Page 82 of Three Irish Kings
Cillian, on the other hand, is quiet, reserved, but he’s so sweet after sex and sometimes, I get him to laugh during pillow talk, and it makes my heart swell.
And if I’m totally honest with myself, I want all of them. I’m falling for all of them, in different ways.
They all give me something different, make me feel something different, and I couldn’t choose if you put a gun to my head, which, though unlikely at this point, is still a possibility. As long as I’m a prisoner, it will always be a possibility.
And now this.
This changes everything.
If they find out I’m pregnant, they’ll be furious.
I have no idea if any of them even want to be a father, let alone with me as a mother. But the worst part?
I have no idea who the father is. And I have no way of knowing unless I have a DNA test done on the baby.
Fuck. Just as things were starting to become my new normal, whatever that means, this happens.
Liam will lose it. If he doesn’t kill me, he’ll lock me up with the baby and never look at my face again.
And Cillian… He will internalize it, convince himself he is not the father because he doesn’t deserve anything good in his life.
Dare will probably be sulky and jealous, but he’ll accept it. He’ll claim it as his if the others turn their backs on me, but he won’t be happy if the baby isn’t his, though he’ll tolerate it. Well, at least he will, if he doesn’t lose interest in me the moment he finds out about the pregnancy.
On the other hand, this baby isn’t just mine. It is one of theirs too. Which means whether I want to or not, I’m forever bound to one of them.
And if they wouldn’t let me go before, now I’ll never leave this place.
But as things have been, do I even want to leave?
I’ve had my moments that I could have escaped–when Dare inevitably falls asleep after a sex session, when Liam takes a shower after lovemaking. Cillian hasn’t ever given me an opportunity to escape, but between the other two, I could have gotten out.
But I didn’t. And I haven’t even made any plans to.
As much as I complain about them kidnapping me, the truth is I’m the happiest I’ve been in I don’t know how long. Maybe ever.
And I guess I’ve let myself get too accustomed to this lifestyle. I should want to get out of here, want to get back to work–and God, I’m going to be a mother now?
This is not something that I can just escape, put on someone else’s shoulders. This is my baby.
I’ve barely ever even thought about kids. I’ve always been focused on my career. I never thought I’d want any rugrats. But now, as I stare at the app knowing even without a test what I have growing inside me, I wonder if it’ll have Dare’s half-smile or Liam's ice blue eyes or Cillian’s sweet but shy personality.
My chest aches.
I never even knew about this baby until now, but now that I do, I want it. I really do. But at what cost?
What will happen when they find out?
They still have no idea what I do, and when they find out, there will be hell to pay.
And a baby on top of that? It makes my heart ache to even think about it.
Dare’s sleeping soundly beside me, and I realize that right now, I could go if I wanted. He sleeps soundly, and he trusts me. I could slip out before Cillian or Liam even show.
But watching his chest rise and fall, the soft expression on his face, his parted mouth... I can’t. I can’t leave him or the other two. Not yet.
Besides, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ll get a negative test, the way I did in college after a pregnancy scare. I wonder if I’ll feel the same sense of relief and sadness as I did then.
I can shake Dare awake to take me to the store, make up something, but before I can, the lock clicks from the living room.
