Page 78 of The Estate
“When that all happened, it’s like you put on battle armor, or insulated yourself from everything,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I’m not sure how to explain it.” she lifted her hands upward. “We were in survival mode, and you carried all that responsibility and did all the heavy lifting. I can only imagine how hard it was for you. And I’m so sorry for all of it.”
A harsh breath escaped her lips. “But we’re not in survival mode anymore. Andyou’re still insulating yourself. While you’re better about letting a few friends get close, you still keep mostpeople at arm’s length, a pattern I’ve observed repeatedly. You don’t commit with your whole self. You’re looking for warning signs, a reason to leave.
“Are you afraid to put your trust in the wrong person? Are you afraid they’ll turn out to be a monster? Or is it that when you finally do give a part of yourself that they’ll leave?"
Rachel searched for words to say. She disagreed with so much of what Jess was saying, but a tiny voice inside said that maybe her sister was right. She knew she’d changed. How could she not?
But could Jess be right? Was she afraid to trust people after watching what had happened to her sister? Was she scared of letting people close because they would leave her like Jess? Like her parents?
She wanted to tell Jess she was wrong, but the words wouldn’t come. Her throat was too tight, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
Jess took a step forward, her eyes full of tears, “Rachel, it wasn’t your responsibility to rescue me from Chris. It wasn’t your responsibility. Shit happens and things go sideways.
“I worked really hard to move past what happened with him, and I wish you would do the same. That doesn’t mean we do stupid things or don’t watch out for ourselves. It means we’re smart but lead with an open heart.”
Rachel couldn’t even believe it was Jess standing there, telling her to be vulnerable. After all the pain and all the dark days, how her sister could even contemplate functioning like that left her speechless.
“I realize you never grieved for Mom and Dad because you were handling everything,” Jess said. “And then you werehelping me get my life back. I deeply regret I wasn’t there for you. And while I’m sorry I added to that burden with my crap, I will be forever grateful for all your support escaping him and helping me find my own two feet again.
“Mom and Dad are gone.” Jess’s jaw tightened. “They’re gone,” she repeated. “But I know they wouldn’t want you to live like this, Rach,” she implored. “All closed off. They wouldn’t want you to be afraid to let people in. You need to figure out how to forgive yourself and let go, because the weight of this is crushing you. And keeping you from what may be the best relationship you’ve ever had.”
Rachel wasn’t sure when her tears had started, but they fell unchecked. She was hurting her sister. Disappointing her parents. It was all jumbled up with the fresh wave of grief for the family they’d lost.
“Jess…” she started. What the hell could she say? She was overwhelmed and couldn’t for the life of her think of how to sort through all her emotions.
Jess took pity and stepped forward to hug her.
“I know,” her sister whispered as Rachel clung to her. “I know. It’s a lot. I love you, Rachel. Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.”
When Jess released her, her sister gave her a small smile. It was on the sad end, but it was something. Rachel appreciated the attempt.
“Why don’t I call you later and see how you’re doing?”
“I’d like that,” Rachel whispered before moving to her car. Right now, she needed distance and time. And someone to tell her how to put her heart back together.
Chapter Twenty-Four
A Good Swift Kick in the…
Cal hung up the phone wearily. It would be tight, but the linen rentals for Saturday would be here in time. Flopping back into the chair, he stared absentmindedly at his desk, automatically cataloging the gala paperwork and checklists scattered across it.
After the blowup with Rachel, her friends worked around him to clean up from lunch. Before he could shake himself out of his paralysis, Jess came flying back and read him the riot act. Even now he had to smile remembering the creative ways she would kill him and hide his body should he ever speak to her sister like that again.
He thought that would be the end of it, but then she’d pulled up a chair and they’d spent two hours walking through every facet of the gala.
As horrible as the day had been, working with Jess was the bright spot. She gave him hope they would pull off the event. Unlike Trace, she had a keen eye for detail along with a boatload of knowledge. And she was a lot easier to work with.
By the time Jess left, their to-do lists had to-do lists, but he felt more positive than he thought possible. While Jess hadn’t accepted the job offer, she had agreed to help him for now. She was rightfully concerned about what his parents would decideto do with the property. With the estate’s future uncertain, he couldn’t fault her for being cautious.
When his phone chirped, he had the wild hope that it would be Rachel. Rationally, he knew it wouldn’t be, however that didn’t stop the thought. He wasn’t even sure what he would say to her right now.
They hadn’t talked since their argument on Sunday. And it had been the longest two days of his life since then. Between fixing the gala and reliving the argument with her, he wasn’t in the best head space.
Seeing Vinny’s name on the screen, he accepted the call, angry at himself for being disappointed it wasn’t Rachel.
“Hey Vin,” he said, trying to rally his spirits. “How are you?”
“Good man. Hey, you coming to watch the game tonight?”
