Page 22 of Fallen Cowboy
“You don’t need to explain it, Cowgirl.”
“But I want to.”
“Anelise, listen to me. I’m not Buck. I don’t share his thoughts. He was always wanting the next fling, the loose women, basically anywhere he could stick his dick. Now, I understand, I had my share of women on the road. It’s rather hard not to.”
I didn’t mean to make her flinch. But I wasn’t about to hide the past. I didn’t have a woman in every town, but I damn near was close to it.
But that didn’t mean it was what I wanted or what I saw in my future. That’s what people didn’t get. For the time, it was just an end to a means, nothing more.
“But?” she whispered, unconsciously leaning back against me.
She was trusting me to keep her safe. Trusting me not to hurt her. Trusting me not to walk out. And I so badly wanted to keep that trust.
Was it love?
No, not there. But it was wanting more. Wanting her. And yes, wanting MaryBeth. She didn’t need a full stepdad, not that I was looking at this that way.
“But it wasn’t the beat all. I didn’t need to have a woman, Anelise. I chose to have one. But I didn’t need someone in my bed to keep me happy. I knew, someday, I’d settle down, I’d want a wife. And hopefully a family.”
“So, you’re not opposed to it?”
“No, I don’t think I am.”
I could feel her ease slightly against my body, as if it were the words she needed to hear.
“Thank you.”
“There’s no need for that, Cowgirl. I’m not perfect, I’m going to have my downfalls, I know that. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t know a good thing when I see it.”
“Are you sure you won’t tire of this town again?”
I wanted to say I was here for good. But I also knew my restless soul. I mean, sure, this was always going to be where I came back, but was I fully ready to live here? Permanently?
I could never go back to the circuit, I knew that. I’m not even sure I wanted to.
I sighed as I took my hat off her head and then rested my chin there, breathing in the scent of nature, and of her. It was a delicious smell; one I knew I’d always enjoy.
“I like to think I am here for good. Can you put up with me for that long?”
She finally turned around and looked up at me, her eyes searching my face, for what, I wasn’t sure. I tried to be as honest and open as I could with her, not wanting to hide anything.
I’m sure Markus loved that idea too. No doubt if he really could, he’d keep me away.
But I wanted to make this woman happy. It wasn’t my fault that she knocked me over sideways out of my chair and then clouded every waking thought.
She nodded, as if finding whatever answer she was seeking and then wrapped her arms around my waist, her head resting against my chest.
“Let me make it up to you,” she whispered. I kissed the top of her head as my arms encircled her body.
“How many times am I going to have to tell you to stop? You have nothing to make up for.”
“Troy,” she grumbled, and I couldn’t help but grin. “I do owe you. You were great with my daughter today, and you didn’t back down from Buck. I shouldn’t have been so off the path like I was.”
“Fine. What did you have in mind?”
“Let me take you on a date night. Something I’ve always wanted to do. And,” she started, twisting her lip.
“And what?” I coached.
