Page 16 of Bring Me Back
A scream finally rips from my throat as I snap back to reality, shooting straight up in my bed and colliding with a solid body. The gold in his hazel eyes flares like fire, the artery in his neck pulsing frantically.
“It’s okay, pretty girl. It’s me. It’s just me,” Beckett says, his voice like aloe to a burn.
“Jaxon? I heard… he was yelling…” I clutch my throat, feeling the ghost of Cooper’s hands still lingering.
“I’m here, Mama. You were screaming. I didn’t want to scare you, I just didn’t know how to wake you up,” Jaxon says, hovering in the doorway. My boy looks terrified right now. I did that to him.No, Cooper did that. I wouldn’t be this way if it weren’t for Cooper’s choices.
I haven’t slept in nearly two days. I thought telling my friends the truth would ease my mind, and it did. At least for a few hours. Now, the full-blown panic has spread like a virus, attacking every cell in my body. Have I put my friends in danger? Have I disrupted the delicate balance of the universe I’ve created around myself?
“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry, Jax.” I swallow down a sob, feeling a warm hand hold mine. Beckett’s hand. I think I’ve been holding it this entire time.
“It’s okay, Mom. It’s not your fault,” he says, pushing off the doorframe, lacing his fingers behind his head and walking back into the living room.
“He’ll be okay. Just a little shaken up,” Beck says, and I nod.
“Wait, how the hell are you here?” I ask, finally realizing this is my house and my bed. How did he get in here?
“I heard you screaming,” he says so simply.
“But how did you hear me screaming?” I ask, picking at the loose thread on my comforter.
“Willow, I know you want to keep the distance between us. But I won’t leave you unprotected. If you need space to figure out how you feel about me, I’ll give you that, to a certain extent. But you will never feel alone in the darkness again. Even if I have to live the rest of my life in your shadow, I’ll never be too far away to protect you again.” If he were anyone else, his words would probably be alarming. But coming from Beckett, they are so sincere, piercing me straight through the heart. “If that means I have to park in front of your house every night just to make sure I’m here when I hear you scream, that’s what I’ll do.”
“That sounds a little creepy, Beck. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were a stalker.” A small smile plays on my lips. His eyes trace every inch of my face, a dark chuckle barely audible.
“I’d stalk you any day, pretty girl. And what’s worse is, you’d love it.” He wraps a strand of my hair around his finger, leaning in and kissing my forehead. I take a deep breath, letting the clean scent of himsaturate my lungs. “I’ll let you sleep, you have work tomorrow.”
Looking at the clock, I see it’s barely past midnight. I wasn’t even asleep for an hour before the nightmares settled in. He stands to leave the room, his hand still clenched tightly in mine. I don’t want to let go. I’m not sure I could even if I wanted to. I look down at our clasped hands and finally see the result of my nightmares. The skin on Beckett’s hand is torn and bleeding, and I gasp as tears well in my eyes.
“I did that to you. I hurt you.” My voice is small and fragile, and I hate how weak it sounds. A knowing smile graces his lips, but it’s not pity. It’s understanding of the pain I feel. “I don’t think we can stay here. As much as I hate to feel like I can’t protect Jaxon on my own, my nightmares are only getting worse. I could never forgive myself if I hurt him, Beck.”
“Would you stay with me? I have plenty of room for both of you. And a full security staff that patrols the grounds 24 hours a day.”
The grounds? In all the years I’ve known Beck, I’ve never seen where he lives. I’ve been so absorbed in making sure no one discovered the things I was hiding, I never even thought about what he could be keeping from me. Why would he need security like that? Is he involved in something dangerous? Could trusting him be an even bigger mistake than trusting Cooper was?
Will that kiss haunt me for the rest of my life?
Every time we’re within a few feet of one another, I feel a pull to him that’s getting harder and harder to resist. I always assumed that a man like Beckett didn’t really exist. A line from my favorite movie as a girl runs through my mind.
“He can ride a pony backwards. He can flip pancakes in the air. He'll be marvelously kind. He’ll have one blue eye and one green.” That was the whole point of dreaming up a man like Sally Owens did in that movie, a man like that doesn't exist. And if he doesn't exist, I'll never die of a broken heart. Loving and losing Beckett is something I’m not sure I could ever survive.
“I have so many questions about why you have grounds and security,” I say curiously.
“I’ll answer any questions you have. As long as you let me do whatever it takes to keep you safe, Willow.” He demands, and my eyes fall. I’ve never had anyone in my life to truly keep me safe. I’ve always wanted a man who would take the lead in life. Not control me, or take advantage of the power he holds, but a dominant man who took the initiative to protect, support, and provide for us, because he wanted to. Because he loved us and needed us in his life. Beckett’s confidence isn't boastful, it’s quiet and firm. He makes decisions easily, trusting his instincts and abilities. And deep in my bones, I trust him too.
“Jaxon, too?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“I wouldn’t go anywhere without him.” I can hearthe love in his voice. The devotion he has for me and my son is clear in every promise he’s made. For once in my life, I feel a sense of hope for the future. He’s helped my boy grow into the young man he is today. Beck has tutored him, taught him about bike mechanics, praised his artwork, encouraged his dreams. He’s the kind of father I wish I could’ve given Jaxon from the very beginning. I can’t deny that I’ve felt uneasy around my home over the past few months. I come home and the door is unlocked, there are dishes not where I left them, or lights left on that I know I’m not responsible for. I could definitely chalk it up to the teen living in my house, but it’s still an uncomfortable feeling.
“Okay,” I whisper, and relief rushes through his body. His features soften, my submission obviously important to him.
eleven
Two hoursand two backpacks later, Jaxon and I pull up behind Beckett in front of a set of high iron gates. A security guard comes out of the brick office to the left of a security keypad. They exchange a few words, he gestures back towards us, and both men nod sharply before the gates slide open and Beckett drives his car up the driveway ahead. The guard gives us a tight nod as we pass him by, and I instantly feel like I’m somewhere I don’t belong.
“Where the actual fuck are we?” I ask, more to myself than anyone else.
“I think, and I’m just guessing here, but I think we might be at Beckett’s house, Mom.” Jaxon shrugs, so nonchalant as if everyone we know lives in a massive hillside estate with miles of iron gates surrounding it.
