Page 80 of Certified Pressure 3
I gripped the steering wheel hard, my jaw clenched. I kept askin’ myself if I was the reason.
I could see the flashin’ red from the ambulance ahead bouncin’ off the glass buildings as we sped toward the hospital. The city looked blurry from how fast we was goin’.
All I could think about was how close I might come to losin’ Kash. No matter what we was goin’ through, I never wanted it to end like this.
When the ambulance turned into the emergency entrance, I followed, pullin’ in right behind them. I parked crooked, and jumped out, watchin’ as they wheeled her inside.
The doors shut behind us, and I just stood there, feelin’ numb. The sound of the siren still echoed in my ears even though it had stopped.
Right now,, I didn’t have a plan, and I didn’t have words. All I had was the image of Kashmere’s body goin’ limp in my arms and a mind full of questions that I couldn’t answer.
Trill-Land Royal Care Hospital
Idon’t know how long I had been out but when I finally came to, everything around me was white and quiet. The soft beep of a heart monitor filled the room, and the sharp scent of hospital sanitizer burned my nose. My throat felt dry, and my lips were cracked. I blinked a few times, my vision blurry, until it started to clear and I could make out the faint outline of someone sitting beside me.
It was Pressure.
He was sitting in a chair pulled close to my bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging low like he’d been sitting there for hours. His eyes looked tired and heavywhen he finally lifted them toward me. There was something in his face that made my stomach twist. He looked hurt and disappointed, like he didn’t even know what to say.
For a second, I thought I was dreaming, but the soreness in my body reminded me this was real. I tried to move my hand, and that’s when I saw the IV taped to my arm. My head was pounding, and I could feel how weak I was.
Pressure sighed, long and deep, rubbing his hand over his face. “Why, Kash?” he asked finally, his voice low and rough. “Why you do some shit like this?”
I swallowed hard, turning my face away from him. I didn’t even know what to say. The last thing I remembered was sitting in that bathroom, crying and feeling like my whole world was falling apart. Between the fight with my mama, the humiliation at the clinic, and how distant Pressure had been, I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. My voice cracked, barely coming out. “I just… I felt like everything was too much.”
He leaned back in the chair, shaking his head slowly. “You scared the fuck outta me, Kash,” he said. “I came home ready to talk, and you was just… laid out.”
The weight in his words hit me hard. My eyes stung, but I blinked fast, not wanting to cry in front of him again.
“I didn’t mean for it to go that far,” I said, trying to make him understand. “I just wanted everything to stop for a minute. Everything been so loud. My mama driving me crazy, you barely talking to me, your mama treating me like I don’t even exist, and now I find out I’m not even pregnant. I just—” My voice broke, and I turned away again. “I couldn’t take it.”
Pressure didn’t say nothing at first. He just sat there, breathing slow, like he was trying not to lose it. Then he finally spoke. “You lucky I came in when I did,” he said. “The doctor said if I would’ve been any later, you wouldn’t be here.”
I closed my eyes, fresh tears slipping out. “I didn’t think nobody would care,” I whispered.
Pressure’s voice softened. “Don’t say that shit, Kash. You know I care.”
But even as he said it, I could hear the distance in his tone. He cared, but not in the way I wanted him to. He wasn’t angry anymore; he just sounded tired like he was tired of me and tired of all of this shit.
A nurse came in not long after, checking the monitor and adjusting my IV. She smiled faintly at me. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”
“I’m okay,” I said weakly, even though that was a lie.
Pressure looked at the nurse. “She gon’ be alright?”
The nurse nodded. “She’s stable. We had to pump her stomach when she came in, and we’ve been monitoring her vitals since. Her labs came back fine, and she’s responding well. We’re gonna keep her for a few more hours for observation, but if she continues to do well, she’ll be able to go home tonight. We’ve already arranged for her to follow up with one of our counselors.”
Pressure nodded, but his expression didn’t change. The nurse gave me a few more words of comfort before leaving us alone again.
I stared up at the ceiling, my body feeling heavy but my mind running wild. I didn’t even know what I wanted anymore. I just knew I couldn’t lose Pressure. But deep down, I could feel him slipping away from me, little by little.
“I’m sorry,” I said finally. “I know I scared you.”
He sighed again and leaned forward. “Kash, I ain’t gon’ lie, I don’t even know what to say right now. You been under a lot, I get it, but you can’t be doin’ no shit like this. You hear me? You too smart for that.”
I nodded slowly, tears blurring my vision again. “I just didn’t know what else to do. I feel like I’m losing everything. I feel like I’m losing you.”
