Page 21 of Anarchy
Chapter Eleven
Emma
There is a soft knock on the door, “come in!”
Lucy opens the door, "hey I wanted to see if maybe you'd want to hang out for a little today. I know we can't leave the club, but I thought it would be nice to get to know each other."
“I’d like that.” I offer her a smile as I drag the brush through my hair.
I've wanted to talk to her, she knew my mom, and I have so many questions. My dad really didn't talk about her that much. I always felt wrong to ask because it seemed to make him so upset. Now I feel like I have someone else that can kind of give me some idea of what she was like. I've seen pictures of her, and we look like each other, but I want to know more.
I follow Lucy outside to the backyard where there are a bunch of picnic tables set up. There is a small playground that looks like it’s for the kids. Sitting down across from her I can’t hide my anxiousness. “So can you tell me about my mom? Anything and everything you can remember. Do I remind you of her? Do I act like her? Were you guys really close?”
Lucy's eyes widen as a barrage of questions come flying out of my mouth. "Your mom was one of my best friends growing up. We did everything together, and if we looked more alike, people probably would have thought we were twins."
She looks away, and I see the same hurt on her face that I saw on my father's whenever I would ask him these things.
Taking a deep breath, she looks over at me. "You look just like her you know."
I nod, “my dad used to say that it was almost like having her back with him.”
"You know you never did tell me about your family." She offers me a smile, and I can tell that she is trying to change the topic of conversation.
Little does she know that this one isn’t a happy story either. “I loved them so much. My dad was a great dad. He was never mean like some of my friend's parents. He always tried to do whatever he could for us." My words catch in my throat, and I stop talking.
"Hey, you miss them. It's okay and completely normal." She places her hand on mine, but she has no idea. She thinks I miss them because I left.
“They’re dead.”
Her hand freezes, “what?”
“All of them, my dad, my brothers, my sister, my friend Issac that I was set to marry. They’re all dead.” I can’t hold it together anymore as I start sobbing.
Lucy removes her hand and before I know it she's sitting next to me her arms around me. "I'm so sorry Emma. That's terrible. If you want to tell me what happened, you can."
I pull back to look at her, knowing she is someone who may actually understand where I came from. Someone who won’t look at me like the things I talk about are so crazy and out of this world. “Okay,” it’s all I say before my entire life story starts to spill out. It gets harder when I start to talk about the purity house and waking up one day with everyone you’ve ever loved being gone.
When I get done, I actually feel a little lighter. Being able to cry and talk to someone who has been where I have feels good. She's the only family I have right now, and this is the first time I actually felt that connection between us.
"I don't know what I can say to make it any better, in fact, I know there is probably nothing I can say that will help. I want you to know that you do have family. You have me, and you have everyone here. You'll see soon enough that family isn't just the people you're born with it can be the people you choose." She smiles and cocks her head back toward the club. "That right there is the best kind of family to have."
I nod my head. “Everyone has been really nice.”
“Nice huh?” she laughs. “I have a feeling that you and Tank are getting a little closer than anyone else here.” She winks at me.
"I don't know." Everyone is so fresh with their feelings here, and they're so bold in their actions. I can't imagine ever being comfortable like that.
"I can also relate to that feeling. I fell in love with Jordan before I was even sure I knew what love was. I had no idea what to do with my feelings if he felt the same, or what it all meant." She places her hand on my knee. "I know it's hard, but you also need to try to stop the comparison because there is no comparison to the way we grew up and the way everyone else in the world lives."
"I just feel so out of place, and when I'm with Mikey, all I find myself doing is looking at the other girls, and seeing everything in them that I don't have." My voice is quiet as I admit something to her that I hate even admitting to myself.
"Yep, been there too." She turns her body to face me. "Just listen to what he's saying to you, and believe it. The guys here they don't say things they don't mean, and they don't do anything they don't want to. The biggest thing here is trust, you need to trust them, and they need the same from you. It takes a second to break it and forever to rebuild it."
“So you think I could make all of this work?”
She nudges me with her shoulder, "hey if I can there's no reason you can't."
We both start to laugh, and I feel so much closer to her than I did when I walked out here.
I feel hopeful that my life here could be something really good.
