Page 31 of Fallen Cowboy
I turned to walk out of her stall, surprised to see Anelise at the barn entrance. I slowly walked over, taking in her haggard appearance and knew something was wrong.
She looked alive, but not well. Like she was sick.
“You shouldn’t be up, Cowgirl,” I told her, snaking my arm around her waist and leading her to a swing on the backside of her house.
“I know, but I needed to talk to you, Troy.”
“What’s wrong?” I told her, sitting down next to her. She was scaring me.
Her posture was rigged, as if she was struggling to stay upright but some strange force was also pushing in on her. Something was going on and the feeling that I got when a bull was shifting,was going to do something I wasn’t ready for, was rolling in my gut now.
“Anelise, talk to me. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.”
“I don’t know about that, Troy.” She took a breath then turned to face me, her eyes searching mine. Finally, she let out a whoosh of air and then spewed forth the words I never thought I would hear. At least not this damn early in my life. “I’m pregnant.”
I just blinked at her, the words not registering at all.
“Troy?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you hear?”
“I heard,” I muttered, still staring at her but not seeing her.
This couldn’t be happening. From what, just a few times? One time?
Fuck, how many times did we have sex without protection?
I recalled the first time, not sure how I didn’t think to stop and wrap it up, but I didn’t. Was this from that?
“What do you think? I mean, your silence is kind of scaring me, Troy.”
“I don’t know what to think, actually.”
“What do you mean? You think I’m lying? That it’s not yours?”
“No to either of that. That’s not it.”
I stood up, slowly pacing as I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to be a dad,” I blurted out. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that but now that the words came out, it was true.
I wanted to be a father, sure, but years from now.
I was just enjoying the start of retirement. Or I could even go back if I got bored enough. But if I had a kid, one that was mine, one that I was forced to take care of, everything I wanted to do wasn’t going to happen.
“You don’t know if you’re ready? What about MaryBeth? You were just getting close to her for what, so you could what, dump her when you want, when you saw fit?”
“No, not at all.”
She stood up, stalked over to me, and shoved me, the anger rolling off of her in waves.
“You fucked me, you started this path, you chose this, and now you’re telling me you don’t know if it’s the path you want?”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want you, Anelise. Don’t twist my words.”
