Page 24 of Reckless
Chapter Twelve
Carly
A knock sounds at my door, and I pray it isn't Jax. It took everything I had in me to walk away from him last night. As much as I wouldn't admit it to him right now, I do love him.
I loved him when we were kids, but I never thought he saw me as more than a little sister. I didn't want to admit it, but my heart was his when he first touched me on his birthday. After his admission the other day, I let my mind wonder about what a life with him would have been like only to have it ripped away from me. I cried myself to sleep when I got home, and now today I can't focus on anything but thoughts of him. I need to find a job now that I'm going to distance myself from anything that has to do with the club.
I look through the peephole to see Brick standing there. Things started going to shit once he pulled me into his room. I open the door stepping back without saying a word. As I close the door, I'm taken back to that day.
He opens the door to his room. “Been hoping you’d go against Wrench and come here alone.”
I bite my lip as a knot forms in my stomach. This was initially what I signed up for. Being free, having the chance to experience different men with no strings attached. That all changed once I realized Jax was one of those men. When he told me that he'd wanted me all those years ago.
"So before anything happens the most important thing you need to know is that no one is told what goes on in here. Not Jess, not Wrench, no one. You got it?" I nod, not trusting my voice. "You and I have a lot in common, Carly." He sits on the bed, but my feet are stuck. "Shit, stop looking at me like I'm gonna force myself on you, that's not what this is. I'm not that kind of guy."
My eyebrows draw in confusion. “Then why did you bring me back here?”
"Because I needed someone to talk to." He pats a space on the bed beside him, and I don't feel as uncomfortable anymore.
I walk over and have a seat, still not completely okay with the situation because I barely know Brick aside from hearing Jess talk about him all the time. “What’s up?”
He takes a deep breath. "I'm in love with Jess." I look at him shocked because I didn't think that was what would be coming out of this at all. "Originally I just hooked up with her because she was gorgeous and she was one of our girls. After that first day though I haven't wanted to look at, much less touch another girl. I don't know what to do. I haven't even told her how I feel because of what you and Wrench are going through. I make sure I'm around whenever I know she's coming so I can keep the other guys away from her."
"’Cause you don't want to flip out when one of them disappears with her?" I think about Wrench and hope that this doesn't get back to him, especially since brick just told me I can't say what happens in here.
"Exactly." His hand scrubs his face, and I can see how torn he is feeling.
“Why don’t you talk to Wrench about it? I’m sure he’d probably be a better ear than me considering I have no idea what I’m doing.” I’ve been in this life for only a short time, and most days I think I’m crazy for sticking around.
"Because he's on this whole tirade and constantly clashing with Pres about this issue. I'm not trying to have him drag me into that shit. Especially since no one even knows that I'm in the same boat. As chicken shit as it sounds, I'd rather see how it plays out for him before I put myself in that position too."
I nod, totally understanding where he’s coming from. He doesn’t want to fight a battle that is already being lost.
We talked for a while about how much it sucks and even had a few laughs. I felt so guilty once Jax asked me about what happened because I knew the assumption he was making and honestly it was a fair one and would have probably been an accurate one had it been any other brother than one who was in love with my best friend.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I say, sitting on the couch and nodding toward the love seat.
Brick takes a seat and then looks over at me. “Just wanted to come by and check on you. I heard that things went south pretty quick for you guys last night.”
I scoff, “That’s the understatement of the year.” Looking at him I can see he has no idea how to respond to me. “I walked away. I can’t be in that life with him constantly needing to play hot and cold. Having him disrespect me isn’t something I can deal with while I love him.” I freeze realizing what I just said to Brick.
“There a reason you haven’t said that to him?”
"What, that I love him?" He nods. "I can't, not when I know we can't be together. If I keep it to myself at least I'm not giving him all of me. He already took enough to make me miss him constantly and hate myself for ending things. I can't say that to him knowing how my life with him would be. How did you know I haven't said it to him? I thought you guys weren't talking because of this whole thing."
Sadness fills his face. "We aren't, which really fucking sucks because him and I have been at this together since day one. I heard him talking to Torch about it today. He also tried to go to Pres again, but it didn't make a difference."
“I think you should tell Jess how you feel about her.” I know she’d feel the same. Brick is all that girl ever talks about.
“Everything that’s happened with Wrench and the stuff you just said to me are the reasons I can’t.” He shakes his head. “I want nothing more than to let her know how I feel, put a jacket on her, my patch on her skin, but I’ll never be able to do that. so telling her will only hurt the both of us.”
The door opens, and Jess walks in stopping immediately in her tracks when she sees Brick on the couch. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
He stands up quickly. “Just needed to deliver a message to Carly from Wrench.” He walks over to her. “You coming to the club tonight?”
“Of course.” She smiles at him and I swear it’s like I can see the love in her eyes. “I’ll be there with bells on.”
“Okay, maybe I’ll see you.” He gives me a nod, and his eyes almost beg me to keep my mouth shut, then he’s gone.
"Girl you could have at least sent me a warning text so that I could have thrown on some makeup in the car." She blows out a breath. "That man does things to me without even touching me. How you doing?"
I get up, walk into the kitchen, and grab my pint of cookie dough ice cream that I started digging into last night. “This answer your question?”
"Sorry chica. Tell you what, I have the day off tomorrow, and we are going to have a girl’s day." I try to protest, but before I can even get a word out, she shuts me down. "Nope. End of story. Me, you, lunch, day drinking, and main/pedis."
She walks away, and I just laugh.
Even when I don't want it, the girl knows exactly what I need.
