Page 9 of Bring Me Back
The intensity eventually starts to wane, but the aftermath lingers. My hands shake, my racing heart barely calming. The residue of a panic attack always leaves me feeling drained, as if I’ve just been through a natural disaster, even though no physical danger was ever a possibility.
“I’m sorry,” I pant, my heart rate still a gallop in my chest. My head falls back against his hard body, and I close my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Beck.”
He places a kiss on my head, so soft I can barely feel it. He doesn’t say a word, and guilt creeps in. I shouldn’t lean on him for support this way. I know it’s not fair. But when I think back on my life, I don’t ever remember feeling as safe as I do every time this man is near. We stay this way, breathing slowly in and out together, until my heart rate finally feels reasonable again.
Usually, this kind of panic only hits me at night when my dreams take me back to living under Cooper’s fist. I’ll wake in a cold sweat, my heart beating out of my chest. Sometimes I scream so loud, Jaxon has to shake me awake. I know in those moments, Jax remembers feeling the same fear.
“Come on, I’ll take you home.” He says, and I open my mouth to argue, but the look he gives me tells me it’s no use. He walks me to my car, unlocking the door and guiding me into the passenger seat and buckling my seatbelt.
“I’ll just be one minute, okay? I’m gonna let the guys know we’re leaving.” He says, and I nod, staring a hole through the floor. He disappears inside the building, and I feel tears sting my eyes.
How fucking embarrassing.
I know Beckett would never judge me, but this isn’t the woman I want to be in front of him or anyone else.This woman is weak and broken and needs to get her shit together.
“Okay, let’s go,” he says as the driver’s door opens and he slides into the seat. He drops my purse onto my lap, and I can’t help but smile at how considerate he always is. It takes him three tries to slide it back far enough to fit his broad frame behind the wheel, and I hear him grumble about how much he hates my car.
The rest of the drive back to my house is quiet, the only sound coming from the occasional tick of the turn signal or the tires humming against the pavement. The lights of the street pass in a steady rhythm, casting fleeting shadows on the windshield. Inside, the air feels thick with unspoken thoughts, the quiet between us wrapping around me like a heavy blanket. I close my eyes, letting my head fall back against the seat.
“Beck, I’m sor-”
“Don’t.” His voice is sharp but not cold. I already know he doesn’t want to hear my apologies. He doesn’t think they’re necessary, but I do.
The car slows as it pulls up to the curb in front of my house, the soft glow of the porch light casting a warm tone around the front door. It’s not much, but it’smine. He shifts the car into park, turning towards me with a gentle smile, his eyes reflecting a mix of respect and affection. He sees so much strength in me, and I have no idea how. Before I can reach for the handle, he’s out of the car and coming around to open my door.
A gentleman. That’s definitely something I’ve never experienced before meeting Beck.
I step out, and he follows me up the sidewalk, his shoes scuffing softly against the pavement. We reach the front door with a silent pause. The two of us stand under the porch light, the world around us quiet and still.
“Happy birthday, Beck.” I say, finally breaking the silence with a timid smile.
A wide grin breaks out across his face, and he dips his head for a moment, nodding to himself.
“Thank you. It was the best one I’ve had in a very long time,” he says, almost sounding sincere. I laugh, recounting the events of the night, but he stares back at me with an unwavering certainty.
“If you say so,” I smirk, turning to unlock the front door.
“You just don’t get it, do you?” He scoffs, the dry sound grating across my skin.
“Don’t get what?” I ask quietly, the air surrounding us crackling with unspoken intensity.
He’s told me in a hundred roundabout ways and at least a dozen very direct ways that he is in love with me. That I’m the one he wants. But he doesn’t really know me. He doesn’t know all the lies I’ve swallowed to protect myself and my son.
“I know you don’t believe me when I say this is what’s best for everyone. But it really is. I could never thank you enough for everything you’ve done to helpme, to help Jax. And I understand that this is hard for you. Please believe me, this is hard for me too. I wish I could change all of this. If things were different-”
“Things can be different, Willow. It’s a choice. If you choose to stop hiding it can be different. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect you.” He steps closer to me, snagging my wrist the way the man in the bar did. The difference is that when it’s Beckett, all I feel is heat spreading throughout every inch of me from the spot where his hand wraps around my wrist. The energy radiating from him is intoxicating. If I could, I would drown in this heady feeling that seems constant anytime he’s near. My pulse is racing. I know he feels it thrumming against his fingers. One corner of his mouth tips up in a cocky smirk.
“Don’t. Don’t do something we’re both going to regret tomorrow,” I breathe, my eyes fixated on his, completely unable to look away.
“I could never regret this,” the words barely leave his mouth before he pulls my body flush against his.
His lips meet mine in a searing kiss. The world slows around us, four years of dancing around each other all slamming into me at once. This feels like a culmination of every building moment leading up to now. Every glance, every touch, has been a silent promise. Finally in this moment, everything clicks into place. This is the man I’ve been waiting for my entire life. This is the kiss I’ve been dreaming about for years. It’s everything Iknew it would be. Commanding, dominant, confident, powerful, so many emotions rushing through me to the very core of my being. His hands slide into my hair, and he guides my head exactly where he wants it to be. His grip tightens, pulling my hair in his fist and drawing a gasp from my mouth. He seizes the opportunity, sliding his tongue into my mouth, exploring every inch. He tastes like clean citrus, like I always imagined he would. It would take one step off this cliff for me to fall so deep in love with him, I could never find my way back out.
“Wait,” I say, pulling back from his hold. His body follows mine like a magnet, but I place my hand against his chest softly. “Please, Beck. Don’t. I can’t lose you. I won’t…I couldn’t survive that.” I plead with him to understand where I’m coming from.
He releases my hair, stepping back and putting extra space between us. He licks his lips, a deep groan barely audible, as if he’s savoring the taste of me on his lips.
“Yeah. Yeah, I knew that was coming.” He says, nodding with the same cocky smirk.
