Page 25 of A Game of Queens
"Um..." He hesitated, clearing his throat. His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated. His pulse thumped rapidly in his throat. I could hear the sound as if it was my own heartbeat. Maybe he knew the things that were after me? Though he didn't seem afraid, exactly. More excited than anything. "I don't know how to ask this. It's... crazy. There has to be some mistake. But I asked the lab to run the tests again. I put a rush on it. And they came back exactly the same."
I stared at him, stilling my own reactions. My face softened. I could feel each muscle smoothing as if a mask was slipping up over my cheeks. A veil dropped before my eyes. Almost like that green curtain, but this was gray. Numb.
It dawned on me that I was hiding inside my own body. It was almost like I'd withdrawn my soul or spirit deeper inside me, leaving only an outer shell that could barely function. A doll. Or puppet. Something not alive. As easily and automatically as I'd done it, I must have been forced to withdraw like this a great deal.
"Are you human?"
I blinked slowly. The word hung in the air between us.Human.
That was it. That was the piece of understanding I'd been missing. There wasn't anything wrong with me. He was the one who was different. He was human. Less, honestly. I didn't mean it to be a slur, but he was less powerful. Literally, his life force wasn't as vital and strong as mine, even though I'd evidently been near death.
He leaned closer, bracing his elbows on his knees. Keeping his voice low, he rattled off the results. "You were clinically dead according to the EMTs who brought you in. You didn't have a pulse, even though you were semi-conscious. The first time we tried to draw blood, we couldn't find any. Your veins collapsed immediately. You didn't have a measurable blood pressure. That's impossible, right? But I thought maybe you were one of those near-death miracles. That you were going to come back raving about the bright light..."
I flinched, drawing back involuntarily. "No. Please. I can't go back to that."
"You saw it? A bright light?"
I closed my eyes, shuddering. "Yes. The sun always shines there. It's so bright that everything is agony."
He frowned, shaking his head slightly. "That's not right. It's not supposed to be like that. Heaven is paradise. Not agony."
"I wasn't in heaven, doctor." I swallowed hard and I felt moisture pooling in my eyes. "I was in hell."
4
KARMEN
The doctor laughed awkwardly as if I'd made a really bad joke and he was trying to be polite. "I don't think you're a demon, but I'm honestly not surewhatyou are. Your blood is very... unique."
Blood. Yes. I vaguely remembered something my mother had used to say. I tried to remember her face. Her name. But it had been so very long ago. Back in the olive tree days.
"It's actually abnormal enough that I posted in a medical forum where some of the country's top doctors donate their time for unusual diseases."
I tried to sit up but pulling myself upright made me feel woozy. He pressed a button on the bed and it slowly rose, helping me to sit up more comfortably.
"See? You're weak and obviously feeling unwell. But what's absolutely shocking is the way you're recovering at all. Two hours ago, you didn't have a measurable blood pressure. An hour ago, we were finally able to take blood. I wouldn't be surprised to find that your blood pressure is much improved, even though you're still weak. But a normal human would have never been able to recover from whatever trauma you experienced. Youwere dead, Karmen. I couldn't have saved you in that moment. You saved yourself. Somehow."
"You think I have some kind of disease?"
He grimaced. "Not exactly. Your blood is abnormal, but the lab couldn't immediately identify any recognizable disease or foreign antibody in your blood. Well, except for one. High traces of hCG."
I stared at him blankly. I had no idea what that meant.
He reached out and took my hand in his, surprising me. I jerked slightly before I could conceal my instinctual reaction. He immediately released me, but the mask of calm control I'd been wearing had definitely slipped.
I didn't like to be touched. At all. Even by doctors who were supposedly trying to help me. "Is it serious?" I asked hoarsely.
"You're pregnant, Karmen."
A strange whirling sound filled my head. Buzzing. White noise. Static. "Pregnant? You don't even think I'm human."
"I know, it sounds crazy even to me. There are things I can't explain in your blood, but there are also commonalities. We could measure your hemoglobin and white-blood cells. They tested for narcotics, cholesterol—yours is nonexistent, by the way—and hormones. When a woman of your age comes into the ER, it's standard procedure to run a pregnancy test before we administer any drugs that could harm a fetus. Although your blood is definitely abnormal with elements we couldn't identify at all, I'm fairly certain that you're pregnant. We can do an ultrasound to be sure, depending on how far along you are."
I couldn't seem to think. Everything felt distant and soft, as if I was fading away. Or maybe the world was fading away, and I was going back to that place of brutal light. A place of pain, and evidently...
Shards pierced my head, making me wince. I closed my eyes, holding still. I didn't want to remember. I had a feeling thatit would be very bad. The haunting memory of pain was bad enough. I knew, with grim certainty, that I didn't want to pull those shattered pieces back together into a clear image of what had happened to me. Who I had been with. Who might be the father of this child.
My stomach convulsed and I gagged, but there wasn't anything in my stomach to come up.
