Page 6 of Slouch Witch
‘Oh, piss off.’ He wasn’t even being accurate: there is a whole group of witches who have plenty of power who avoid the Order like the plague. They’ve created their own special snowflake coven and plot nonsensically to bring the Order down. I’m not one of them – but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Not to mention that half the non-witch population also possesses some magic skills, even if most of those skills are weak and barely noticeable. ‘Just because the majority of witches sign up doesn’t mean we all do.’ I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. ‘Now get this bloody binding off of me.’
They exchanged glances. ‘Perhaps we should go inside.’
If it meant getting these idiots out of my life, I’d strip naked and do the can-can. I gestured them in. ‘Then get a move on.’
Red Cloak shuffled towards the living room; Sexy-But-Annoying Geek strode in like he owned the place. He gazed round at the strewn bee pollen and raised a dark eyebrow. ‘In the middle of something, were you?’
‘As it happens,’ I answered through gritted teeth, ‘yes, I was.’ I crossed my arms. ‘How could you be so stupid? Don’t you check before you go around willy-nilly placing magical soul-bindings on people?’
His gaze turned icy. ‘This is Eve Harrington’s residence. She lives alone. You answered the door wearing…’ he looked me up and down and I could swear his lip curled ‘…that. Common sense would dictate—’
I stepped up to him. ‘Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare bring up common sense when it’s patently clear that neither of you have any. Didn’t you check whether she was away?’
A muscle jerked in his cheek. ‘We were unaware of that.’
‘Unaware?’ I mocked. ‘Some great Order you are! You don’t even know where your own people are when you’re the ones who sent them away!’
‘I’m sure this can all be sorted out.’ He glanced at Red Cloak. ‘Biggins? Remove her binding and we can let this … person leave.’
I rolled my eyes. He couldn’t have sounded more disdainful if he went for a bath in the Sea of Disparagement and washed his hair in Sneer. ‘Yeah, Biggins,’ I added, matching his tone. ‘Remove the binding.’
Biggins coughed. His cheeks flushed red and I started to get a very bad feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. ‘Well, Adeptus Winter,’ he demurred, ‘the thing is…’
‘What?’
Biggins scratched his neck. ‘Everyone knew you weren’t very keen to take on a trainee.’
‘So?’ Winter glowered in a perfect personification of his name.
‘Ipsissimus Smythe didn’t want you to change your mind when you got, uh…’ Biggins was growing redder and redder. Despite the ridiculousness of this situation, I was fascinated.
‘When I got what?’
‘Bored or, er, irritated.’
‘What exactly does that mean?’ Winter snapped.
I sighed. ‘It’s obvious, isn’t it? Because you’re some kind of bully who doesn’t play well with others, he’s made the binding unbreakable.’
Winter’s blue eyes narrowed. ‘I am not a bully, I just have high standards.’ He drew himself up. ‘And no binding is unbreakable.’
He wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. I hate herblore but that doesn’t mean I don’t know a fair bit about it. ‘Actually,’ I told him, ‘if you use essence of lavender and combine it with a sprinkling of red clover in your pre-ritual preparations, and then you use the right combination of runes, you can create an unbreakable binding.’ I glanced at Biggins. ‘Right?’
He seemed relieved that I’d provided the answer. ‘Right.’
I hate it when I know stuff like this.
‘I knew I should have gone for that Tarquin fellow,’ Winter muttered. I stiffened immediately and he glanced towards me. ‘I selected Ms Harrington because she is at the top of her game. I require a trainee who is astute, hard working and prepared to go above and beyond the call of duty. My work is not frivolous and not to be taken lightly.’
Ooooh. Big words. I ignored him and addressed Biggins. ‘What are the precise terms of the binding?’ I asked.
He swallowed. ‘It’s for 588 days.’
‘Yes,’ I said impatiently. ‘I got that part. It’s an important magical number. What else?’
‘You have to remain within five miles of each other.’
I winced. Well, that would make driving a taxi complicated. Perhaps I could petition the Order for compensation, though, and take the next two years off. ‘Anything else?’ I demanded.
