Page 72 of The Unseelie War
For a moment, Nos found himself lost for words. How did one confess feelings that had been building for what felt like lifetimes?How did one explain the terrible, wonderful ache of loving someone who was not even…real?
At least not in the traditional sense.
Worse yet, how could he confess the terrible truth that he loved someone that hehimselfhad made?
What manner of narcissistic cretin did that make him?
“I need to tell you something.” He stopped, running a hand through his stringy dark hair. “Before we…before tonight.”
Ibin set down her weapons and turned to face him fully, her expression growing serious. “Go on.”
She was no longer wearing the flowing white dress of her usual garb, but had somehow discovered an antiquated soldier’s uniform in costume storage that fit her. Seeing her like that was utterlyperfectand stung every nerve in him, leaving him raw. Defeated. Unable to stop himself.
“I love you.” The words came out in a rush, tumbling over each other like water breaking through a dam. “I have loved you since the moment I dreamed you into existence. I know it is wrong, I know it is selfish and twisted and morally despicable?—”
“Nos.” Her voice was gentle but firm, cutting through his self-recrimination. “Stop.”
He looked up at her, expecting to see disgust or pity in her eyes. Instead, he found something that looked almost like relief.
She laughed through the words. “How daft do you think I am?” A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. “Do you think I haven't known how you felt about me from the very start?”
He shut his eyes. “You knew.”
“You're about as subtle as a brick through a window, mate.” She stepped closer. “The question is, why have you never said anything?”
Nos felt his throat constrict. “Because you'remydream, Ibin. I created you out of my own loneliness, my own need for…for someone who would understand. How could I ask you to love me back when your very existence is tied to what Iwantedyou to be?”
“You really want to know what I think about that?” Ibin's voice carried an edge he'd never heard before.
He nodded mutely.
“I think that’s utter bollocks and you’re making excuses for being too damn shy to get out of your own way.” The words came out with surprising vehemence. “Do you want to know what I remember from when I first became aware of myself? When I first opened my eyes in that strange place between dreams and reality?”
Nos found himself holding his breath.
“I remember looking at you and thinking you were the most annoying and pathetic creature I'd ever seen.” Her smile widened at his expression of shock. “Sitting there in your misery, all woe-is-me, so convinced of your own unworthiness that you couldn't even look me in the eye. I couldn't stand you at first, Nos!”
He blinked, stunned. “Then why?—”
“Because you grew on me, you stubborn, stitched-together bastard.” She reached out and touched his face, her fingers tracing the mismatched features that marked him as something cobbled together from dreams and nightmares. “Because despite creating me, you never once tried to control me. You never demanded that I be anything other than what I chose to be. You gave me freedom to become myself, even when that self was sometimes cruel to you.”
Nos felt tears prick at his eyes. “But the fact remains?—”
“The fact remains,” Ibin interrupted, “that I'msickandtiredof being lonely. I'm tired of standing next to someone I care about and watching him torture himself because he thinks his feelings are somehow invalid. I'm tired of pretending I don't feel the same way because you've convinced yourself it would be wrong.”
“Ibin…”
“I don't give a rat’sarsehow I came to be, Nos. Dream, nightmare, construct, whatever—I'm here now. I think, I feel, I choose. And I choose you, you magnificent disaster.” Her voice grew softer. “If you'll have me.”
For a moment, Nos couldn't speak. The weight of decades of self-doubt, of loneliness, of believing himself unworthy of love, pressed down on him like a physical force. Then Ibin stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, and all of that weight simply…lifted.
He held her tightly, burying his face in her hair, breathing in the reality of her presence. “I thought…I was so afraid…”
“I know.” Her voice was muffled against his shoulder. “But we don't have time for fear anymore. Not tonight.”
They stood there in the shadows, holding each other as if they could somehow stop time through sheer force of will.
“Promise me something,” Ibin said finally, pulling back to look at him.
