Page 5 of Slouch Witch
This wasn’t the first time I’d been round to her flat. I’d looked after Harold on a few other occasions when she’d been away for work and had once ventured there for a party she put on to impress her boss. Alas, I inadvertently mistook him for one of the local binmen who serve this building and always have a cheery smile and a kind word. When I asked him how the rubbish business was going, he assumed I belonged to one of the many witch-hating chapters and looked ready to throttle me. I apologised profusely but the situation was only compounded when Eve appeared to smooth things over and introduced me. Of course, he recognised my name. It might have been years since I had anything to do with the Order but apparently I was still mud as far as the upper echelons of the Second and Third Levels were concerned. Whatever.
Every time I was in Eve’s flat, I was struck by howcleaneverything was. I’d have known if she paid someone to do her dusting for her. It was possible she’d mastered a complicated series of runes that enabled her to use magic to keep the place spick and span but I suspected that she used nothing more than elbow grease. The poor woman needed to get out more.
‘Harold,’ I called. ‘Harold! It’s Ivy from down the hall.’
The cat didn’t answer. Perhaps I was being too familiar with the familiar. I tried again. ‘Harold Fitzwilliam Duxworthy the Third? Are you there?’
There was a faint meow from the living room. My brow furrowed slightly. I followed the noise, pushing open the door in time to see a small brown shape dart at full speed across the coffee table. A heartbeat later Harold flew after it, knocking over several black candles and what had to be a year’s supply of enchanted bee pollen across Eve’s spotless floor. I sucked in a pained breath; I knew how much that stuff cost. Then I sneezed three times in quick succession and grimaced.
‘Sneeze on Friday, sneeze for woe,’ I muttered to myself. That didn’t bode well.
Leaving the pollen for now, I edged round the table to try and find Harold and discover what he’d been chasing. He was squeezed into the gap between the wall and the sofa, staring fixedly with huge pupils at something underneath it. I grabbed him and received a yowl and a vicious scratch for my efforts. I tossed him into the kitchen and locked the door then hunkered down on all fours and peered under the sofa. From the gloom in the corner, I could make out a tiny twitching nose and quivering whiskers. A mouse.
I pulled back. Huh. Although Eve had said she was doing well at Myomancy, it seemed likely that the little creature was scampering around and causing havoc not because her flat had a nest of rodents but because she was using him to hone her skills. I tapped my mouth thoughtfully. It was a long time since I’d practised the art of reading rodent behaviour; I wondered whether I could still do it.
I let myself relax, emptying my mind as I’d once been taught, and focused on the mouse. For a long moment it remained frozen but, when I crooked my little finger, it skittered towards me. I let out a silent breath. I still had it.
I reached underneath the sofa and turned over my palm. The mouse wasted no time; it tentatively advanced, its small paws tickling my skin. I gave it a moment to get comfortable and then slowly drew it out. Standing up, I held it aloft and looked into its shiny eyes. ‘So, Mister,’ I began. The mouse twitched. ‘Sorry. I mean Miss.’ It relaxed again.
‘What do you have to tell me?’ I enquired, pushing out a tendril of magic towards it. ‘I could do with some good fortune coming my way.’
The mouse quivered, its long tail falling over my thumb. As if startled by its own actions, it spun round, lunged for my thumb and sank in its teeth. I yelped and dropped it. From the kitchen, I could hear Harold hissing and scratching at the closed door. The little rodent darted back for the safety of the sofa whilst I stared at the beads of blood rising up from my skin. This was not good, not good at all.
Before I could seek out the mouse once more, there was a sharp knock on the door. I cursed. Eve was never around at this hour – who on earth could be calling on her? I shuffled over and opened it, gazing at the two figures waiting there.
Given that the nearest one was wearing a red, hooded cloak, it didn’t take a genius to work out who they were. Order geeks – and Order geeks here on official business. Honestly; didn’t they check their own work schedules before they came out all this way?
My gaze swung to the other figure and I registered close-cropped dark hair and a clean, square jaw. There was a long scar running from his ear almost to his nose but it didn’t detract from his appearance; if anything, it gave him a deliciously dangerous air. Two piercing blue eyes watched me expressionlessly. Less of a geek and more of a walking advertisement for virile masculinity. Hello.
‘Eve Harrington,’ Red Cloak intoned. ‘We are pleased to inform you that you have received provisional Second Order status.’
My mouth dropped open; Eve had told me yesterday that she’d not even taken the exams yet. She really was a rising star in the Order. Before I could tell him that she wasn’t in, Red Cloak grabbed my arm and began to mutter.
‘Hey!’ I protested. Unfortunately, it was too late. Far, far too late.
‘You are now bound to Raphael Winter for the next 588 days as you complete your transition to the Second Order of The Hallowed Order of Magical Enlightenment. He will act as your mentor and guide while you both work for our glorious and esteemed institution.’ For a brief moment, his eyes twinkled and his voice softened. ‘Congratulations. You’re very lucky to have him as your partner. I’m sure you’ll do great things together.’
My arm tingled painfully as the binding pierced my flesh and tied itself to my soul. I stared at the Order official in horror. What the bejesus had he done? ‘You … you…’ My jaw worked but the words wouldn’t come out.
The other man stepped forward and I realised that what I’d thought was a lack of emotion was actually an air of sneering disappointment. ‘Perhaps, Miss Harrington, you should put on some more appropriate attire for such a decorous occasion.’
Decorous occasion? He might look like a sex symbol but he was clearly a pompous idiot. A pompous, foolish idiot. A pompous, foolish, moronic idiot who couldn’t see the truth when it was staring him in the damn face. Yeah, I’d been right the first time. Another Order geek.
‘You plonkers.’ Both men frowned slightly. ‘You absolute plonkers.’ I shook my head. ‘Do you have any idea what you’ve done? I’m not Eve Harrington! Do I look like a six-foot brunette?’ I waved at my plump blonde form. ‘I’m Eve’s neighbour. I just popped in to check on her cat. She’s not here – she’s gone up north on sodding Order business!’ I scratched furiously at my arm. ‘Get this damn thing off me!’
The red-cloaked man paled, his eyes rounding as he stared at me. ‘You’re joking, right?’
I put my hands on my hips and glared. ‘Do I look like I’m joking?’
‘But you have to be a witch,’ he blustered. ‘The binding spell wouldn’t have taken if you weren’t.’
‘Of course I’m a damned witch,’ I snapped. ‘But I’m not First Level. I’m not even a Neophyte. I’m not in your stupid Order!’
Both of them looked shocked. Bully for them. ‘You’re a witch but you’re not in the Order?’
‘Are you guys for real? It’s not compulsory, you know.’
Red Cloak blinked rapidly. ‘Yeah, but anyone with any kind of power…’
