Page 34 of A Game of Queens
The room was exactly as I'd specified. Small, dark, with no windows or other exits. The door at the opposite side of the room led to an equally small and dark bathroom. Dingy, yes, but I could deal with that. I'd seen entirely too much grandeur...
I froze, letting that thought play out.Images of gold upon gold upon gold fluttered through my mind. A room that had been my prison. Walls and floors of gold. No other colors tosoften the harsh gleaming gold. Even the pillows, cushions, and rugs were gold. I looked up...
Searing pain made me flinch and quickly look down, eyes streaming at the memory. There hadn't been any ceilings. That was what had been bugging me as we'd driven through the city. These buildings all had ceilings and roofs. But in... the city...Hiscity...
What is the fucking name?Frustrated, I stared at myself in the dirty, streaked mirror. Shock edged out my lingering irritation at my spotty memory. I looked gaunt and weak with dark hollows beneath my eyes. My cheekbones stood out stark and angular. My eyes were sunken and weary, as if I'd seen unimaginable horrors.
I had. I just didn't remember them. Thankfully.
My hair was dark red and striped with wide golden highlights. My eyes were mostly brown, I thought, but tinged amber. There was something weird about my eyes. A warning, I thought. But the tidbit escaped me.
I held my arms out, examining the rest of my body as if I'd never seen it before. My arms were thin and scrawny. So were my legs. I allowed the hospital gown to flutter to the floor and turned, looking over my shoulder at myself in the mirror. My skin was ridged with thick, white scars. Looking closer at my arms, I confirmed they bore the same scars, though fainter and shaped differently. Pockets of scar tissue, almost like fingerprints.
Shuddering, I pushed that thought out of my mind. I wasn't ready yet. I didn't want to remember.But this time, my mind was determined to replay that memory like a horror movie inside my own head.
He was as golden as the room, the palace, the entire city that had been built for him. Liquid, melted, searing gold. Every touchwas blazing pain. He liked to see agony in my eyes. It was the ultimate adoration for him.
Suffer for me, he used to say.Show me how much you love me.
And I had. I’d borne the pain in silence. I hadn’t fought him or tried to stop him. I’d known it was impossible. He owned me, body and soul. I couldn’t escape.
All I could do was survive.
The memory faded, though my brain twitched and flinched with lingering horror. I stared at my hollowed, hopeless eyes. My scarred body. There was a deep, precious well inside me that had once been overflowing with bubbling power that had been full of promise. Now that well was bone dry and cracked. I didn’t think it would ever hold joy or power again.
But I was still here. I looked at myself in the dirty mirror, and for the first time in ages, I was free to let emotion shine in my eyes. A hint of hope. The fire of determination. The flicker of my long-burning rage.
I’d been forced to swallow those emotions for so long that they’d eaten me from the inside out, destroying my life. My memories. My power.
He hadn’t taken my power from me.
I had lost it. No, I’d destroyed it. So he couldn’t have it.
I stared at the image in the mirror and I didn’t recognize myself. But pride sparked in my eyes.
I had stood in the fires of solar hell and lived to tell about it. I had withstood the rage and cursed affection of a golden, vengeful monster. I’d been burned to a blackened, crisp husk, but I still lived.
Even his sunfires would not destroy me.
Clenching my jaw, I wrapped a towel around my hand. Then I slammed my fist into the mirror. The glass shattered, tinkling onto the floor and grimy sink. Breathing hard, I picked up oneof the larger shards, using it like a knife to cut the discarded hospital gown into wide strips. I wrapped several of the larger shards in cloth, leaving the wider ends to act as hand-held mirrors or knives. Whichever I needed the most.
I positioned the wrapped glass around the room on every flat surface, making sure I had a weapon within reach wherever I might be in the room. The biggest piece of glass I set by the door, using a pillow from the bed and a small can under the desk to position it so would catch the reflection of anyone--or anything--that came through the door.
By then, my body was trembling with exhaustion and weakness. The roof of my mouth throbbed with excruciating pain, timed to the beat of my heart. So drained. So empty. Every moment made my body ache. I barely managed to climb onto the bed before I passed out.
EIVIND
I stalked down the hall,grim and silent. My wolf was poised inside me, though I refused to consider why. He wasn’t braced to rend flesh and howl with victory—but to bask in the presence of his mate.
Furious—even at myself—I shoved hard at the beast inside me.Slobbering idiot. Do youwantto be caged?
Deliberately, I pictured my father’s chained wolf in my head in gruesome detail. I denied what my beast insisted was so clear and obvious. He’d made up his mind about Karmen, even if I still distrusted her.
No one’s trapping me. No one’s caging me. Ever.
I didn't hesitate at the door. She would know I approached. She could feel me. Smell me. Sense me. I couldn't afford to show any hesitation or reluctance. She wouldn't know how much the thought of being in a room alone with her bothered me.
I refused to admit that I was afraid.
