Page 37 of Anarchy
There is a nurse to my side cheering me on.
I look to the other side for Mikey's face, but it isn't him.
"Push my dear, it's time for you to give the world its next prophet."
My eyes spring open, and my heart pounds against the wall of my chest.
I look around and try to slow my breathing.
You’re safe. He isn’t here.
Mikey is still by my bed, his head resting against the chair and his eyes closed.
The board and the marker are by the bed even though I haven’t had the energy to use them. I move my arm to reach for them and while it hurts it’s not unbearable.
Picking up the pen I write, I love you. On it then place it back next to me for when he gets up.
The door opens, and an older man walks in. "Good to see you awake for one of my visits. I'm Doc, I've been taking care of you."
He leans down using the stethoscope to listen to my heart. He shines a light in my eyes and then pulls the blanket back. "You have a lot of lacerations, I have them wrapped, and the healing process has already started. I treated them when I first saw you, so I'm hoping you’ll get minimal scaring for it. Your vocal chords were badly damaged, but I think they already told you that. If you need to talk I would say it needs to start out slow."
I nod in understanding.
“Make sure during this time you lean on someone. Recovery is twenty percent physical and eighty percent mental.” He offers me a kind smile before leaving.
The sound of the closing door causes Mikey to wake up. He looks over at me, and I hold up the board. “I’m so happy that you’re feeling better babe.”
“Sit…up” my voice is almost unrecognizable.
"Don't talk, I don't want you to hurt yourself." He grabs a few pillows. "Put your arms around my neck, and I'll help you sit up."
I lift my arms and try to hide the fact that it hurts like hell. When he lays me back down the pillows are behind me, and I'm sitting up halfway.
“Better?” I nod my head in response to his question. “How do you feel?”
He hands me the board, but I push it away. I want to talk to him. "Doc said…I could talk."
"He was in here? Guess I passed out at some point." His hand rubs his face, and he looks exhausted.
“Why don’t you go get some rest.” I look up to see Lucy standing in the doorway. “I can sit with her, plus I feel like we have a lot of catching up to do.”
Mikey looks over at me, and I nod letting him know it's okay.
He bends down giving me a kiss. “I’ll be back in a little. Love you.”
Lucy sits down next to me. “I can’t believe that…I wanted to tell you…” her hand covers her mouth. “I’m just so sorry.”
"Everyone keeps saying that." I cough, and she passes me a glass of water. The cool sensation in my throat feels amazing. "It was my fault. I left." If I keep taking drinks between each sentence, it's bearable.
“Do you want to know everything?”
“As much as you want to tell me.” Knowing what I went through I don’t want her total about it if she isn’t comfortable.
She starts to talk about how she had reconnected with my mom after she left. How she tried to save her. She tells me that she's got scars on the inside and the outside from what happened to her and that she had actually been pregnant and lost the baby. By the time they figured out my mom was behind it, Lucy was blinded by anger and a need for revenge. "To this day a part of me wishes I knew she had you before I did that. I wish I had taken the time to think about my actions."
It makes me think about Lizzie. Did she know what was going to happen to me? Was it their plan all along? “Do you know what happened to the girl who took me there in the car?”
“From what I understand think that the both of them are gone.” Lucy places her hand on mine. “I am someone who has been where you were. I get it. You are going to go through a ton of different emotions. Just know that you can’t blame yourself for any of this. Everyone is held accountable for their own actions.”
“If I hadn’t left…”
"No." She scoots closer. "That's what I mean. You will have nightmares. You will have scars in many different ways. If you let them control you, then you're letting the bastards that hurt you win."
I know that she’s right.
The problem is knowing it and feeling it are two entirely different things.
