Page 32 of Breaking Free (Guarded Hearts)
“No, you want this story then sit down and listen.”
I sit and wait.
He paces back and forth in front of me. “Fuck!” He screams and I jump at the power behind his voice. “Sarah was sixteen, beautiful inside and out, she was fucking perfect. We had been friends since we were in Kindergarten, but in our junior year of high school it became something more.” He takes a deep breath, almost as if it’s painful to go on. “That’s when I started to notice the bruises. I always asked her about them, but she would give me some bullshit excuse, and then she would shut down. Her mom died at an early age so it was just her and her dad. A week before we were going to leave for college, things started to get worse. I begged her to let me tell someone but she refused. I was a scrawny little shit back then and I knew I had absolutely no shot in defending her from her dad.”
He stops talking but I don’t say anything. “He was an ex-Marine, and apparently he was suffering from severe PTSD. He was schizophrenic and half of the time he didn’t even know what he was doing. The day we were supposed to leave, she never showed up. She was never even a minute late for anything so I knew something was fucking wrong. I went over to her house and I found them. Her dad shot her and then killed himself. The police found a note from her father saying that he couldn’t live without her, so he took her with him. I should have been there for her. Iknewthat shit was going on and if I would have said something to someone she would still fucking be here.”
I can’t let him sit here and blame himself for this. “Drew, you just—”
“I know what you’re going to say already! I was just a kid. Everyone has regrets. The difference is, my regret cost the best person I have ever fucking met herlife! That’s the big secret! You happy now,James?” He says my name with such contempt that I flinch. “This what you wanted to hear? This is why I control everything in my life, so that nothing is out of my hands again. No more fucking regrets.” He sits down, obviously worn out from his admission.
I sit there in silence, not knowing how to respond, so I say what I’m thinking. “Drew, I don’t know what to say to you. I just think that—”
“No. The only thing I want to hear now is your secret. You dragged mine the fuck out of me, now it’s your turn.”
He’s being so cruel, unlike I have ever seen him before. “A few months ago I was attacked. Someone pretended to like me online, and when we met up, he kidnapped me. I don’t remember a lot of it because I was in and out of consciousness. He had me for a few hours, and I really don’t want to get into all of the gory details. Luckily, I wasn’t hurt too badly, and Carter found me in the trunk of his car before it was too late.”
I take a deep breath and ready myself to tell him what no one else in the world knows. “Ever since then, I can’t stand to be touched.” His head shoots up and he looks me in the eyes. “It hurts, almost like a knife, except with you. As soon as anyone else touches me, it’s immediate pain—my brother, my best friends, even my family. I can’t stand to have any type of contact with them whatsoever. I thought until the day that I met you that was how it would always be, and that I was destined to be alone. I don’t know why, and I can’t explain it, but you’re theonlyperson who can touch me without it hurting.”
Last confession and then I can be done. “I also have nightmares of him, and of that night, but you keep those away, too. Usually, it’s stuff that never really happened but it’salwayswith him. I wake up screaming half of the time, but when I’m with you all of that disappears. I told you I was a handful and a lot to deal with when we first met. This is why. Those aremydemons.”
His eyes darken and the expression on his face scares me. “What happened to him?”
“He, um…he died.”
I thought that would calm him but it doesn’t. He stands up and hurls a glass vase at the wall, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. “This is the type of shit I wanted to avoid! This is why I didn’t want to fucking get involved with anyone. You took away the thing that I need. I have no control over this shit and I can’t deal with it. I can’t deal with knowing that everyone around you causes you pain. I can’t deal knowing that fucker still haunts you and there isnothingI can do about it.” He walks out of the room and I follow him.
“Where are you going?” I know I sound desperate, but the truth is that I am.
“I’m going out. Alone. I’ll be home late. If you want to stay you can.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” I yell at him but he doesn’t turn my way. He just keeps walking. “Drew!”
“That means if you want to stay, you can. If you don’t, then fucking leave.” He slams the door shut behind him and I sink to the floor.
I knew no one could deal with my shit.
I just lost him.
I didn’t even get the chance to tell him that I love him.
I don’t know how long I sit there. My eyes hurt from crying so much and my entire body is shaking. I can’t believe this is happening. The intensity of Drew’s story, plus his reaction to mine, has left me gutted. I can’t cry anymore because there isn’t anything left. I dial Drew’s number but it goes straight to voicemail. When I look at the time on my phone it’s seven forty-five. His show is about to start soon.
I can’t believe he just walked out on me. I head into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Something on the end table in the living room catches my eye, though. It’s my backstage pass for tonight. I know I shouldn’t follow him, and I know he said he wanted space, but I just want to see him. He doesn’t even need to know I’m there.
I call a cab and thankfully it gets here pretty quickly. I’m at the venue a few minutes before nine o’clock. When I walk in the front doors, the attendants give me a funny look. I know I can go through the back entrance because technically the pass is for backstage, but I want to watch Drew without him knowing I’m here.
I make my way toward the pit area, figuring I can blend in with the fans. The band is on stage and they are all so amazing, but I can’t take my eyes off of Drew. He is everything a lead singer should be—enigmatic, talented, and gorgeous. The screams are so loud that it’s deafening. A familiar song starts to play and I recognize it from the first time that I met him. It’s the one that we sang on stage together.
Drew walks toward the edge of the stage and the screams resume. “Alright now. Usually we pick one of you sexy ladies out of the crowd to help us with the next song, but tonight we have a special guest!”Who is he talking about? Did he spot me?“Leslie Chaucer, your favorite reality TV star, is here and she wants to come out here with us!”
The crowd starts to scream. Leslie Chaucer? She’s famous for being the sluttiest bitch on TV. She did one of those reality shows where a bunch of strangers live together and basically had a different guy in her bed every night. My stomach drops and I feel like I’m going to be sick as I watch her walk out. She’s wearing a red halter dress that barely covers her titsorher ass.
Halfway through the song, I can’t even move. She has been all over Drew and he hasn’t done anything to stop her. That’s when his eyes find me in the crowd. I guess it’s easy to spot the one person not moving in a sea of people swaying and singing along. He chuckles and then goes back to his cat and mouse game with Leslie. The song ends and Drew exits the stage.
Oh, hell no.He better not think that he’s getting away with this. I storm backstage, and after opening a million wrong doors, I find him in his dressing room. Thankfully, he’s alone.
“What are you doing here?” He won’t even look at me.
