Page 57 of It's in the Contract
“What do you like about being a cheerleader?” Shawn asks, ignoring my question.
I take a bite of lasagna and pretend that the calories don’t count. “I like . . . getting people pumped up for the game. I like feeling like we can do our part to help the football players win.” I do my best tonotthink about Noah and how painful that’s going to be cheering him on and watching him play, people talking behind my back about how we used to be the cutest couple.
“What else?” Zeke asks. He turns to me, food forgotten, like I’m the most interesting thing in the world. Mia snarfs her noodles, and somehow half of her food is ending up on her face. Caroline gives me an encouraging smile.
“Well, my favorite part is actually flying through the air and feeling free,” I say. “I’m pretty good at back handsprings, and I’m usually the one at the top whenever our group does pyramid formation jumps or anything like that. It’s hard, but it’s fun, and it’s rewarding when I nail a difficult move.” I clamp my mouth shut. I am talking way too much about myself.
I’m surprised when Zeke’s warm brown eyes light up, like he’s genuinely interested. “You like flying through the air. You. Who is terrified of heights?”
My cheeks warm. “Yeah, weird, I know. It doesn’t make any sense. I guess . . . I’m comfortable with cheer? I’ve been doingit since I was a kid. It doesn’t feel the same as climbing a tall ladder.”
Zeke smiles at me warmly. “I like it when you talk about you.”
I stare into Zeke’s mesmerizing eyes. My voice comes out small. “Do you really mean that?”
“Yes, Callie,” Zeke says.
I see Caroline and Shawn exchange smiles out of the corner of my eye, and it breaks the spell that’s over me. I shake my head and turn back to my plate.
“Callie is going to take me to the MoPop Museum soon,” Zeke says. “We might even see the Space Needle afterward.”
I almost choke on a glob of mozzarella. “I thought we weren’t going to do that?”
Zeke turns to me with those wide brown eyes. “You saved me from my deepest fear today. Let me help you with yours.” He says the words quietly, like they’re for just the two of us. Mia’s keeping her parents occupied by launching into a unicorn song she learned from a YouTube video earlier.
I look at Zeke’s kind face, not pushing, not judging, and I feel like maybe, just maybe, I could do it. There’s a knot of fear in my stomach, but I say, “Okay.”
I don’t know where that came from, but Zeke’s smile makes it almost worth it.
Mia’s singing quiets, and Shawn says, “I hear you’re also seeing the aquarium.”
I nod.
“Careful, that place is fishy.” Shawn’s eyes twinkle as Zeke groans.
I helpCaroline with the dishes and listen to Mia’s excited little voice as she tells her daddy in great detail how I saved her and Zeke from a killer spider, and Shawn keeps glancing up at me with a twinkle in his eye. Zeke puts away the food in Tupperware containers and adds to the story every now and then.
Shawn asks Zeke to show him where he’s at in his D&D campaign (apparently it’s a family thing?) and Zeke turns to me. “You don’t mind, do you? I can give you a ride home whenever you need to go.”
“Go ahead,” I say. “I want to help your mom finish up.”
Shawn follows Zeke down the hallway, and Mia retrieves paper and crayons from a drawer and works on her art at the table. Caroline and I stand side by side at the kitchen sink, up to our elbows in lemon dish soap bubbles, and she makes me feel right at ease by asking me more questions about cheer. We fall into an easy conversation, and the dishes are done quickly.
“How do you do it?” I ask, joining Mia at the table. Caroline sets the plate of overly sprinkled unicorn cookies between us. Mia abandons her art and lunges for a cookie. I pick one up and take a bite, sweet with just a hint of nutmeg, and they are just as heavenly as I remember. The crunch of the sprinkles actually adds a nice textural element.
“Do what?” Caroline asks. She takes a bite of cookie. “Oh, Callie, these are divine.”
“Thank you.” I chew and swallow. “How do you just be yourself, without worrying about what other people think aboutyou?” Even as I ask the question, I fear that I’m exposing myself to her, putting myself out there for her to judge.
But Caroline smiles warmly and helps herself to a second cookie. “I understand where you’re coming from, honey. I used to worry more about what people thought.” She shrugs and takes a bite. “But now I just worry about being myself. I want to show that to my daughter, you know?” Caroline turns a loving look toward Mia, who has resumed drawing, now with sprinkles and frosting smeared across her upper lip. “I want her to know that who she is is good enough for me, it’s good enough for God, and it should be good enough for her. The only people she needs to please are herself and God. As long as she’s happy with who she is, then I’m happy with her, too.” Caroline shakes her head. “Does that make sense?”
I find myself unexpectedly teary, thinking about all the times my mom has told me without meaning to that I wasn’t good enough.
I blink the tears away, hopefully before Caroline sees. “Yes.”
“I’m so grateful that Zeke has you, Callie,” Caroline says. Nowhereyes fill with tears and I pretend not to see. “It’s been so hard for him, moving so much. At our last house he had some good friends that he was torn up about leaving. And when they stopped responding to his attempts to keep in touch, well . . .” She trails off. “It just about broke him. It was one thing too many.”
Guilt rushes over me in a sickening wave. I feel horrible for deceiving Caroline like this, and I feel awful for holding Zeke back. I am the crutch that’s keeping him from making real friends. I set down my cookie, appetite gone.
