Page 93 of Certified Pressure 3
Zy’Lani stood behind me, fixing the straps on my dress. “You nervous?”
“Not at all,” I lied smoothly. “I’m ready.”
The truth was, I felt everything at once—excited, nervous, anxious, proud and…hurt.
My mother wasn’t here, and even though I said I didn’t care, deep down, I did. I wanted her to see me like this, and see thewoman I’d become. But she had made her decision. But she had made her decision. She never got over the fact that I stood up to her that day and told her about herself. After she threw that wine in my face and put ms out, I realized we would never be the same again. She couldn’t stand the fact that I finally saw her for who she really was.
At least my daddy showed up, though. He was the one who always supported me, no matter what. He told me earlier he was proud to walk me down the aisle, and that meant more to me than anything.
What hurt next was realizing Abeni hadn’t come to the dressing room to see about me. I knew she was in the building because her people were moving around making sure everything was perfect, but she hadn’t checked on me. I tried not to take it personal, but I couldn’t help it. I was about to become her daughter-in-law, and she was treating me like I was the worst problem in her life. I told myself it was fine because once I became Mrs. Mensah, she would have no choice but to respect me.
“Girl, your skin glowing,” Journi said, snapping a quick picture. “The blogs gon’ go crazy.”
“Let them,” I said, smiling. “They been talking since day one. I might as well give them something real to talk about.”
Everyone laughed, and I felt that wave of pride rise in me. This was my moment. After today, I would be Mrs. Kashmere Mensah. I had finally made it to the top.
Still, part of my mind wandered to Pluto. I hadn’t seen her in months, but I knew she was now living in Trill-Land, pregnant and quiet. I tried not to think about her or that baby, but every now and then, it hit me that the man I was marrying already had a family on the way. I told myself that it didn’t matter. Once we were married, things would be handled differently. His babywould be my stepchild, and I’d make sure it got what it needed, but Pluto wouldn’t be able to use that baby to control anything.
Toni turned toward me and grinned. “He not ready for you, Kash. He gon’ lose his mind when he see you.”
I smiled. “He better. I’m tired of being patient.”
Toni laughed. “You finally about to get everything you wanted.”
“I know,” I said softly. “And when that ring hit my finger, can’t nobody tell me nothing.”
Zy’Lani walked over and handed me my bouquet of white roses mixed with lilacs and soft gold petals, wrapped in satin. It looked like money. I held it and stared at myself again in the mirror. I looked perfect, but I still felt that little ache inside that came from wanting something so bad you forget how to breathe.
A moment later, Marli came back from the hallway. “They just said it’s about thirty minutes till start,” she said.
My heart skipped a beat. Twenty minutes…That was it.
“Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath and straightening my posture. “Everything’s good. Let’s just chill till they come for us.”
Toni grinned. “You ready to be Mrs. Mensah?”
“I been ready,” I said with a confident smile. “Now it’s time for the world to see it.”
Everyone cheered and clapped around me, and for a moment, the room filled with nothing but laughter and excitement. I looked back at my reflection and smiled, running my hands down the front of my gown. I told myself this was the beginning of everything I’d ever wanted, even if a small voice in the back of my head whispered that nothing about this was going to be simple.
Royal Oaks Subdivision in Trill-Land
Ilaid in bed, crying and wanting to kick my own ass for letting Pressure get married today. I had told myself that I was done, that I wasn’t about to be the one chasing behind a man who was about to say vows to somebody else, but when he came over last night and made love to me, everything changed.
My pillow was soaked, and I didn’t even care anymore. I just laid here trying to breathe through the heaviness in my heart. Every time I blinked, I saw Kashmere in my head. I could see her in some long, sparkly white gown with her hair laid, and smiling like she just won the lottery. I could picture his family there, all dressed up and clapping, like they didn’t even know I existed,and I wasn’t sitting here pregnant with his child, trying not to fall apart.
The worst part was I couldn’t even be mad at nobody but myself. I let this happen. I let Pressure crawl back into my bed last night, knowing damn well what today was. I told myself I was strong enough to handle it and that I could separate the feelings from the moment, but that was a lie. The minute he touched me, all that anger disappeared, and it felt like I was right back where I didn’t want to be.
I covered my face with my hands and let out a shaky sigh. I wanted to scream. I wanted to stop loving him, but every time I tried, it was like my heart had a mind of its own.
I rolled over and placed my hand on my stomach, feeling the little kicks that reminded me I wasn’t alone. My baby boy was the only thing keeping me from completely losing it. I rubbed my stomach slowly and whispered, “We gon’ be fine.”
Still, the thought of Pressure saying “I do” to somebody else made my stomach twist. I didn’t even know what time the wedding started, and that made it worse. For all I knew, he could be standing at the altar right now, smiling, while I was here falling apart.
I thought about how all this started, with me and Kashmere walking into his house together, both acting like we were cool with the situation, promising we wouldn’t let it come between us. That shit was a joke. We lied to ourselves thinking we were stronger than our emotions. Now look at us. She’s marrying him, and I’m sitting here crying, pregnant and alone.
My body felt hot all of a sudden. I tossed the covers off and sat up slowly, wiping my face. My heart ached and my back hurt. I figured maybe I was just tense from crying so much. I tried to calm myself down, breathing slow, but that ache in my back started to spread around to my stomach.
