Page 18 of Carnal Magic
I burst into full-blown sobs, gulping for air, clutching her tightly. “Why didn’t you warn me? Why did you let me stay when he’s out there, waiting?”
She murmured softly, rocking us back and forth gently. “I know, baby girl. I know. I wish I could have done more, but I promise you that I’ve done everything I possibly could to empower you. The choice is yours. You can leave right now and never come back.”
“Like Rebekah.”
“Yes,” she said simply, not trying to make excuses. “Let me tuck you back into bed and I’ll answer your questions.”
Numbly, I let her guide me back to her bed, stumbling over my own feet. She tsked softly at the barren mattress and went to the large armoire to pull out a folded quilt and another pillow. I let her tuck me in, wrapping me up like a burrito. Slowly, the tremors subsided and my teeth stopped chattering, though tears still randomly dripped from my eyes.
She sat on the edge of the bed. I felt the mattress dip. She was physically here with me, though I didn’t understand how.
“I was born and raised on the mountain,” she began. “Mama was too, and her mother, Olivia, and her mother, Sara. We’ve lost Sara’s mother’s indigenous name, but she came to be known as Polly to the locals. She was taken from her family by a fur trader somewhere north along the Mississippi River when she was only thirteen. When he died, she was left here in the wilderness to raise baby Sara alone.”
“Fucking colonizer white men. I hope Polly killed the bastard.”
Martha chuckled. “She did, according to Mama. Polly found shelter with another indigenous woman who already lived alone on the mountain. She was much older, and they spoke different languages, but they quickly adopted each other as family. She told Polly about the creature at the heart of the mountain. Now this is all word of mouth, told to me across several generations, so I don’t know how much of this is true. But Mama said that they both eagerly served him because he protected and provided for them. Settlers came and went, but they were never bothered or threatened again.”
I couldn’t help but shudder at the wordserved. “She’d already suffered so much trauma. That’s horrible.”
“Not at all, baby girl. I know you’re scared but think back to what happened. Did he ever actually hurt you?”
I struggled to get my arms untangled from the blanket, pushing up so I could glare at her. “My throat was bleeding! I couldn’t breathe!”
“I know, baby girl. But think about it.” Gently, she patted my thigh. “Did he do anything that you didn’t enjoy? Because everything came from your own mind. That’s his power. It’s no less terrifying, don’t get me wrong. Not everyone can open up the darkness inside them and wallow in the hurt and shame and guilt we carry. He revels in all that darkness, but that’s not what he feeds on. He feeds only on pleasure. Your pleasure. He wouldn’t do something that didn’t give you pleasure, even if it was dark and scary.”
Groaning, I buried my face in my hands. “That was in my own mind? The whole time?”
I wanted to deny it, but I’d been thinking about my favorite evil characters from popular movies before I’d even thought about going to bed. Of course all that had been in my mind.
Which only made me feel worse.
Maybe that was why I’d never had a stellar sex life. I was into some seriously dark shit.
“He brings out that darkness because that’s his specialty. He’s a creature of fear and nightmares. Bogeyman, Rawhead Bones, Sasquatch, Slender Man, Mothman, whatever evil creature that people love to scare each other with, all wrapped up in one very enticing bow. Hewantsyou to desire him. He needs you to be afraid and still come to him. That’s his nature.”
“Earlier, you said we were descended from a goddess, that we were Redwines because her blood ran red in our veins.”
She nodded. “When Polly agreed to serve him, she embraced him. That’s the word Mama was told.Embraced. She didn’t just dream about him. She physically joined him for a time. How, we’re not entirely sure. But when she embraced him, she took on the aspect of his goddess. She became the avatar, the living goddess on this earth. As her descendants, we inherited that power from her.”
I sat quietly for a moment, trying to absorb the story. Did I believe all this? How could I not after that dream? He’d said Martha never embraced him, and even seemed angry at her refusal. He hadn’t wanted me to say her name. I searched her gaze, trying to tell if she was omitting anything, or lying to me. “You don’t know how she embraced him?”
Martha ducked her head and played with one of the knotted strings that held the quilt block together. “I served, but I didn’t embrace him. No one has embraced him since Polly. Even though I was born and raised here, knowing everything as soon as Mama felt I was ready, I still couldn’t… I didn’t…”
Sighing, she looked up and met my gaze. Tears shimmered in her cheeks. “You’re so strong, Arwena. She told me that you might be the one.”
“She?”
“Polly, our ancestor. She appeared to me, as I appear to you. To my knowledge, she came to Mama too, though she never really talked about it.”
I shook my head, trying to put the pieces together. “I’m so confused.”
“There are many ways to serve him. I served, as my mother served before me. Rebekah and your mother did not serve him. Rebekah left the mountain entirely and Layla never even visited. I doubt your mother ever knew anything about our family history. She wouldn’t even speak to me at her mother’s funeral. Evidently Rebekah told her enough that she already hated me.”
“She never told me anything. About you, her mother, the mountain. Nothing.”
“The mountain, his lair, is key. Once you stepped foot on his mountain, he knew you were here. He felt the pulse of his goddess in your blood, and he began to awaken the magic that has lain dormant since I passed. That magic responds to you now. The more you serve him, the more the magic will bubble up through the earth to you.”
I grimaced, a faint shudder rocking my shoulders. “Serve. Like that fucking dream?”
