Page 5 of Wifey
I knew what it was back then –shut up about what I’m doing and I’ll take care of you.Cameron is doing the same thing now with the coffee shops, but something is different. This is beyond me looking the other way.
The real question is – do I really want to know any of it?
“I know, I know. Tay, I promise you I won’t put you in harm’s way again.” His voice comes out like a cross between a moan and a low growl. It’s already making me weak. “I was afraid those men were going to harm you. I was protecting you.”
I can’t deny that. I still pushed him away and I’m wondering if that was real foolish of me. “Why me?” The word came out angry and like a staccato note. “Why?”
There was a long pause on the other end. “Because…” Cameron found his resolve. “…I love you. I want you here with me, Tay. I want to see where this goes.”
“Cameron, we’re both a little too old to be playing ‘Meet me by the lockers after third period.’” I countered. “Besides, how do I know you’re not going to be playing Shoot Em Up Movies.” I can’t believe I used one of my favorite songs to describe our relationship. I’m really sprung over this white boy.
“I’m sorry,” he pushed out, “I just…I’m sorry.”
“You want me to pack up my life and you’re sounding pretty selfish I can just do it at the top of a hat.” I let out a sigh. “You want me to just drop by your home like some package?”
“And what do you know?” He turned on music and let it softly playing in the background. “I sure do love gifts.”
“And I—” I felt my heart drop down to my stomach. I was blindsided by his admission. I knew he loved me. For that reason, it was why I was hesitant to go any further in a relationship with him.
“Is that…” I was at a loss of words on what I wanted to say. I’d spoken about that particular song over a course of a day, raving about how it was one of the most romantic songs I’d ever heard. Now he was playing it for me. “…is that…”
“If I Should Die Tonight?” His deep voice replied. “It is.”
“Cameron…” His name came out like a whisper and I felt his smile. He didn’t have me quite yet, but he was getting closer. I closed my eyes as I listened to Marvin Gaye’s soothing voice cover my senses. Cameron knew how to work me.
I listened to Marvin Gaye serenade and wondered what kind of spell Cameron had put me under. Was I really contemplating life choices at that moment? I could’ve sworn I hated him just a few hours ago.
No, I didn’t hate him. I wished I did because hate wouldn’t have had picked up the phone and entertain him. I wished I was apathetic and simply didn’t care. Apathy wouldn’t have me stayed on the phone listening to one of my favorite songs.
In reality, I cared. I cared too much and probably more than was a healthy amount. Obsessed? Not quite, but I could sense I was creeping towards that. What was he doing? Who was he with? What about his siblings?
I groaned at my stupidity; Cameron wasn’t my boyfriend and I wasn’t entirely sure if he was even my friend. Yet, my feelings betrayed any logic my brain might have had. If I were really upset with him, I would’ve blocked Cameron from any form of communication. No IG. No phone calls.
He was a class act so he wouldn’t have gone to the blogs or anyone else about what you did. Yet, I felt blocking Cameron was too extreme.
It was clear to both of us there was something going on between. He wouldn’t have called that late just to talk and play a favorite song if he were truly bored. Maybe he was truly apologetic about everything.
I knew what the dope game was like. Drop-offs, addiction, and wealth were common. The occasional threat and murder were obvious side effects. Cameron simply got caught up in the game and played it, at least that’s the lie I keep telling myself.
I would concern herself with that later. The song ended and there was an uncomfortable silence between us. Was I supposed to speak first? Did he want to say something? What was going to happen now?
“Are you still there, angel?”
Angel.He didn’t call me that often.
I steeled myself straight. We were just talking and that was it. The song was over and I opened my eyes to a dark room. It was reality, not a dream or some twisted fantasy. He was talking to me, feeling me out.
Then what?
I cleared my throat and sighed. How can some drug lord affect my psyche the way he did? It was more than lust, I could admit that. Love? More than I wanted to admit. The feelings, however, were stronger than I’d ever felt.
I know Cameron didn’t have a girlfriend and I spent more time obsessing over his IG page than I felt comfortable admitting. Even when he was tagged in other photos, I had to calm down my jealousy. He wasn’t my man. He could spend time with any woman he pleased.
The platonic line clearly dissolved a long time ago. If only he’d seen how much I’d blushed when he played the song for me.
“I’m still here, baby.” My voice was whispery. “Just thinking.”
“About?” He cautiously asked.
