Page 74 of Better Run
He winces just the slightest bit.
“Jayden?” I feel my stomach with my hands. “What happened?”
He looks down at my hand. He traces little circles on my skin. “The doctor will come in and tell you.”
“No.” I grip his hand, making him look at me. Fear is pounding in my blood. “What. Happened?”
“You had a miscarriage.”
The world slows to a stop. Sounds mute, and everything except him fades. Finally, I get a word out. “What?”
He just keeps tracing circles on my hand. I blink. A miscarriage? You have to be pregnant to have those. I wasn’t…
Jayden presses into my side. He moves my hand over his waistband. “I’m sorry, kitten.” There’s raw agony in his voice. “I’m really sorry. But I won’t lose you.”
“What?” His tone scares me. I try to pull my hand away. He presses it into something hard and metal under his shirt. Does he have a gun?
There’s a knock at the door.
“If you try to pass a message on, I’ll kill them. Don’t talk to any of the nurses. Don’t talk to any of the staff.”
I look up at him in disbelief. He won’t meet my gaze.
The door opens, and someone bustles past the curtain. It’s a nurse. She smiles when she sees me up. “Mary, you’re awake.” She has brown hair and hearing aids, but she looks to be in her thirties. She goes to the computer and badges in. “You must have questions.”
I blink. She talks to me about miscarriage and something about my cervix and abnormalities. It goes by in a blur. All I feel is Jayden by my side and a sense of spiraling. At some point, she leaves. Jayden grabs my hand and just holds it.
I don’t look at him.
“Jo,” he says.
“Where’s Cole?”
“They won’t let him in unless he’s family.”
I turn to look at him finally. His scruff is deeply shadowed, and there are dark circles under his eyes. His gaze looks more shuttered than normal.
“How are you here then?”
“I’m your husband.”
Feeling breaks through the cloud I’m in. I snatch my hand back. “No, you’re not.”
There is no expression on his face, no spark behind his eyes.
Anger and disbelief build. I can’t even process the…miscarriage. If that’s even what happened. I don’t even want to think about it. I always knew I wanted a kid, but it was always so far in the future.
I swallow. I feel like I’m in a dream. I want to go back to what I know. My first thought is the cabin and the big bed and strong, warm bodies. Fuck. How could I think that? I want my bed.Mybed. At home. Kyle.
Jayden is watching me. I drop my head in my hands. “Can I have a minute?”
He hesitates.
My voice comes out in a whisper, “Please.”
He gets up. “I’ll be right outside.” He kisses the top of my head. His gun presses into my side, and he leaves.
***
