Page 33 of Fallen Cowboy
I kneeled before her, looking up at her but she only turned her head.
“Honey,” I told her, touching her knee.But she shoved my hand away.
“I hate yous,” she whispered, and my heart broke in two.
I deserved that.
“Can we talk?”
“No talk to yous,” she muttered, pushing me away so she could leave the swing. I followed her to the slide, making sure she climbed on okay. It wasn’t high up, but I knew well enough she was accident prone, and I didn’t need more bruises to appear.
“MaryBeth,” I started, turning her to look at me but the tears streaming down her face now caught my chest.“MaryBeth,” I tried again, brushing her hair away as I tried to wipe up her tears.“What is it?”
“Why doesn’t anyone wants me?Why does a daddy not stay?What’s wrongs wifs mes?”
Forget what I said just moments before, this had my heart straight out shattering.
“Oh, honey, that’s not true.There is nothing wrong with you.You are the cutest, sweetest, funniest little girl I know.I adore you.”
“Nos you don’t.You wants to leave.Mommy said so.”
“No, sweetheart, I don’t want to leave.Mommy gave me news that surprised me, and I had a horrible reaction.But I don’t want to lose you.I want to be part of your life.”
“I no trust yous anymore.”
I deserved that comment too.Because, frankly, I wasn’t sure I trusted myself.
“I know you don’t, and it’s fair, MaryBeth.You don’t have to trust me.I broke that trust, I broke your heart.I didn’t mean to.”
“I likes you.You mafe mommy happy.She cried when came in.”
I closed my eyes, knowing that Markus was waiting for this moment.I did the one thing he asked me not to do.Not to hurt these ladies, and what did my dumbass do?
I hurt them.
They were crying because of me.
They were hurting because I was dumb.
They were now not trusting because my mouth couldn’t keep shut while I processed what I needed to.
This was on my head, and I could own up to it.There was no sense in denying it.
“Can I make it up to you, MaryBeth?”
“No.I wants to go backs home,” she muttered, not even bothering to look at me.
She didn’t need to. Her eyes, the ones that were so full of expression, of joy, of happiness, were now filled with such sorrow and pain. A pain that a four-year-old shouldn’t have to feel. A pain that I probably only added to because she didn’t have a dad.
“Let me help you down.” I easily lifted her and while I wanted to hold her close; to kiss away this pain, she wouldn’t let me. There weren’t words right now for her to hear, and I couldn’t blame her.
Once I sat her down, she ran past her uncle, who stood by the play area, arms crossed, and a murderous expression on his face.
“Hell,” I cursed, shaking my head.
Nothing about this was going to be pretty.
“You had to do it, didn’t you?”
