Page 39 of Barbed Wire Fences
“I can’t… I can’t do this. I’m sorry, this was a mistake,” he murmurs again, tucking the condom back into his wallet, avoiding eye contact, and moving to stand, leaving me spread out on the floor with no pants or underwear, and vulnerable in so many more ways than just physically.
My heart had been scabbed over for years, dull and protected, but in the span of a few minutes Rhett ripped it open, exposing raw skin that still bleeds.
“Rhett, please don’t do this,” I whisper, hating how my voice sounds—small, shaky, like it belongs to someone who hasn’t learned how to protect herself yet. I’m stronger than this, yet when I’m with Rhett all I feel is weak.
He’s standing a few feet away, fists clenching and unclenching like he’s fighting some invisible war with himself. Like he’s afraid that one more step toward me will undo whatever self-control he has left. And yet minutes ago, he was between my thighs, coaxing pleasure out of me I haven’t felt in years, touching me like no one else ever has.
“We’ve both had a lot to drink, Jael,” he says finally, voice low and rough. “And I don’t want you to regret this. I don’t want you to regret being with me.”
The words hit me hard, and my jaw drops in shock.
“Regret being with you?” I whisper. I yank my shorts from the floor, pulling them up, frustration building in my chest as I turn sharply on my heel.
That he could bring all this old hurt back, the kind I swore I’d never let resurface, is gutting me. The claws of my youth dig into my skin like tiny little barbs in a fence and his words yank me back to a time in my life that I’ve been determined to escape.
I shake my head, trying to wipe them off but it’s too late. He’s the only person who could ever make them resurface that way and now I need to get out of here before I fall apart in front of him.
“Wait, Jael, let’s just talk,” he tries to stop me but I’m already moving.
I head for the stairs, my steps sharp and hurt, desperate to escape the weight of his gaze and the heaviness in my head. I need to leave, to get away from the memories he brings with him, and the look in his eyes that’s all too painfully familiar.
I race up the stairs, back into the living room, where Lainey, Lark, and the others are still tangled up in their game of extreme UNO. The laughter and chatter seem distant, but I force a smile, clearing my throat to make up a lie.
“Hey, y’all. I’m sorry, but I’ve got work tomorrow. I’m going to head out.” I point my thumb to the door, hoping someone will give me a ride home without questions.
Lark and Lainey exchange a quiet look, their eyes flickering with understanding, and then Lainey speaks gently. “Of course, Jael. Let Brandon give you a ride. He hasn’t been drinking since he has work in the morning, too.”
I nod grateful. “That sounds good, thanks.”
Brandon moves to the kitchen to collect his keys while Lainey pulls me into a quick, tight hug before I leave.
“It was good to see you again. We’ll catch up soon—just us, with Molly, no one else. Promise?”
I nod, the knot in my chest tightening as I watch her smile. I stoop to grab my purse by the door, but before I can leave, I catch one last glimpse of Rhett.
He’s standing in the basement doorway, hands shoved in his pockets, leaning against the wall, watching me with dark eyes as if he’s remembering everything and watching it all play out on my face.
But I didn’t come here to remember.
Owen, Rhett, Whitewood Creek, everything feels like such a waste.
???
It’s the night of our senior graduation, and Owen, Lainey, her boyfriend Mark, and I are sprawled out on a dirt road overlooking the miles of cornfields that surround our small town.
The air smells like freshly turned soil and summer on the horizon, the kind of scent that sticks with you long after you’ve left places like this.
This has become our tradition. It’s a way to blow off steam, escape the monotony, and, often, break off into couples to make out in the privacy of the endless fields.
But tonight feels different. Heavier.
Owen and I have talked about it plenty of times, the big moment where we finally have sex. I’ve known that this day was coming, planned for it with him, but now that it’s here, the weight of it is pressing down on me and I’m not sure I even want it anymore.
My stomach twists in anticipation as I count the seconds until he brings it up.
Owen shifts beside me in the bed of his truck, the cool metal underneath us grounding me. I wish he’d back out; say we’ll try another night. But instead, he turns his attention to me, his blue eyes expectant and I know it’s time.
“Your mom’s working tonight, right?” His voice is low, meant only for me to hear. “You want to get out of here?”
