Page 45 of Wicked Devotion
“Because if he looks at you for too long—,” Logan hooks his fingers under my chin, tilting my head up. “I’m going to gouge his fucking eyes out.”
Max snorts behind me. “You’re such a charmer.”
Their phones beep at the same time, and neither of them looks happy as they read the message they’ve gotten.Don’t ask questions if you don’t want to hear the answer, I remind myself.
“I’m gonna bring you back to our room,” Max says, after exchanging a quick nod with Logan. “Enough action for one day.”
He lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. When I look up to say goodbye to Logan, he puts his hand on my cheek, which causes Max to stop in his tracks.
Logan leans closer, and as his lips brush over mine, the butterflies in my stomach run rampant. Max grips my thigh harder, and for a moment, I’m worried about being too heavy for him, but then I hear him type something into his phone.
“Been so good for me today, sweetheart,” Logan whispers before our lips meet in a kiss that’s over way too soon.
He walks back to his chair, and all softness is gone from his gaze. Like the last few seconds never happened.
“And Lillian,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “Stop thinking about him. That’s an order. Don’t mourn something so worthless.”
18
MAX
Being Logan’s plaything for the day must have tired Lily out because, by the time I reach our room, she’s half asleep in my arms.
I snuggle up in bed right next to her, knowing damn well I have more than enough stuff to do, but I’m unable to keep my hands off of her, even if it’s just for a second. As if she would turn into dust if I let her out of my sight or God himself is going to take her from me to show me I don’t deserve someone like her.
Because someone as ungrateful as me doesn’t get to feel loved.
I should be happy. Should run around with a smile so big it hurts, now that Logan seems to have accepted Lily, even kissed her. Everything is going according to plan.
Still, no amount of forced obliviousness is enough to mask the pain. A throbbing ache right in the part of my mind I try so hard to silence, where a few desperate neurons are screaming, ‘If he wanted to, he would.’So loud that on some days, not even a trunk full of C4 and free reign in our training area is enough to silence them.
It’s the part of my brain—or my heart—that tells me Logan treats me the way he does because he never really wanted me. That I’m nothing more than a distraction, a convenient place to empty his balls without the risk of pregnancy. A lovesick idiot who adheres to every single one of his rules without questioning them, who takes the tiniest scrap of attention with the desperation of a starving animal.
“Is everything okay? Lily asks as her hand finds mine under the covers.
“Always,” I whisper, pulling her closer.
I spendthe next twenty-four hours glued to Lily’s side, ignoring all obligations and phone calls.
We have to leave soon, and according to Red’s message, we’ll be gone for at least three days. Red is one of Logan’s friends, his onlyrealfriend. How they got Cantrell to agree that the task force is at Red’s free disposal is still a mystery to me and what Cantrell gets in return is an equally well-kept secret, but we could have worse partners than Red.
The thought of leaving Lily on base makes me feel terrible, but it’s too soon to take her with us. Even if Red would welcome her with open arms, not to mention that she’d probably be safer at his mansion than she’d be anywhere in the States. It’s the nature of Red’s business and our involvement in it that led to Logan’s and my decision to let Lily stay behind with Charlie.
Under other circumstances, I’d be grateful for a change of scenery and for a few days away in a country where Lieutenant General Sanders has nothing to say, but right now, I’m anything but looking forward to our departure in a few hours.
I don’t want to spend a single day without my girl, not even a fucking minute if I’m being honest.
As soon as we’re back, I’m going to talk to Joyce about the instructor position she mentioned when I stopped by her office. She was so excited that I felt bad for telling her it’s too early for me to pass on the action. The new position is admittedly right up my alley, but leaving the task force would mean disappointing the others. On the other hand, everything seems to be going to shit either way.
“Got a surprise for you, sweetheart,” Logan says as he enters the room, so abruptly he causes Lily to flinch in my lap.
Since we were in his office, he had made himself scarce and only checked in with Rockwell and me to have a quick talk about what we were going to do with Lily.
Logan’s hand is wrapped tight around an oversized teddy bear’s throat, and the poor thing tumbles to its side as he throws it onto the couch. This brings me to the sleeping situation, another thing we have to sort out once we’re back because I am too young to know about intervertebral discs.
“Don’t want you to get lonely while we’re gone,” he says, walking over this closet.
Impatiently, he stuffs his clothes into a duffle bag, badly hiding how annoyed he is that I didn’t pack for him.
