Page 111 of Wicked Devotion
He drops his arms to his side, and I take the opportunity to suck in a lungful of air and sit up straight. Logan doesn’t move, as if my words have turned him into a statue—one with a hurt expression on its face. And it’s only now I realize that the watery, bloody mess running down my cheeks wasn’t just a mix of rain andmytears.
Leaning closer, I grab Logan’s jaw to force him to look at me.
“You never tell me what’s going on here.” I point at my head, my voice strained with tears. “Or fucking here,” I say, hitting his chest right above his heart.
Logan pushes my hand away but keeps his fingers wrapped around my wrist.
“Because there is nothing worth telling about. Just a fucking ton of darkness, and every day, I expect to lose myself in there.”
He squeezes my wrist so hard I’m sure it’s only a matter of minutes until it breaks, but I don’t pull away. Instead, I cradle his face with my free hand. Fractures heal; so much easier to fix than what’s going to break inside of Logan if I don’t show him that I’m still here. That I’ll always be here.
“Well, it’s nothing, and with you, it’s a little less nothing. I tried so hard to stay away from you, Max, but you were so full of life and joy, and I just—couldn’t. You keep shining lights on the parts of me I don’t want to see, and I’m so fucking scared of losing you. That I’ll dull your light, and Lily’s, until you’re both as miserable as I am. You both need to leave because I don’t think I can live with the punishment of seeing the ruinsof the life you and Lily deserve, a life I’m only going to rob you of.”
Logan lets go of my arm to wipe over his face with the back of his hand, and I let out a shaky exhale.
“We’re not going to leave,” I say. “And you’re not going to lose us. I love you, and I’ll keep loving you until the day I take my last breath. You’re not robbing us of anything because we don’twantto live a life without you, Logan. Lily loves you, too; I know she does. The poor girl fell for you just as hard as I did back then.”
Taking his hand in mine, I wipe away the blood from his knuckles.
“You have to stop pushing us away. We love you, but you need to actuallyletus love you.”
“I don’t know if I can,” he says, leaning his head against mine.
“Do you trust me?” I whisper, and he nods. “Good, becauseIknow you can.”
I close the tiny distance between us, and for a moment, it doesn’t even feel like a kiss. More like mutual assurance that the other is still here, still breathing, still real.
“You’re not the man you used to be when we first met. You don’t see it, but you’ve changed. You let me in, and then Lily. You stay, in situations where the old version of you would have left the country. And even if you would try to leave, we’d simply follow you. There’s no way for you to get rid of Lily and me.”
“Is that a threat, sunshine?”
“A promise.”
In the distance, someone’s heavy footsteps thump on the grass.
“Are you gonna give me an alibi when they ask about Hunter’s whereabouts?” Logan asks, pushing a strand of wet hair out of my face.
But the bellowing voice that reaches us doesn’t belong to Charlie, so Logan and I stand up with a heavy sigh.
“Ruby isn’t answering her phone,” Sam yells over to us, his voice almost distorted by the heavy rainfall.
“Isn’t she walking Mochi at this hour?”
“No,” Sam snarls as we join him in the small, roofed area for drill instructors. “My wife treats her phone like a damn pacemaker. That woman picks up when I call, no matter if she’s fast asleep or in the fucking shower. Something is wrong. Call Lily.”
The last time I heard from Lily was a few hours ago when she sent me a good morning text and asked me if it really doesn’t annoy Logan if she messages him from time to time. The text I sent her, asking about her plans for the day, remains unanswered.
I call her, but she doesn’t pick up. So Logan tries his luck, with the same result. The teddy cam shows nothing out of the ordinary, just a made bed and an open bedroom door.
Opening another app, Logan clears his throat. “Safety measure,” he says. “They can’t be too far away. Lily’s phone is at Ruby’s house.”
Sam curses under his breath when the app for their security systems won’t load fast enough, the cameras only showing countless black squares. One after the other, the cameras turn on, revealing our two girls sitting on the couch in the living room.
“See, they are fine,” I say, only now noticing that I held my breath for the entire time that the app had been loading.
“No,” Sam mutters. “Give me your phone. The show,” he says while we wait for the call to go through. “They air a new episode every Monday. Ruby wouldn’t wait until today to watch it.”
Judging by the look on his face, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ihad to pick up pieces of my phone from all over the training ground in a few seconds.
