Page 46 of Wanna Play A Game?
I hang up the phone. I’ll protect my family. Always have and always will.
I go back to my cell, and once there, I wash my hands of the germs from the phone and shoot up a prayer, like I always do. There’s been a nasty flu going around the cell block. After I wash, I hold my right hand under the water again because I missed a spot with the soap. Then a few more times to make sure I got it. Then I realize I missed my left ring finger. I have to start my prayer over. I wash my finger a few times just to make sure. As I do, I think about what Sawyer brought home that caused Miles to freak out.
Fuck. Now the germs from the soap dispenser are all over my hands.
I start over. I have to be healthy to take care of my men. I’m the glue that holds them together. I clean under all my nails, but I missed a corner of the nail on my thumb.
I wash them again.
A CO bangs on my cell. “Cut it out, man. You’re wasting the water.”
“Almost done,” I mutter. Did Sawyer bring a woman home? And why the hell would he have done that?
I wash and wash and wash.
They’ll never be clean.
They’ll never be good enough.
I need to get out.
Chapter 21
Sawyer
Ihit the punching bag again and again. I can’t swing hard enough. I hit the bag again. The pain in my knuckles has turned into a numbing tingle, and there’s blood on the bag.
Whoopsie. Ryder is going to be pissed. He hates it when we leave messes around.
I drop to my knees and smear the drips on the mat. Then I draw a penis in it.
There.
I go back to hitting the bag. Cali turned Ryder in. She deserves every bit of what she’s getting and more. Why can’t Miles see that?
Fuck, but I enjoy her fight. Her fear. Despite that, I’m going easy on her, and Miles knows it. Or he would know it if he wasn’t so pussy whipped.
I hit the bag again. Ryder would know. I know he’s suffering right now. He thinks he can hide it, but he worries about us, even while in jail, to the point it makes him sick.
I hit it again. Ryder is the glue that holds our unit together. He does everything for us.
Punch, punch, punch.
God, Cali’s eyes. So beautiful and haunted and onfire.
Cali reminds me of myself as a kid. And I know where my fire came from. Ugly feelings start low in my belly.
Punch, punch, punch.
Don’t feel.
You’re so fucked up, Sawyer. You always said you wouldn’t be like me, and yet here you are.
Fuck! The voices are back. I punch harder.
Do anything not to feel. I normally don’t feel things on hunts.
My hunts aren’t normally like this.
