Page 65 of Light As A Feather
My mind is spiraling with questions and horrific imagery, but I still have the sense to check to make sure the camera is okay. Jayden would kick my ass if he knew I just fumbled his baby.
"You were supposed to be downstairs,” Sol gasps as she looks up at me from the floor.
“What did you mean by that, Sol? When you said that you let him have you, that you created the anchor?” My hands shake, not because I give a fuck about being her first, but because I’m ready to kill this motherfucker even though he’s unfortunately already dead. Somehow, it’s even worse than I imagined.
“A few weeks before the party, I let him touch me. I—” She grimaces as her eyes avoid mine. “I enjoyed it.”
Rendered speechless, I take a moment to find words, and they’re the wrong ones. “How long did it go on for?”
“Not long. I stopped enjoying it. He became angry.” Roughly, she wipes tears away. “I thought he’d disappeared after that, until that night.”
We both know which one. I’m not angry, but I can’t help but be upset by the fact that I’m just now finally learning this information, which I hadn’t noticed. That she never felt safe enough to tell me the full truth of it. Suddenly, so many things make sense.
“Can you leave us for a minute? We’ll be down in a few.” I try to infuse steadiness into my voice.
When the door closes behind us, I join her there on the floor.
“Hawthorne, I?—”
Holding up my hand, I stall the conversation. The truth is, I can’t bear to hear her apologize for what she likely assumes is wounded pride or judgment, when really, it’s me grieving everything that piece of shit has put her through.
“I’m so sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me,” I say instead as I pull her against me and kiss the top of her head. Her arms are warm around my neck as she buries her face against my chest and cries. Not cries, sobs. My shirt is wet. Her uneven breaths are warm and choked as they breeze across my chest. I’m almost certain I could count the number of times I’ve seen her cry like this. Her pain claws its way inside me, living in my veins as much as my own blood. “You deserved better, Sol. You deserved so much better.” A cracking heat splinters through me when she shakes her head. As much as I want to argue, I rub her back instead and rest my head on top of hers. If I could absorb her into myself, fuse our bones together, and become one consciousness, I would if that meant protecting her from one more horrible thing. But I can’t, so I sit and I stew, pushing myself to consider just how far I’d go to avenge her. “I swear to you, Sol, I won’t stop until he’s gone from your life for good.”
“All I want is for you to keep loving me,” she whispers.
“Easy.”
“Really?”
“Loving you has always been easy, Sol. Keeping you? Not so much, but absolutely worth it.”
“You don’t think any less of me?” This time, she meets my eyes, needing to see the honesty in my answer.
“Not even for a second.” I gently take her face in my hands, thumbs stroking away the remnants of her tears. “He took advantage of you. He manipulated you. No teenage girl is responsible for the predatory behavior of a grown man.”
“But I let him. It’s not like I didn’t know what we were doing,” she attempts to argue.
“It doesn’t matter. He groomed you—all that watching, gaining your trust—he knew what he was planning. He preyed on you from the moment he laid his eyes on you. Heusedyou to get what he wanted. He still is.” That long-held hatred for Ivan flames hotter. “But not for much longer.”
Sol nods. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get rid of him.”
“Me too.”
She stands and holds out her hand. I take it. But when she turns to leave the room, I take her hand and pull her against my chest. “I love you.”
“I know.” She shakes her head. A flicker of doubt enters her gaze. “I’ll never understand why you chose me when I’m so hard to love.”
“If you’re hard to love, then I say bring on the trials; let me taste a bit of suffering so that I can embrace fate even more sweetly, My Omen. Light the fire, and I’ll walk over it. Throw the glass, and I’ll crawl. Build the wall, and I’ll climb. I’ll do so with a smile on my face, because anything worth having is worth trying for. You are that anything, you are everything.” What I don’t say is that even though keeping us together has been a fight everystep of the way, loving her is the easiest thing I’ve ever done, as natural as breathing, as necessary as sleep.
I know the answer I gave was the right one because when she kisses me, she’s more open to me than she’s ever been, a heavy burden lifted from her shoulders that I wish I’d known was weighing her down. There are still scars from lugging it around all these years; I can see the way it wears on her soul. But with time and acceptance, hopefully, she’ll heal. In order to do that, we need to find a way to get rid of him.
“Come on, let’s go see what Hale has to say about everything you two talked about tonight.”
When we get downstairs, everyone is gathered in the kitchen. Ozzie and Hale talk in hushed voices while Jayden types away on his computer, likely transcribing everything.
“So?” Sol takes a seat across from Hale, clearly much more comfortable talking to her after everything she’d divulged.
“This is definitely one of the more complicated spirit attachments I’ve heard about, but it’s not unbreakable—no attachment is. And now that we have a much clearer idea of his motivations and why he’s been able to cling to you so thoroughly, it will make releasing him much—” Hale loses her train of thought as she glances down at her vibrating phone. “One sec, it’s Zoey. I sent them the footage, so they might have something important to add.”
