinking we could hit the big department store out on the high street near the library. There are all sorts of designer labels there.’
‘Mmmhmm.’ I took her arm. ‘Let’s walk. Maybe we’ll find a few boutiques along the way.’
‘I literally can’t wait.’
My smile vanished. ‘You literallycanwait. You literally have to wait.’
Lunaria stared at me. ‘It’s just a figure of speech.’
I bit back my retort. Evil Madrona did not have to mean Pedantic Grammar Bitch Madrona. Maybe I’d indulge that side of myself later, though.
Chapter Six
We tottered happily down the pavement together. Lunaria was a good foot taller than me so it was easy to block her constant stream of inane chatter by keeping my head angled down. I amused myself by stoutly refusing to alter my path for other pedestrians. It was rather fun playing chicken with everyone else. At one point I almost collided with some metrosexual guy with a man bun. He scowled at me when he was forced to sidestep to avoid smacking into me. I beamed.Mypavement.
We’d just reached the first bank of shops when Lunaria delved into her pocket and drew out a packet of cigarettes. She offered me one, looking surprised when I declined. ‘It’s so terribly passé for villains to smoke these days,’ I said, pretending I knew what in gasbudlikin hell I was talking about. ‘I’ve quit.’
‘Good for you,’ she told me. ‘But we’re not villains. We’re the good guys. We’re working to bring everyone home – or at least we’re working to help Rubus bring everyone home.’
I resisted the urge to reach up and throttle her. She was too tall for my hands to reach anyway. ‘Aw,’ I said instead, pointing across the street at a woman holding a toddler’s hand. ‘Isn’t that kid cute?’
She followed my gaze. ‘Yeah,’ she said unconvincingly.
‘You agree with me?’ I gave her a surprised look. ‘It’s barely knee height and it’s probably already a terror. Snot is dripping from its nose. I can smell its nappy from here!’
‘The kid’s mother wouldn’t thank you for calling her child “it”,’ Lunaria murmured.
‘At least when Rubus brings us all home to Mag Mell, there won’t be any more kids like that. That woman will finally be free of all her obligations and responsibilities.’ I gave them both a critical eye. ‘If she survives.’
Lunaria frowned. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘You know.’ I pointed towards them. ‘When Rubus gets back the sphere and uses it to force open the borders to Mag Mell so we can get home, this entire demesne will be flooded with magic. I’ve had it all explained to me. Most humans won’t survive. This place isn’t meant for magic.’ I leaned in towards her. ‘If they’re not good enough for the magic, then they’re not good enough to live. Just like that brat over there.’
Her brow furrowed slightly. ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘You’re right.’ She sounded unconvinced and I allowed myself a tiny smile. If I couldn’t bulldoze my villainous way into making faeries like Lunaria see that what Rubus was doing was wrong, I’d have be more subtle. Judging by the expression on Lunaria’s face, it was already working.
‘Look!’
Lunaria jumped, seemingly reluctant to see what had caught my eye this time. ‘What?’
‘That’s the shop we need!’ I burbled. I took off across the street, ignoring the car bearing down on me and the screeching of a horn as I crossed. I didn’t check to see if the Fey was following me. I knew she would be.
The shop in question had covered windows with nothing on display. I smiled cheerily and entered. The dim interior was exactly as I’d hoped – pink and red lights, tacky plastic sex toys and a range of interesting whips.
‘Madrona,’ Lunaria whispered at my back. ‘This isn’t a clothes shop.’
‘I know. Isn’t it great?’ I ignored the greasy-haired man with a twinkle in his eye at the counter and headed for the clothes rail in the corner. ‘This,’ I declared, alighting upon a black leather corset and pulling it out. ‘This is what I want.’ I glanced at the shop assistant. ‘Do you have any matching trousers?’ I asked.
‘Crotchless?’
I tapped my mouth as if considering. ‘Hmm. Probably not a good idea.’
He pointed to another rail. Lunaria stood in the middle of the shop, as if afraid to touch anything. I smirked. ‘Come on, Loony,’ I murmured. ‘I reckon there’s plenty in here that’ll fit you. And that Rubus will appreciate.’
That last part did the trick. While I ambled into the pungent dressing room to try on my outfit, Lunaria started searching for something. Some shiny red PVC would do wonders for her complexion.
