Page 17 of Chaos (Deathstalkers MC)
I do.
Every inch of me feels like it’s calling for him.
I just need to get myself to shut the hell up.
Chapter Eleven
Tracie
Tonight I decide to go surprise Randy. My attraction and pull toward Torch has been getting more intense and I’m hoping if I get closer to Randy it might go away. I know that I’m being stupid and that using him this way is wrong. I need things with Randy to work, because if it doesn’t, I swear it’s almost like a sign that I’m not meant to have a normal relationship.
The past few days Torch has kept his promise and hasn’t left my side. The problem with that is that he hasn’t left my side. He is there every time I turn around and my resolve to push him away is weakening.
I almost let him kiss me again the other day at the bar.
Standing on my tiptoes, I lift the crate up to slide it onto the top shelf. When it teeters and I start to lose my grip, I brace myself to get knocked over the head with a crate full of bottles when the crate is lifted up and put on the shelf.
I turn to see Torch standing behind me. “You really need to start asking for help, princess.”
“You need to know when to take a hint, and go away.” I try to move past him but he steps in front of me.
Taking a couple steps toward me I take a few in retreat until he presses me against the shelf. “What kind of hints should I be taking? The way your face turns red when I say something dirty to you? The way your body seems to relax when you get out of your car and see me walking behind you? The goose bumps that cover your skin every time I get close to you?” My insides clench at his proximity and knowing that what he is saying is true. I’m in a constant state of need around him. His face comes closer. “How about the fact that I know your panties are wet and all I can fucking think about is burying my face in between your legs.”
Holy shit.
My heart is pounding as I’m holding his gaze.
He inches closer again.
I don’t move.
I don’t want to. I want him to kiss me.
Thank God, at that moment, one of the bartenders walked into the stock room breaking the spell he had on me. He can see my wall crumbling down more every day and I know by his cocky smile that he is taking pleasure in his small victories.
I take a look at myself in the mirror knowing that tonight I want to take the next step with Randy. I’m breaking out the red dress I rarely wear because of how much of a pain in the ass it is to get on. It hugs my body so tight that I swear it’s made by Spanx. Hopefully he’s an animal in the bedroom and I can forget about how dull he is in every other room. I roll my eyes, highly doubting that possibility. It’s not lost on me that I’m basically sabotaging myself. I’m going into a date knowing I have no interest in the guy, but with the intention to try and use sex to make it better. I swear to God I sound like a blurb on a self-help book.
As I walk out of my room and into the common room all the conversation halts. I can feel every brother’s eyes on me. I walk straight through and out to the parking lot. For a minute, I don’t hear the tell-tale footsteps behind me. After a minute, I still don’t hear footsteps, I hear pounding. Each step sounds as loud as my heart beating in my own ears. I want to turn around, to see the look on his face, to see how I’ve affected him. I don’t though, mainly because I don't trust my own face.
Getting into the car is no easy task for a couple reasons:
1) My car is low.
2) Bending in this dress is almost impossible.
3) My legs are shaking from the heated gaze coming from Torch.
I finally get into the car, breathing a sigh of relief and exhaustion. I pull away and head toward Randy’s house hoping that he’s even half as affected by me as Torch is.
Randy lives about twenty minutes outside of town. His house is the kind that you would expect to see in a magazine. A three story white family house, white picket fence and all. Everything I’m sure no one would expect me to want. I put the car in park trying to gain the courage to do this. I haven’t had sex a lot, but this is different. This is loaded with hope for a normal life.
Hope that I can make myself want normal.
Hope that the entire time I don’t think of Torch.
I walk up to the door daring a quick glance back at the end of the driveway. Torch is standing there, his arms crossed over his chest, and his gaze fixed on me.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
