Page 5 of Bring Me Back
But this isn’t a fairytale, and I don’t even have a fucking tower.
My fist pounds against the door, as if it would really hold me back if I wanted to beat it down right now.
“It’s open,” her voice calls from somewhere inside, and I roll my eyes.
“Why the fuck is it open, Willow?” I say, wiping my boots and letting myself in. It may be a shithole, but it’s still her home, and I respect that.
“Not the time, Beck,” she says, bouncing Silas on one hip while she struggles to unbuckle Scarlett from her highchair with only a flashlight illuminating the small kitchen.
Beck
She’s the only person alive I have ever let call me by that name. Beckett is the name my parents gave me. But everyone in my life has called me Helo for so long, my own name sounds foreign.
“What tripped it this time? Toaster or microwave?” I ask, and she rolls her eyes.
“I’m sure it was the oven, but who knows in this place,” she replies. I think I see the faintest sign of tears gathering in her eyes, but she turns her head towards the darkness, shutting her emotions down. “Luckily, these two seem happy no matter what goes on around here, don’t you guys?”
Scarlett giggles, throwing a playdoh ball towards Silas and missing by a mile. The Harding twins live up to their legacy, that’s for sure.
“We love camping at Auntie Willow’s house, don’t we, sweeties?” She coos, a sweet smile spreading across her face as she makes the worst shadow puppets I’ve ever seen dance across the ceiling. The kids laugh,completely content sitting in the dark, watching her work her mama magic.
“I don’t think I have the parts to fix this, Will. I’m gonna have to go to the hardware store whenever it opens tomorrow.” I tell her, inspecting the singed metal and plastic. She's damn lucky this didn’t burn the entire house down.
Her shoulders sag, a look of defeat settling in her gaze for only a moment before she snaps out of it, plastering on a smile.
“Well, okay then. I guess we’re gonna have to call mama and daddy, aren’t we? That’s okay, we can go home and play with all your toys!” Despite the abyss I know lies beyond her deep brown eyes, she’s probably the most positive person I know. Her cloud is always surrounded by a silver lining, no matter what storm rages around her.
“You guys could just come to my-” I start to offer my sanctuary up as a safe landing, but she cuts me off.
“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it. I already let Ember know I would be at their house. She said that’s totally fine. I’m sorry I made you come all this way for nothing.” She's already unbuckling Silas, slinging a backpack over one shoulder and propping him on her left hip as she tries to unbuckle Scarlett one-handed.
“Can you just let me…I can…let me help…” I say, pulling Scarlett from the high chair and into my arms. She snuggles into me, her hands clutching my shirt like they have dozens of times.
I’ve been friends with their dad since long before they were even a thought, and some days I still can’t believe this is the path Elijah’s life has taken. But I'm happy for him. He deserves this beautiful family.
“I can do it,” Willow says, her voice barely loud enough to hear.
“Yeah, I know you can. You can do anything. But I want to help you, Will,” I tell her.
It takes everything I have in me to keep from reaching out and brushing her hair out of her face. She's not mine to touch, and she's made it perfectly clear over the years that a relationship is the last thing she’s looking for. If I could, I would drag her kicking and screaming from this hellhole of a life she's barely living and lock her away in my mansion in the mountains. I would shower her with every single thing her heart could ever desire, both her and Jaxon. They deserve to be taken care of, to have a man show them what it really means to provide for them.
But the unwilling can’t be rescued. And Willow is the furthest thing from a damsel in distress.
“Can you…” she stutters, walking out to her car and strapping Scarlett into the car seat. “Can you follow me to Eli and Ember’s? My car was running a little rough this morning.”
Fuck, this woman will be the death of me.
four
It’s beentwo weeks since Beckett came back and cut a huge hole in my wall to replace half the guts of the electrical panel. He took his time explaining every step to Jaxon, who had never shown an interest in anything remotely electrical before that day. But I know he just enjoys spending time with Beck. I don’t blame him. His father was never the life-lesson kind of dad I always hoped he would be.
Beckett told me no less than a dozen times during the process that I needed to find a new place to live. I tried to take his words for what they were, a friend concerned about my well-being and the safety of my son. But it still made my hackles rise to hear his criticism.
I know we live in a dump, but it’s my dump. My house may be shitty, but it’s the only thing I’ve ever beenable to provide all on my own. No matter what anyone says, I’m proud of myself for that. I spend every day making sure my son has everything he needs, and I don’t need anyone’s help to accomplish that. Except…sometimes I do.
I know what it feels like to be indebted to a man. To feel you owe him for the air in your lungs, for the privilege of opening your eyes every morning. I promised myself the day I left Cooper I would never allow anyone to make me feel so small ever again. I won’t ever put myself in the position to be taken advantage of like that again.
As much as I would love to say everything was Cooper’s fault, it wasn’t. I had every opportunity to leave long before I did. I could have packed our life into my car and left before Jaxon saw the real evil that lived inside his father. But the idea of “what if” suffocated me every single day. What if he came after me and the punishment was ten times worse? What if he came for my son and I never saw them again? What if I tried to get away, to start over, and I could never outrun him? If I’m honest with myself, I still battle these thoughts every day. I love the life I’ve built here in Grovewood. Although I keep them at arm’s length, I love the family I’ve found here.
