Page 19 of Finding Denver
His smile is weak. “I used to not suck at this, remember?”
Fuck. I do remember. He was my go-to, the man I trusted above everyone else. My fucking brother.
And all I do recently is doubt him.
I scratch the back of my neck. “Wilder?—”
“It’s okay,” he says quietly. “I just … I just want you to trust me again.”
Me too. I give him a nod. “Don’t stay up too late.”
“Okay, Mom,” He grins and I give him the finger.
I take each step to my room slowly, my body aching. Once I’m showered, I dress in sweats and a T-shirt and find Holly already in bed. The pink room is cast in a soft yellow glow from her plug-in night-light, and her small speaker is reading a story as she clings to a stuffed unicorn.
“Comfy?” I ask as I perch on the edge of the bed.
She nods. “Where did you go?”
“Work,” I say, brushing her hair back.
She watches me with wide eyes. Wilder’s eyes. “How long are we staying here?”
My heart aches a little at the question. She moved here with Wilder after the mess at Denver’s wedding because I couldn’t protect them unless they were with me. I moved her from the only home she’d ever known, just years after her mom was taken.
I worry every day that she’s already been through too much. She knows our family isn’t like her friend’s. Her life is different. Drastically different.
“For a little while longer.”
She squeezes her toy. “I like it.”
I smile. “You do?” She nods again.
“Will you sit here like Daddy does?”
I lie beside her, cushioned by endless stuffed toys, and the speaker keeps reading a story she’s probably heard a hundred times. Holly closes her eyes, and I run my fingers through her hair.
It’s always at night when I’m reminded how my life has changed. When Callie was pregnant, we’d lie in bed and try to imagine how strange it would be when she went into labor—how it’d be the two of us one day, then bringing home a baby the next. Our entire existence would be shifted within hours (“An hour would be nice!” she’d said), and that would be it. Our lives forever changed.
You never think it will switch back again.
That the nights of whispering with Callie about what our little girl would be like would then be me telling my little girl what her mom was like.
Then that the toys strewn across a bedroom floor would be put away and never reemerge.
That the glittery sneakers by the front door would never be retied.
After barely four years of having my little girl in my life, she was taken, too.
And then it would be just me, wondering if I’d imagined their existence entirely.
I rest my forearm over my eyes. I’m just tired. That’s all.
It’s just been a long day. That’s all.
I’ve just lost everything.That’s all.
Chapter 6
