Page 92 of Barbed Wire Fences
He moves closer, our bodies still not touching, covered by the few feet of lake water.
“I’m not an insecure guy but when it comes to you, I think I am. I needed to hear you tell me you loved me first. I needed to know that, but I’m still fucking scared. I’m terrified of losing you again. That something might go wrong, or we get in a fight, and you’ll push me away. That I’ll somehow fuck things up and you won’t come back.”
Tears spill down my cheeks as I listen to Rhett’s heart. He’s always been better at being vulnerable and now I need to do the same.
“I’m so sorry,” I start with a whisper. “I never meant to cause you to feel like I was ashamed of sleeping with you. I was a stupid teenager. I don’t have to tell you again how much I regret sleeping with Owen,” I confess, realizing the weight of the words I needed to unload—words I should have said ten years ago.
“I cheated on Owen with you, and I was embarrassed about it. Do you know how much I hate cheaters? My dad cheated on my mother relentlessly growing up, and I swore I wouldn’t be like that. Yes, Owen cheated on me with other girls, and I knew it, but I always swore that wasn’t something I’d do. I let Owen believe he was my first time because I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed to tell people that I’d been a cheater too. That I was just as bad as he was. I was never ashamed of you and I’m sorry when I left for pushing you away.”
He nods. “I know you are.”
“And I’m sorry for leaving again without talking to you last month. I just… I tried. I reached out. I should have come back sooner when you got back to town from Meadowbrook. But Ialso realized that I needed to see that what we had was real and this wasn’t just a summer fling for us as teenagers again.”
I clear my throat, needing him to hear how serious I am about this next part. “I have so many regrets around how I handled things when we were younger. I should have broken up with Owen immediately after you and I slept together, and I shouldn’t have done anything with Owen after we hooked up, even if you didn’t want more. But I was childish, and immature, and you don’t get a second first time.”
I smile sadly. “I’ve always been grateful that it was with you. I’ve been searching my whole life for someone to make me feel safe. I realize now, there was a time when I did. And it was those simple days when you and I just hung out doing nothing. You’ve always been that haven for me, Rhett.”
I wet my lips and make sure I have his full attention before finishing what I need to say. “You distracted me from the turmoil that was happening within my family, kept me busy and out of the path of my father’s rage most nights. And when I was caught up in it, you never made me feel less than or weak for the family I was raised by. You supported me, you were gentle, thoughtful and protective. I owe you theonlygood memories I have in this town.”
Rhett’s gaze locks onto mine, sharp and unrelenting, as his hands slide under the water to grip mine. He pulls me closer, our bodies pressed so tightly together that it feels like we’re the only two people in the world.
His hand brushes the wet strands of hair from my shoulders before it settles around my throat, firm but protective, holding me there, squeezing just enough for me to feel it between my thighs. He tilts my chin up, silently commanding my attention, and I give it to him without hesitation.
“Jael,” he whispers. “You think you don’t know how to be vulnerable, but you’re doing it with me right now. You think you’re broken, but all I’ve ever seen is strength. You think I protected you then, but I’ve never stopped. And I never will.”
His tongue grazes the seam of my lips, coaxing mine to meet his, and when our lips part and the kiss deepens, my legs instinctively wrap around his waist. He squeezes my throat tighter and I open for him on a moan.
I can feel him hardening against me, the heat of him even through the cool water, and every nerve in my body screams for more. But I can’t,I need to finish what I have to say before I lose myself in his touch again.
“Rhett, wait,” I murmur, breaking the kiss and leaning back just enough to catch my breath. My legs are still hooked around his waist, his hands gripping my ass tightly as he steadies us in the water.
“You’re one of the only good memories I have in this town,” I admit, my voice unsteady but full of honesty. “I want to be with you. I want to make new, good memories with you here, but I don’t know how we’re supposed to make this work. And I don’t even have a place to live here, not to mention there’s no guarantee I can get hired at the hospital. The ICU is still being worked on. Plus, what are we?”
A slow smile spreads across his face, the kind that says he’s already five steps ahead of me.
I narrow my eyes at him. “A smile wasn’t exactly the reaction I was expecting after telling you that I can’t move back here without a job or a permanent place to live.”
“You finally admitted it,” he says, his voice low and smug. “What I’ve known you’ve wanted since we were fourteen years old. You want to be my girlfriend, Jael.”
My jaw drops, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes me. “You’re impossible.” I swat at his shoulder playfully, but he just grins wider. Before I can say anything else, he tightens my legs around his waist, leaning in until our foreheads touch.
“Move in with me, baby? That home has felt like ours since the moment that you walked back into my life. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping there at night because I smell you everywhere. I know it might be considered soon by dating standards but fuck all that. We’ve known each other for years. I don’t want to live without you.”
“Are you serious?” I ask pulling back and searching his eyes.
He nods. “Yes.”
“But what will I do for work?”
“Let me talk to Hayes.”
My brows furrow. “I’ve already talked to Doctor Walker.”
He grins. “When was the last time?”
“Um, two months ago. He said they didn’t have a position open that would pay enough. The ICU shouldn’t be ready for another month, too.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
