Page 20 of Carnal Magic
“So… wait…” I hesitated, trying to wrap my mind around it. “You served him but never had a dream like that? Like mine?”
“I caught glimpses of him in dreams. Shadowed monsters, howling wolves, standard nightmare material. But it was always from a distance. I might be lost in the woods, running away from something, but I never saw it. I never actually fed him pleasure in those dreams. I couldn’t. Fear and pleasure just didn’t mix for me. Plus, by the time I was fifteen, I was already sweet on Sam. Then Randolph. A few others. I loved my human men, and that was enough for me. I didn’t need more than what I had, and I was able to serve him for decades that way.
“Honestly, it was easy. I grew up in that lifestyle. I embraced it. I didn’t have Rebekah until I was nearly thirty, by choice. I intended to show her all the ways we benefited from living on his mountain. The one time I’d been scared for Mama seemed distant and not as scary as I’d remembered. Plus, I was distracted. Sam had finally given up on waiting for me to agree to marry him. He came home from out east with a new wife. Randolph had already married years before. Rebekah was having trouble at school, and everything sort of fell apart. My magic failed me. I was too scattered, too upset, and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to serve the mountain. So he began working his wicked nightmare magic on her.
“I was angry. Absolutely furious. She was too young, barely sixteen, though I’d been even younger when I’d started to work carnal magic. And yeah, I was jealous and afraid. I didn’t want to lose my power, and I’d already lost my lovers. We both said some hurtful things to each other, and she left. She swore she wouldn’t even come back to my funeral.” Martha sighed softly. “And she didn’t. I went to hers instead.”
13
Martha paused her story, and I could feel her pain hanging between us like old, shadowed bruises.
“What did he do to her?” I whispered.
“I don’t know. She refused to tell me. Though I suspect you get your dreaming ability from her. Even as a child, she had vivid dreams. She made it very clear that she wanted no part of this life. She went her own way, and I hope she lived the life she wanted. Corrine told me what she could, but they were friends, and I didn’t want Rebekah to feel like Corrine was my spy. I know she loved someone enough to have a baby with him. I gave her space, hoping she’d bring the baby to see me, but of course, she refused. I understood why, too. She didn’t want the mountain to know that another Redwine woman existed.”
My eyes burned, dry and hot and tired. My temples ached. I really wanted to sleep, but I was afraid I’d dream again. “I know you tried to warn me, but a letter and a single page in the journal didn’t come close to helping me figure out what was going on here.”
She was quiet for a moment, and then she started to shake softly against me. Afraid I’d upset her, I pulled away enough to see her face. Relieved, I noted that she was laughing, not crying.
“Oh, baby girl. I’m both amused and horrified that you think that’s all I did with the last bit of my magic I retained. As I told you in the letter, what I left for you was my greatest work. Especially once my magic started to fade. The mountain went mostly dormant, and the flows of magic were sluggish. I didn’t have any more lovers, and so fed him with simpler pleasures. It took time for me to work all the protections and layers of security into the cabin.”
My eyes widened. “I didn’t feel any protection spells or see any runes. Of course the gum tree out front was protection, I got that. The rosemary too.”
“Every single item in this house has been imbued with protection. Not to ward you against him, but to give you confidence and space and hopefully time to grapple with what the mountain represents. I knew you were coming home without any of the family lore. I assumed Rebekah hadn’t passed down any of the stories to her daughter, and I had no idea whether Layla had been sensitive or not. Polly told me you would come home. It might be decades, but you were coming. So I spent the last part of my years preparing the way.
“I couldn’t keep him from waking up or reaching out to you as soon as you came near. After so long, I was sure he’d be mindless with hunger, desperate to claim you no matter what you wanted. Make no mistake, baby girl, he’s a monster at heart. He can turn pain into the most exquisite pleasure. Make fear and terror the headiest aphrodisiac. I wanted to give you as many weapons as possible.”
I snorted, shaking my head. “I didn’t have any weapons. I wished for a flashlight just so I could see. I certainly didn’t have anything to protect myself.”
She arched a brow at me, her lips flattening into a hard slant that made me think of her ruthless mother. “One: I gave you knowledge. You knew exactly what you were up against. Two: I made sure you had contacts in town who could not only share more information but also provide you a way out if you needed it. Corrine has been waiting for you to show up for at least twenty years. Though Sam married someone else, his family would do anything for us Redwines, and it has nothing to do with Mama’s money still earning interest in the bank.
“Three: all the handmade things in this house carry my intention of protection. From this quilt and the afghan I made to the hand-carved bed and the kitchen table, I wanted you surrounded with love. Love can be a powerful weapon against darkness. Four: if you look under the bed, you’ll find a circle of tourmaline laid into the hardwood floors. Five: the entire house is also enclosed in a grid of tourmaline, onyx, and amethyst, with the gum tree as an anchor. I charged that grid under the full moon every year until my death, pushing all my energy into it.”
“But… I’ve been here two nights, and I’ve had two very vivid, real dreams of him or his minions.”
She nodded grimly. “I couldn’t keep him out entirely. That would be impossible. The grid was to protect and empower you, plus give you some distance. The first night, the dream was vaguer, a bit softer. Not as graphic. Right?”
I nodded. “I don’t remember as much from the first dream. Just a hot spring and… uh… hands. Lots of hands.”
She smirked. “Baby girl, there isn’t a single thing you could ever tell me that would shock me. There will be more pages in the journal that appear over time, but you already know the most important things. I may have forgotten details to tell you tonight, so be sure to check the histories. They’re locked in the trunk in the armoire. I wrote them down for Mama before she passed.”
“What else is in that trunk?”
Her smirk deepened. “You’ll have to look to find out. Let’s just say it’s full of surprises of the carnal variety.”
Perfect. My great-grandmother had left a box of sex toys for me.
“I should let you get some sleep. There’s an immense amount of power waiting for you, Arwena. Don’t let your fear send you running away before you have the chance to explore it.”
“I don’t know that I’ll be able to sleep here ever again.” Despite my words, I yawned so hard my jaw popped.
“Set your intention before you go to sleep. You need your rest. You’re allowed to rest your body and heal yourself. In fact, he demands nothing less. You can’t serve him if you’re exhausted or run down. He may crawl into the darkest recesses of your mind and drag out trauma and fear that you didn’t even know about, but he respects free will and boundaries above everything else. If you flat out tell him to never again appear in your dreams without your explicit invitation, he won’t.”
I frowned, not sure why I hesitated. I could tell him to stay away. Now.
A faint pulse in my core made me shiver. I’d never climaxed so hard before. Let alone so quickly. Did I want to give that up without… exploring?
Then I remembered my trip to the store. “I bought some wine earlier today. Is that going to be a problem?”
